Alright, I'll just say that I love the concept for this story. I could easily see Twilight doing something like this, and even though I haven't actually seen the movie that this is apparently based on, it's still a pretty cool concept.
The problem that I have with it is a matter of execution. First of all, the chapters are way too short, and nothing really tends to happen in some particular ones. Secondly, it's way too rushed. If you're writing horror or dark stories in general, one of the things that you absolutely must pay attention to is pacing. The events in the story jumped and hopped around way, way too suddenly. Put breaks in the major events. Do something to make it less jarring.
I've never seen the movie so correct me if I'm wrong. I thought the guy didn't realize what was happening to him? In this fic does Twilight know? Just a question I'm not trying to say your story is bad, just curious
Alright, I'll just say that I love the concept for this story. I could easily see Twilight doing something like this, and even though I haven't actually seen the movie that this is apparently based on, it's still a pretty cool concept.
The problem that I have with it is a matter of execution. First of all, the chapters are way too short, and nothing really tends to happen in some particular ones. Secondly, it's way too rushed. If you're writing horror or dark stories in general, one of the things that you absolutely must pay attention to is pacing. The events in the story jumped and hopped around way, way too suddenly. Put breaks in the major events. Do something to make it less jarring.
Wait. Hair growing on hair?
3242324 my guess black hairs growing on or over purple fur
733857 i agree its good it pacing but does seem to be a bit fast ps i think this is based on the remakes of the Flue from the 80's
I've never seen the movie so correct me if I'm wrong. I thought the guy didn't realize what was happening to him? In this fic does Twilight know? Just a question I'm not trying to say your story is bad, just curious
4764295
Seth Brundle becomes all too aware of what's happening to him as the film progresses.