Chance for a Better Life

by Kix

Chapter Nine; Shared Pain- Lily

“Okay kiddo, we gotta go and drop these three off and then we need to talk to Posey. Bacon-Hair can help you set up the electronics, just stay out of trouble and call if anything happens,” Chrysalis says with a grin as she hugs me while my arms are full of the bags from our shopping spree.

“Sure thing Chrys, am I still gonna be coming over tomorrow?”

“Of course, I made a promise didn’t I?”

Grinning like the mad hatter, I open the door after Chrysalis, followed by Luna and Celestia giving me a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. Humming happily, I am totally unprepared for the scene I walk into.

Moonshade is in the loveseat, but what is most surprising is the fact that she is using Applejack’s lap as a pillow and has a genuine smile as she shares a large bowl of popcorn with the cowgirl. Sunset and Rarity are sharing the couch with their own smaller bowls. As I do a double take at where Moonshade, is I notice the teddy bear she has on her chest. “Hey Lil, did you have a good time? And what is with all the bags?” Sunset pauses the movie as Moon is the first to greet me.

“Okay, who are you and what have you done with Moonshade? The Moon I know would NEVER be caught in this kind of predicament.”

“It’s me Lily, I promise. I know this looks weird for me, but… after having a nice, long talk with AJ, I felt a lot better.”

The others just stay silent for now as they watch me as I wrap my arms tightly around her neck. “I’m glad to hear that they had a breakthrough with you. And as for what are in the bags, well…” I dig out the phone and tablet boxes I picked out for her and hand them over. “Celestia got us each our own phone and tablet. They have cases and screen protectors already attached, they just need to be set up. I’m curious, what did you guys talk about?”

“Thanks Lily, I appreciate it. As for what we talked about… well… me and AJ, we have… something in common. She… she lost her parents as well. After talking with her about what happened… I felt as if a weight was lifted from my shoulders.”

Must have been a hell of a talk to have her looking so… not happy, but maybe… content? “Well I’m happy about it, thank you AJ.”

“No problem, Moon jus’ needed some help with gettin’ through the first stage o’ healin’, talkin’ about yer pain. Though Ah know we only scratched the tip o’ the iceberg with her.”

“Wait, there are more stages to healing than just talking about it? And what do you mean by tip off the iceberg?” Moon’s attempt to sit up in alarm causes all four of us to laugh as she fails and lands back on Applejack’s lap with a groan.

“Yep, and one of those stages is forgiveness, which has a couple stages all of its own,” Sunset says as she gets up and scoots over closer to Rarity, offering the seat next to her for me. I sit instead I sit in the armchair, which happens to be closer to the love seat.

“As for what we mean by tip of the iceberg darling, we know there is more than just the loss of your parents that is hurting you. And Lily, we also noticed that you are also hiding some pain, though we promise not to force you to talk about it, as long as you promise to talk about whatever is bothering you when you are ready.” Rarity looks at me with a serious expression, mimicked by both Sunset and Applejack while I look at Moonshade, who is wearing the same ‘do we really have to’ expression as I am.

“And what if… what if I can’t… won’t forgive whoever hurt me? I don’t think I’ll ever be able to… not after what they did.” I can’t forgive my parents, they can rot in hell after what they did.

“Then you’ll never be able find happiness, the pain will never go away and will eventually eat you up. You want to find happiness and peace? Well this is the only way.” Sunset gets up from her seat and looks at the both of us as Applejack gets up from her spot, directing me to take her spot. “And don’t think of forgiveness as what they show in the movies or t.v.. Instead, it is something that takes time and has its own stages. Being able to forgive someone who badly hurt you means you willingly and truthfully give up any resentment, anger and hurt they caused. True forgiveness is more than just words and it doesn’t mean you forget what happened, but rather work through it to where the pain and hurt no longer controls your life.”

“Ya don’ wanna be holdin’ onta that pain forever, do ya?” Applejack asks as Sunset finishes talking, looking directly at the two of us.

“No, but…” Both Moonshade and myself start to answer. I don’t know what is going on in Moon’s mind but… I just hate the idea of forgiving them.

“No buts darlings, it is either yes or no. And the first step is admitting that the event hurt you and how badly it hurt you.” Rarity cuts off our answer, but I can’t help thinking how much I hate the idea as she speaks.

“I know how hard it can be to forgive, and not just others but yourself as well.” A sigh escapes from the fire haired girl as she seems to have deflated some. “I wasn’t always like this. Back when I started going to Canterlot High I quickly became the queen bitch, with a capital bitch. Before I came here I had a mentor who also happened to be someone of great importance, she took me in and taught me. Me, an orphan with no real future, impressed her that much. As the years went on under her wing, I grew more and more resentful, and I never knew the real reason for it. I guess she never knew it either. Eventually I learned that I could become as good as she was or even better using a cheat. The pursuit of wanting that power she could give me blew up and she ran me out of the building. Eventually, I became enrolled here and started taking the resentment and anger on everyone else, and it only got worse when I learned she took a new student who showed great promise.”

Sunset takes a deep breath and shudders a little as Rarity and Applejack stand behind her, comforting hands on her shoulders. “I tore almost every group of friends apart, including these five, but the new student was able to undo all of that and… defeated me with the help of her new five friends. They’ve shown me a different path to live, a better path, and while they forgave me easily enough, the rest of the students, and more importantly myself, had yet to forgive me. During that period of being friends with these five girls, they planned something special for me over Christmas: one sleepover a night for five days, with the last one including a huge party. I was excited and looking forward to the first Christmas I had freed of my darkness.” Taking a glance upwards I notice that the two girls who are standing have expressions of pure shame as they glance at each other. “After the second party, rumors started being spread on MyStable using an account that had coloration matching my skin and hair. It didn’t take long until it spiraled out of control, making all the students think I was up to my old tricks, even my friends thought I was behind it, and they did have some strong evidence I couldn’t argue against.”

“We aren’ really proud o’ what we did ta ya, Sunset.” Applejack’s hand squeezes the shoulder she is gripping and her head hangs in shame.

“We really should have listened to you more and given you a chance to explain,” Rarity adds, following Applejack’s lead. Both girls smile a little as Sunset drapes her hands over theirs.

“We may have made up after the real troublemakers turned themselves in, but… for a long time I felt… angry with them and barely wanted to spend time with them, even avoiding them for days at a time. At this time I still hadn’t forgiven myself for the problems I caused and the bitch I allowed myself to be, I thought I deserved everything I was getting. It wasn’t until my only other friend, my mentor’s new student, stopped by to check up on me that I learned how to truly forgive the others and myself.” Sunset gives the hands she is holding a hard squeeze while smiling before continuing. “After going through that whole process, I found that at the end I felt better, happier, freer, and in a way… lighter than before, as if some of the baggage I was carrying around was removed. After some time, I even I got the chance to have a sit down with my old mentor and we talked about our mistakes, finally airing the grief and pain we caused each other.”

In a flood of anger, I can’t help but shout, surprising not just the three of them but also Moonshade as I jump from my seat, getting directly in Sunset’s face. “GOOD FOR YOU, YOU ONLY HAD TO DEAL WITH EMOTIONAL PAIN THAT CAME FROM PEOPLE WHO CHOSE TO BE AROUND YOU! ME? WOULD YOU FORGIVE YOUR OWN PARENTS, WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT YOU AND BE THERE FOR YOU BUT INSTEAD ABUSED YOU PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY AND… AND… SEXUALLY? I HAD TO DEAL WITH THAT SINCE I WAS EIGHT! HOW CAN YOU FORGIVE THEM FOR THAT? FOR LETTING OTHERS DO THE SAME? HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO FORGIVE THEM FOR THAT? I HATE THEM AND WISH THEY WOULD DIE!”

My outburst causes my knees to weaken and I fall, kneeling in front of her as I start crying after the pent up anger is released, my body trembling. I can barely hear Moonshade as she also speaks up angrily. “ANSWER THAT FOR US, SUNSET! HOW CAN YOU FORGIVE SOMEONE THAT WILLINGLY ABUSED YOU AND TOOK ADVANTAGE OF YOUR CHILDHOOD? I HAD TO DEAL WITH THAT WITH THE FIRST FAMILY WHO TOOK ME IN AFTER BEING REMOVED FROM MY UNCLE’S HOUSE! AND WHEN THEY TIRED OF ME THEY RETURNED ME, WHERE I WAS ADOPTED BY LILY’S PARENTS! HOW CAN YOU EVEN SUGGEST THAT WE TRY TO FORGIVE THEM?”

~~~~~The Next Day~~~~~

Groaning, I open my eyes a sliver, wondering what time it is and how I got to my bed. I can hear noises in the room as if someone is talking, but it sounds as if they’re talking through a wall or at a distance. Giving myself some time, I focus on the conversation. “... Ah’d like fer ya ta do it Moon, an’ not jus’ mahself either, but Sunset, Rarity, Celestia, Luna, Chrysalis an’ the others wan’ ya ta do it as well.”

“Fine, I’ll… I’ll go with you this week and… try it out.” I yawn and stretch, alerting the others I’m awake, and the sight that greets me is Rarity, Applejack and Sunset sitting on Moon’s bed in pajamas with Moon between the farm girl and the fashionista, her head hanging and shoulder slouched. “Morning Lily. Applejack here wants us to… come with her this week to visit her councilor.”

“I just… let me think on that, okay.” As my hands wipe across my eyes, I notice that there are still tears forming, but at a lot slower pace than yesterday. As I sit up, I notice that I have one missed call. I wonder what Chrys will say about Applejack wanting us to meet with her councilor. After the round of good mornings and questions about how I’m feeling, I get up and with some effort, make myself breakfast. I’m normally the morning person between myself and Moon. When did we switch?

Once I’m done eating, I step into the bathroom and turn on the water, debating if I should soak in the tub or just have a shower. As I debate this, I turn to the mirror on impulse once I’m undressed, staring into my reflection’s eyes. Staring back at me is a look of pure anger and pain as images of my abuse start to play around the reflection. How can you ask me to forgive them, huh? Finally I scream out, overwhelmed by the thoughts and feelings running wild. Without thinking my fist goes into the mirror, showering me in shards of glass as I try to stop the images.

“Lily, are you okay? What happened?” I can’t tell who it is that asked thanks to the door and the running water, but I’m guessing the it is Sunset.

“Yeah, just… I’m fine. I’ll be out in a bit.” How am I going to explain this? I don’t do stuff like this, loose control like that.

“I’m coming in Lily, I heard glass breaking in there, and you don’t sound fine.” As the door opens a little I hop inside the tub, my head peeking out from behind the curtain and I’m surprised to see Chrysalis sliding through the opening, not Sunset. “I saw you come in, and you seemed distracted. Everything okay, kiddo?”

“N- no, yesterday.... after… after you dropped me off, Sunset and the other two girls had a… breakthrough with Moonshade and… got her to… open up about losing her parents. Then while we were… talking they… they said that… I had to… forgive my parents if I wanted to… find peace and happiness. How… how can they ask me do that? How can I do it? Should I even do it?”

“That is up to you, Lily. I can’t begin to understand the kind of pain you must have gone through, but I do know this. Those girls are genuinely concerned about you and Moonshade.” Chrys sits on the toilet and grabs my left hand as she talks, plucking out the shards of glass before pressing a washcloth against the cuts, stemming the flow.

“Also, Applejack wants me to go with her next week to go see her councilor.”

As she smiles while still tending to my injured hand, a light chuckle escapes from her throat. “Try it out kiddo, see how talking to them makes you feel.”

“Thanks Chrys, I’ll… I’ll give it a shot.”

“Good, now finish up. We got something to do, if you still want to do it.” I can’t help but give her a playful splash, which gets rewarded by being dunked under the water’s surface before she leaves.

Comments

[Windy0]

Wow, heavy chapter.

[badninja]

I get the feeling that Lily will take the longest to heal. Hopefully her parents and the corrupt cop get their just deserts soon!

[Kix]

7271031 what makes you think that?

[badninja]

7271088

For Lily, how deep her betrayal was. As for the others being very hopeful.