• Published 14th Apr 2016
  • 565 Views, 1 Comments

The Ballad of Hearthswarming - The Dimension Diver



Nopony ever thought Hearthswarming's tale was epic. Until this happened.

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The Ballad of the Candy Horse

Before the princess raised the sun
Or Luna raised the moon,
The candy colored ponies ran
Across the dreamscape dune.

Before Equestria was made
Or Everfree was filled,
The ponies played upon the world
And shaped it how they willed.

The pony folk were of three hearts
Though all had equal worth:
The unicorns with magic ply
The heavens; and the pegasi
Reined in the weather, and could fly;
And ponies of the earth

Stood down upon the barren ground
And made it bud with fruit.
They coaxed the trees from saplings and
They nurtured bud and shoot.

The three were all of seperate flag
And all of different mind.
They looked upon each other just
To take what they could find.

For Earth ponies could not have had
Their crops had it not rained,
Nor could they make the carrots grow
If sunlight never waned.

The Pegasi could never feed
If food had never grown
Nor build their houses out of clouds
If sunshine always shone.

The Unicorns in castles had
A need for food and hire.
They all agreed to raise the sun
And then the moon about them spun.
They used their magic all as one
Telekinetic choir.

It happened once upon a day
As things quite often do,
That Princess Platinum gazed down
Upon her subjects with a frown
And sighed and said, “I’m through!

“These silly ponies grow their fruit
Ungrateful as they are,
And never give a handsome share
To those who raise the star.”

Now Platinum was royalty,
The daughter long of kings:
But she was but a unicorn
And lacked the royal wings.

“The time has come,” the princess cried,
“That we should have our due!
We do not raise the sun to starve
While others chomp and chew!”

To her assistant Clover, she
Made known her new demand.
But Clover simply shook her head
And said, “They would not stand

“To have this done to them. I beg
You reconsider this!
Your actions will affect not one,
But all the folk beneath the sun.”
Replied the princess, “See it done,
Or you shall be dismissed.”

As it was done, the Pegasi
Looked down atop a cloud,
And muttered all amongst themselves
On whether that’s allowed.

Their grim commander Hurricane
Kept silent not a scosche
“Why, this is just like Platinum
To take without reproach!

“She thinks that in her snobbish ways
The Unicorns are best!
That they can take all what they want
And just upon request!”

Now, Hurricane saw many wars
And many had he won,
And as a soldier to the core,
He would not be outdone.

“They take not into their regard,”
The staunch commander fumed,
“That it is we who bring the rain!
‘Tis we who act as evil’s bane!
Why, if we did not fight or train,
The others would be doomed.

“So as to keep the order here
And hierarchy high,
We shall demand an equal share
To be transported back with care
To cities in the sky.”

As all agreement passed around,
A single private stood.
She dusted out her wings and said
“We cannot take their food.

“The ponies work to make it grow,
They work to make it fall.
We cannot take their everything
And leave them none at all!”

Commander Hurricane replied
With fire in his breath,
“Your insubordination may
Have you court martialed any day
And that would spell your death.

“Remember well your place with us,
And I would let you stay.
But, Private Pansy, one more word,
And you will leave this noble herd
And find your lonesome way.”

Both Unicorns and Pegasi
Went through with their demands
For fruits - the product of the sun
And rains and earth - which only an
Earth Pony understands.

It happened Chanc’lor Pudding Head
Was in his office when
Smart Cookie burst in with the news
Of just what happened then.

He called out “This is terrible!”
And spat at him the sheets.
“Good Chancellor, what will we do
About these roguish cheats?”

Quoth Pudding head, “So, they would take
A hearty extra third?
Do they not know that we are pressed
To make enough when times are best?
Now this is just absurd!

“If they would like to be so fat
Then let them grow their own!
In fact, let’s cancel all our deals
And give ‘em only orange peels
So they can see how fun it feels
To wane as thin as bone.”

Smart Cookie shook his head and said,
“But Sir, I must object:
If we do that then you will see
That we’re not bein’ neighborly
And we will make an enemy
As well as lose respect.”

But Pudding Head just chuckled ‘till
His sides were shaken sore.
“It’s tactics, Cookie! When they’re thin
Then they will all be settlin’
For less instead of more.

“Besides,” the chancellor guffawed,
“I’m in authority.
While you are just a lowly scribe
You cannot veto me.”

But Cookie sighed and rolled his eyes.
“We shall do as you say.
I just don’t think it’s wise that we
Should go about this way.”

An apprehensive week ensued
As troubles all arose
Until beneath a silver moon
A court was called and none too soon
As how the story goes.

A court was called and all the three
Advanced from far and wide:
The princess and the chancellor
And the commander as it were
All smirking smug and snide.

And as the three assembled all
Within the house of law,
The princess was the first to speak
For this was fit, she saw.

“We Unicorns are regal, and
We unicorns are weak.
We find it as a crushing blow
To cut us from the trading flow.
Of orange peels we reek!

“You cease your monthly tribute, even
Though we always cared!
Your bitterness reeks four times more
Than I have yet declared.”

Commander Hurricane spoke next,
An ember in his eye:
“Your Majesty, I may intrude,
but it was you who was so rude
To have your own take all the food
And throw us all awry.

“Why, if you had a mote of sense
Asleep beneath your crown,
You would have left things as they were
And never let us down.

“You would have left things all alone
And things would all be well.
But now I say the least of you
Deserves that orange smell.”

The chancellor with merriment
Popped up his merry head.
For of the three, ‘twas only he
Who suitably was fed.

Quoth he, “I see you all complain
‘Cause that is all you do.
But if you all apologize
I’ll make our deals come through.

“So why don’t you two lend a hoof
And sign these charters here.
We’ll always have enough until
We hit a famine year!”

But Platinum turned up her nose.
“Those charters may contain
A lengthy set of binding rules.
Would you care to explain?

“I’ll never sign a document
For an apology.
It very easily could be
A legal travesty.”

The meeting never came to blows
But never came to good.
For all departed in the night
Upon the corner of a fight
And all about the food.

Upon that night it happened,
Although it started slow,
The temperature began to drop,
So frost appeared upon the crop,
The wind blew hard and would not stop,
And then there came the snow.

Author's Note:

So, here it is. Part two should come out in a couple weeks: The Ballad of the Snow. That's when things really get hectic. You all know the story, so no spoilers here, but still, leave a comment. :moustache: I love feedback.