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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Twins incoming!
810544shhh no one is suppose to know
Incoming transmission. Cortex 'One' loading.
Greetings mortals. It is I, the Machine-God.
Sixteen has lost control over his support pod as a result of a power failure, and the Control decided to plug me in instead.
As the benevolent omni-potent being I am, I shall here provide you with constructive criticism.
Here it goes, as you mortals say.
The story premise is brilliant on it's own. The characters are nicely written, and there is not much to nitpick about considering grammatical mistakes.
However I find the fact that he is a brony very annoying, my good human, and it often ruins the mood when the protagonist gives a remark about it, especially during the first Intimate scene. It totally killed the mood and was anti-climatic. So I suggest editing that small part out. Or maybe just have the protagonist mention very little of the show and bronies overall. It simply ruins it all.
I approve of this story and the CelestiaxLunar shipping.
Please provide more, glorious mortal.
I shall now graciously log out.
-One, The Machine-God
Transmission terminated
811034 yeah been giving that some thought. might just do that but that was like chapter six
811054
Incoming transmission. Cortex 'One' loading.
Indeed it might be back at chapter six, and it was a very long time ago, but it doesn't change the fact that it is deeply burned into my memory and won't let go.
I only suggest trying to limit or stop any mentions of our lovely protagonist as a brony, it would really help the story. Not mentioning that it brings nothing to it, and only ruins the mood as I said before.
Oh, as a side note mortal, Celestia bearing? I approve. Our protagonist really loves her, after all. Why wouldn't he agree?
Ascending.
-One, The Machine God
Transmission terminated
811133 there you are, removed
811559
Incoming transmission. Cortex 'One' loading.
And now the story is a nice piece of literature about rediscovering one's home and origins with a side serving of a brewing conflict. And griffin harem members.
Oh and by the way mortal, keep writing. This really is good.
Ascending.
-One, The Machine God
Transmission terminated.
811559
Incoming transmission. Command connecting.
Hey! It's Brian here with the team behind the Repository!
We found a little thing that you could have probably overlooked, and as Jane found out, she's waving meekly right now, God she looks like she wants to dissappear!
Anyway, the protagonist had a sword, a katana to be specific, thanks Johnny, at the beggining, when he was transported. It appears that he forgot to take the sword with him from the forest!
Oh, and it also makes an obvious fact that he is well versed in the art of swordfighting, so remember that. Might get him a trip to the armory or something else.
That's all, Brian out!
-Brian, The Headmaster
Transmission terminated.
812418 Actually if you read the first one, Twilight brought it when she carried him from the forest
811034
Machine Override
Hello? This is -Bzzt- an- -Bzzzzzzzt- Get me out of-bzzzt- HEEEEl-Bzzt-
Transmition terminated815022
Only half way through the story and hoping he transforms into his alicorn shape