Equestrian Graffiti

by Brass Polish

1 Thunderstorm

Nyx had never gotten over her fear of thunderstorms, so on the uncommon occasion where one was scheduled in Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle would arrange a trip to another town. Spike would often tag along as well, but one day, he found he would be the only one accompanying Nyx to the Crystal Empire. Twilight wanted to be on hoof at the castle, as Starlight Glimmer claimed she was close to a breakthrough with her cure for Amber Aldis’ illness. Spike and Nyx were still on the station platform when the storm clouds were being shunted over Ponyville.

“I wish I could be like Scootaloo,” said Nyx. “She likes to sit on her porch and watch the lightning.”

“Really? Sweetie Belle told me she was just as scared as her and Apple Bloom that night in Appaloosa when they found Trouble Shoes,” said Spike.

“Oh. She’s not scared of thunder and lightning as long as she’s inches from her front door,” Nyx explained. “Plus she says as long as you’re careful, you can’t come to harm. But the first thunderstorm I’ve ever been in wasn’t mare-made. It was in the Everfree.”

“Well, technically you weren’t in the storm,” reasoned Spike. “But since it was your first memory, I totally understand why you were disturbed. Well, where we’re going, you won’t have to even think about thunderstorms. The Crystal Empire only ever has showers. Their met office is probably the most efficient in Equestria.”

“And they all love you there,” said Nyx. “I almost wish I’d been there when you brought the Crystal Heart to them. Instead I stayed here and fell for that trap Pulp Puree and Winter Squash set for me.”

As Twilight wasn’t going to accompany Nyx to the Crystal Empire, she had intended to send Lazybug with her. But Lazybug was tending to Crosspatch, who’d taken ill because she’d sprayed herself with bacteria-infected water. So Nyx left on the train to the Crystal Empire with Spike, who could probably ask for anything he liked from the crystal ponies.

“Remember. You gotta give me a nudge if I go too far asking for stuff there,” Spike said, looking away from Nyx. “Sometimes I can’t help myself.”

“I’ll let you know,” promised Nyx. “But I heard that the crystal ponies often ask you for things as well.”

“Mostly autographs,” said Spike. “Oh, and sometimes I light bonfires for them. You know the fire I breathe can cook food and make it really delicious, right?”

“Of course I do. I’ve tasted your smores,” grinned Nyx. “Um, when I was on that field trip to the Crystal Empire, our guide showed us a dragon who lived there.”

“Impulsoria.”

“That’s right. Does she ever light bonfires for the crystal ponies?” asked Nyx.

“Sometimes, but not for cooking. Her fire doesn’t have the same effect. In fact, her smoke’s got a weird sort of perfume to it,” Spike wrinkled his nose at the memory of it. “That’d make anything unpleasant.”

“What’s she like?” asked Nyx. “She didn’t seem too friendly when me and my classmates met her.”

“She’s just a bit moody because she’s still recovering from the effect Fluttershy’s Element of Harmony had on her,” said Spike. “She may not be a rampaging beast anymore, but she still has a hard time sticking with the mountain of gemstones she’s got in her cave.”

He didn’t bring up the time he’d changed in the face of countless jewels in the tunnels beneath Canterlot.

The weather was pristine in the Crystal Empire when Spike and Nyx arrived. Prince Shining Armour was waiting for them when they arrived at the station.

“Hey, guys,” he smiled when Spike and Nyx stepped off the train. “How do you like the weather here, Nyx?”

“It’s wonderful,” replied Nyx. “It’s not all for me, is it?”

“Not completely,” said Shining. “Everyone here’s just in such high spirits. My wife’s pretty far along. She hasn’t been out and about lately.”

“When you put it like that,” chuckled Spike, “it sounds like everyone’s happy to not see Cadance around.”

The three of them laughed.

“So the baby’s well on the way?” Nyx beamed.

“Yep. It won’t be long now,” Shining bounced on his hooves. “And that’s not the only reason the crystal ponies are in a good mood.”

“What else is going on?” asked Spike.

“Remember when the Wonderbolts Millennium Rally took place at Rainbow Falls and it had to be called off before the final round was over?” asked Shining. “Well, Miss Harshwhinny decided to go back to the original plan of holding an Air Sprinting event here. We’re waiting on confirmation from the Wonderbolts.”

“Oh, so it’ll just be the Wonderbolts taking part?” asked Spike.

“Yeah, Miss Harshwhinny wants to stick with them. But hey, maybe Rainbow Dash will win the Reserves draw,” said Shining optimistically.

Shining Armour took Spike and Nyx to see Cadance, who invited the two of them to feel the baby kicking.

“I’m gonna be a cousin,” Nyx was so excited, her voice cracked.

“I’ll be glad when this baby’s born,” sighed Cadance. “I haven’t been shut up in the castle for very long, and I already miss being out amongst the crystal ponies. The last outdoor event I got to attend was an artwork exhibition.”

“There haven’t been any big events here since then,” said Shining.

“But there’s one coming up, and I’ll have to miss it,” replied Cadance.

“You could watch from a window,” suggested Spike. “Or a balcony.”

“I was thinking about that,” said Cadance. “I’ll see how I feel when it comes, but I’d much rather be in the crowd.”

“Couldn’t Miss Harshwhinny schedule the Air Sprinting for after your due date?” asked Nyx.

“She says she’s put it off for long enough,” Shining Armour grunted. “According to her, that event was supposed to take place before last winter.”

“Besides, I’ll be busy after the baby’s born,” said Cadance. “So the Air Sprinting will probably be the last big event I get to watch for a while.”

“I’d say the baby being born will be a big event,” said Spike. “I know the day I was hatched was a big day in Twilight’s life.”

“It should be,” chuckled Shining. “She’s the one who hatched you.”

Spike and Nyx had arranged to stay in the Crystal Empire for four days, even though the thunderstorm was only scheduled in Ponyville for one day and one night. They spent half of their first day in the castle at a luncheon with Cadance and Shining Armour and some of the guards. Then they wiled away the afternoon roaming the city streets and soaking up the atmosphere. The crystal ponies became especially jubilant before sundown when the news arrived that the Wonderbolts would indeed be taking part in the upcoming Air Sprinting event. For half an hour, there was a conga line a mile long snaking around the Crystal Empire, which Spike and Nyx were part of.

“Ponyville’s weather team picked the perfect time for a thunderstorm,” said Spike ecstatically.

“The crystal ponies sure do get excited,” said Nyx. “Look at the Crystal Heart.”

Spike found it difficult to look at the Crystal Heart; it was something of a blur. It didn’t eject any energy into the sky during the merriment that took place that evening, but Spike and Nyx never doubted that all was well with morale in the empire.

There was just as much noise and excitement first thing the next morning, but the atmosphere wasn’t jubilant. The alarm call that pulled Spike and Nyx from their beds was a burst of screaming.

“What the heck is going on out there?!” cried Spike, bumping into one of the bedposts in his sleepy haze.

“Is the empire under attack?!” asked Nyx in a panicky way.

Spike bolted to the window and looked towards the stadium, where the screams seemed to be coming from. But there was something blocking the guestroom window’s view of the Crystal Stadium.

“Is that a piñata?” asked Nyx when she got to the window. “And… is it hanging from a parachute?”

“Is that what everyone’s screaming about?” Spike wondered. “Do they think there’s an invasion or something?”

They both listened. The screaming had stopped completely. And now that they were fully awake, neither of them was even a hundred percent sure what they’d heard was screaming. Regardless, they wanted to go and see what the fuss was about. They left the guestroom and took off down the corridor towards the exit. Spike slowed down and looked around at the suits of armour standing proud and noble in the halls.

“Someone glued googly-eyes on the suits of armour,” he chuckled.

Nyx looked around at the battle suits, and the battle suits seemed to look back at her.

As soon as they exited the Crystal Castle, they knew for sure that something really weird was going on. All around the exterior walls of the city’s buildings, a network of hamster tubes had been set up. Spike and Nyx found it was impossible to look somewhere outside without laying eyes upon at last one hamster tube. They passed over window sills and turned around corners, they disappeared into bushes and snaked around tree branches, and there were even long lines of tubes high above the streets. And on closer inspection, Spike and Nyx were astounded to see that there were hamsters running around in these tubes. As they made their way toward the stadium, the saw a few cages, which acted as pit stops for the hamsters to stop and eat and drink before carrying on running around town in the vast network of colourful plastic tubes. They looked like they were enjoying themselves.

“There’s the piñata hanging from the parachute,” Spike and Nyx said at the same time.

Come to find out, they were both pointing in different directions. It turned out there was more than one piñata hanging around town. About a third of the lampposts in the city had a parachute stuck on the top with piñatas dangling from them.

When they approached the stadium, they both jumped. There appeared to be an enormous crab-like creature standing outside the stadium. It didn’t take long to realise that it was just a spray painted image. There was a royal guard shooing crystal ponies from the stadium.

“Calm down, everyone. A clean-up crew’s been summoned,” he was saying. “We’ll have all this cleaned away soon.”

Shining Armour arrived.

“Sharp Ranger,” he said to the guard who was ushering the crystal ponies away, “any idea who’s responsible for all this vandalism?”

“Yeah,” Sharp Ranger replied. “I think it was him.”

He pointed to Spike.

“Me?! Why me?”

“Well, it wasn’t Impulsoria,” replied Sharp. “She breathes perfumed smoke. That leaves you.”

“What does smoke have to do with it?” demanded Spike.

“You can smell it all over the hamster tubes and the googly-eyes,” was Sharp Ranger’s answer.

The crystal ponies shot funny looks at Spike as they departed. They didn’t appear angry, but Spike didn’t like the fact that they suspected him.

Shining Armour said he would mount an investigation, and ordered Sharp Ranger not to make any wild accusations.

“Have you been close to those tubes and eyes?” asked Sharp.

“Yes. I think the vandal used liquid smoke as glue,” Shining answered. “So don’t go spreading rumours, alright?”

“Yes, Captain,” Sharp Ranger saluted and set off.

Shining beckoned Spike and Nyx over to him. “I don’t want you to think I suspect you, but I have to consider all possibilities.”

Spike nodded.

“Nyx, did you see or hear Spike leave the guestroom at all last night?” asked Shining Armour.

“No, Captain,” replied Nyx.

“Uh, you can just call me Shining. Or Uncle Shining, if you like. Can I see your claws, Spike?”

There was no trace of spray paint on them, and they didn’t smell like hamsters in any way.

“Alright. Unless some new evidence comes up that incriminates you, I won’t bother you about this anymore,” said Shining. “But might I ask you and Nyx to help clean everything up?”

Author's Note:

Inspired by the film "Exit Through the Gift Shop".