"Somepony! Help! Princess Celestia Has Lost Her Memory!"

by Kevin Lee

Dry Gulp

Tumbleweed was the last of the ponies in the Long Tree Saloon when Filly Rustler, known by all the townsponies as Miss Filly, nudged his slumbering form, which was draped over the bar, to let him know she was closing for the night.

"Thank you, Miss Filly," Tumbleweed said as his unsteady legs tried to support him after having sat on the bar stool for so long. He looked at her wistfully, guzzied up in one of her ever-present dresses that accentuated her rump. Even without his blurred and drunken vision, he considered her quite attractive. But then, she was something like twenty to twenty-five years younger than he was. Any mare that young is still going look attractive to an old washed-up stallion like him.

"For what?" she asked. Miss Filly was a middle-aged mare, whose voice had, long ago lost her youthful soprano tones due to years of yelling at rowdy customers, and the ever-present dust from the surrounding desert, had settled into the mezzo-soprano with a heavy graveled nature to her range. And even without his age to bias his opinion, she was still considered quite attractive in a handsome manner by most of the ponies in town. It was not uncommon that mares ten to fifteen years her junior had bouts of jealousy regarding her looks alone.

"For being so generous with my tab," Tumbleweed sighed with a blush, remembering that he's rarely ever paid any of the tabs he racked up with anypony in town.

"Hey, it's not like you're the only one, Tumble," she gently told him. "Take care going home. See you tomorrow."

"Night, Miss Filly," he said in parting.

He ambled out into the night; the snooze having the effect of partially sobering him. Or so he thought.

The figure he saw steadily trudging down the main street was silent. Like a ghost. Or she would be moving silently had the sound of her wings dragging on the ground not been making a noise that sounded—well—like something being dragged through the dirt with each of her steps.

She approached him, otherwise totally silent, her head hung low. He stared at her, caught between terror and simple astonishment. The light from the streetlamps showed that she was quite tall, and almost twice the height of any other pony in the town. In addition to the obvious wings dragging along either side of her, there was a long thin horn jutting out from her forehead, along with a ridiculously long mane that somehow failed to trip her or otherwise get caught by her hooves as she walked and an equally massive tail dragging in the dirt behind her.

As she took each step, she looked at nothing about her. She didn't seem to see him as she walked straight down the middle of the road. Since he wasn't directly in her path, she plodded silently in a straight line, and slowly passed him as he just stared in utter shock. When it was clear the specter was going to go straight out of town again without pausing, Tumbleweed snapped out of his astonishment and ran back to the saloon and started rapidly banging on the closed outer doors with his fore hooves, shouting for Miss Filly, all the while trying to keep an eye on the slowly departing figure.

There was no indication the strange figure heard the noise from either his yelling or banging on the double doors.

"What in tarnation?" the middle-aged earth pony mare shouted through the closed doors as she approached from inside.

"Tumbleweed!?" Filly exclaimed when she pulled the curtain back to look out at who was making such a racket.

"Miss Filly!" the earth pony stallion screamed, pointing his hoof down the street. "Miss Filly! Look!"

Puzzled at his behavior, she opened the door and stuck her head out to look where he indicated. Her eyes widened in shock.

"Sweet Celestia!" she swore before rushing out, quickly followed by Tumbleweed.

They easily caught up with the tall pony.

"Miss! Miss!" Filly Rustler fearfully called out. Even as they approached her, she could see the poor thing was in a frightful state. She was tall and lanky, bigger than any pony she'd ever heard about—well, save for that one, but she didn't really count.

The strange mare was covered in layers of dirt and dust, and her wings must have been hurt bad to be dragging in the ground like that. At first, she thought the tall mare was a freakishly large pegasus, but when she got in front and saw the horn, her mind had to partially reboot at the sight.

This is no pegasus! She's an alicorn! A princess!

The strange mare took no notice of the ponies. She just kept plodding along in a straight line.

"Miss!" Filly Rustler called out again, reaching out with a hoof to gently touch the mare's shoulder. The strange mare stopped and turned her head, but her eyes were focused on nothing, and her mouth moved erratically, but with no sound coming out.

"Miss! Are you alright?" Filly asked, fearing the worse. Instead, the mare simply stared at her, unblinking, her vision appeared glazed.

"Miss!" Filly called again, giving the mare's shoulder a gentle nudge, but still got no response.

"Tumbleweed! See if you can help get her wings up," Filly said to her neighbor. "Be gentle. Let's hope they aren't broken."

"Sure thing, Miss Filly," Tumbleweed replied and immediately did as he was told, taking a careful hold on the leading edge on the side where he stood and tried to lift them up to where they had seen the occasional pegasus visitor hold their wings. There was stiff resistance, but once he was able to lift it up, carefully trying to guide the limb into its natural folding action, it suddenly settled into place along her side.

The tall mare looked back at what Tumbleweed had done with her wing; something of her mind evidently waking up from what Filly Rustler could see in her glance.

"Oh. So that's where they go," the mare softly muttered. But she was clearly still in a dazed state.

"Miss! You need help! You have to come with us!" Filly said to the alicorn, reaching out to the mare's face to direct her to look at the earth pony mare, as Tumbleweed stepped around to get the other wing up. Her words got a few blinks from the alicorn, but nothing more.

Once Tumbleweed got the other wing in position, he stepped up to help Filly with guiding the alicorn back to the saloon.

"You know? That really makes walking easier," the stranger finally muttered as they prodded her in the direction they wanted her to go.

She almost stumbled when they got to the wide wooden boardwalk that stuck out of the base of the saloon, but Filly was prepared for that, and caught the taller alicorn to keep her from falling.

"Easy, easy," Filly said, helping her to negotiate her footing.

"Right rear red!" the alicorn suddenly called out for some odd reason as her back leg was getting up onto the boardwalk.

They manage to persuade her to step on through the swinging inner double doors and to the middle of the Long Tree where there was an area clear of tables.

"Okay, dearie," Filly said, holding the alicorn carefully. "Take it easy, now. But we're going to ask you to lay down for us. Can you do that?"

However, the tall mare just stared blankly ahead, still not focused on anything, with her legs locked in place.

"Great," Filly huffed. "Tumbleweed, help me with her. We're going to take out her back legs first." He nodded and got into position opposite of the saloon owner. "Be ready to catch her."

"Right, Miss Filly!"

"On three," Filly told him. "One … Two … Three!" Whereupon they each used a fore hoof to give the back of her thighs a whack in the joint and her rump went down hard. Filly and Tumbleweed were both ready to help catch the inevitable tilt she might do towards either side. What they hadn't counted on where the wings.

FWWWMMFPH!

They snapped out on instinct as she suddenly sat down. Tumbleweed went through the bar, smashing into the wall behind, with several bottles of drinks and salt dropped on him. Filly Rustler, on the other hoof, splintered apart several of her tables and chairs, stopping only when she reached the far wall.

"Well! I sure caught that!" the former train engineer muttered from where he lay.

"Oh, there go the wings again," the alicorn sighed, still sitting upright. "And I just got them folded."

"Oka-a-a-ay," Filly grumbled as she pulled herself out of the debris of the newly made kindling. "We don't do that again. Tumbleweed? You okay?" she said as she made her way back to the seated alicorn.

"Yeah," he replied with a hiss. "A few cuts from the bottles. The salt's sure waking me up! I can tell you, it's much more pleasant when it's going in through my mouth rather than my hide! Owww!"

"Hey! You get yourself over to Doc's," Filly ordered him. "I should be able to handle her front end from here. Be sure to tell Doc to come over when he's finished patching you up."

"Sure thing, Miss Filly," he said, carefully getting up.

"Hey, Tumbleweed," she called out just before he walked outside. He paused to look back at her. "You did good," she told him.

"Th—thanks, Miss Filly!" he happily said as he left.

"Okay, Princess," she said to the alicorn, who was sitting there looking blankly at her. "Let's get you the rest of the way down and start cleaning you up."

Comments

[Razzy]

Snrk. Okay, a dazed and so out of it Celestia is just hilarious.