Rainbow Apples

by DashApples

The late night talk

The sun had vanished over the last few hours and was now replaced by the big shiny ball of the moon which had already risen half the way up to his cenit. The silver light was shining all over Ponyville, and no cloud could be seen on the sky. The weather ponies had done a good job today.

„Can you see the stars, AJ?“ Rainbow Dash asked her (now) marefriend, while looking up to the crystal clear sky.

„They shine just as bright as your eyes.“ Rainbow continued smiling.

She looked over to Applejack, just to find the eyes she had just talked about looking down to her.
Rainbow smiled and snuggled up to her lover, resting her head on Apllejack’s chest.

She was happy. The day couldn’t have been a better one. She had woken up, got to work just in time, moved a few clouds from A to B, took a nap, moved more clouds, finished work early and then she had found her friend, sleeping under an apple tree. Then it came even better. Her friend had convinced her love to Rainbow Dash. She had never been happy before, as she had already loved her friend for a whil. But Rainbow had choosed to pretend that wasn't the fact.

„Applejack?“ She asked while her eyes where closed. „Yes sugarcube?“ The response came from her orange pillow.

Rainbow looked up to her marefriends face. „Why me?“

Applejack lifted her head up from the ground and looked at Rainbow.

„Cuz yah cute. Ya’ve been mah best friend since childhood, and ah always thought that ya were cute, adorable and loyal. Yah have always been there for me when ah needet support. Ah have always liked that about yah, and then ah realized that ah’ve liked yah more then just in the way of a friend.“

She gave Rainbow a snuggle and ruffled her mane with one hoofe. „Ah really like yah, Dashie.“ She added to what she said before.

Rainbow Dash snitched one ear upon hearing the nickname.

„I told you not to call me by that nickname. It’s weird...“

Applejack chuckled and pulled the rainbow maned pegasi closer to her chest.
„Dawww. Yah so adorable when ya upset.“ She gave her a peck on the muzzles.

Rainbow put on a smirk to her face. she looked at the orange pony and sighted like she gave in.
„You know AJ I kind of like it. You can call me Dashie if you want to, but only if I can call you Jacky.“

„Oh no way in hell yah going to call mahself Jacky, get yah head out of the clouds.“

Rainbow started to chuckle. „So, what are we saying to our friends?“ She asked.

Applejack sat up and leaned against the apple tree, much to her lovers dissapointment. „Well“ Applejack thought about it. „Maybe we should just tell ehm?“ She suggested, shrugging her shoulders slighty.

„WHAT?!“ Rainbow's head shot up in the air. „We can’t tell them! What if they don’t understand about us?!“ The cyan pegasus said, with only a pitch of panic in her voice.

Applejack looked at her with a surprised expression. „Ah think they would understand hun. It’s not unusual for to mares ta be in love, so why should they be disgusted by it?“ She asked.

Rainbow thought about it for a moment, then she sighted. „AJ... I love you. I really do. And I really don’t want to risk anything. We should just not tell anyone, and keep it a secret for ourselfs.“

„Okay sugarcube, if ya think that’s what we should do, we do that.“ Applejack while leaning towards her marefriend. She kissed Rainbow Dash on the mouth and after the kiss, she got up and said: „We should probably go home for now, it’s already late and we need some rest.“

Rainbow Dash murred about that one, and cursed herself for taking the early shift tomorrow morning. „Yeah. You are right.“ She finally claimed. „I will walk you home, and then go to my house to get some rest for myself.“

Together, the two ponys walked to Applejack’s, and when they arrived there, they kissed each other goodbye.

„Goodnight sugarcube, get home safe.“ Applejack whispered to her love. She gave her a chinrub. Then she turned around, opening the door and getting inside her house. She looked back at Rainbow Dash for one last time, then she closed the door, smiling about the look on Rainbowdash’s face.

It was the „You-are-just-to-damn-beautiful“ look, only a person in love could do correctly.

When the door shut, Rainbow waited a moment, then she turned around and took off for home.

The next morning:

It was early in the morning when Rainbow Dash’s alarm started to ring. The sun hasn’t even made it over the horizon.

Rainbow rolled herself from the bed, and literally crawled to her alerm clock, she had wisely positioned about three meters away, so that she had to get out of bed to turn it off.

She cursed herself for this „great“ idea, but at least she was awake now. She turned off the alarm and remained on the floor for another moment, her eyes shut, recapturing what had happened yestarday evening.

She got together with Applejack, the mare she always had layed her eyes on. Everything turned out just fine for the two of them. She shook her head, shooing away the thoughts about the evening.

She lifted herself off the ground and walked through her bedroom into the bathroom. When she looked into the mirror, a cyan pegasi looked back at, her rainbowish mane standing up in all directions, and her eyes half closed.

Rainbow yawned loud and got herself under the water. She showered for a few minutes, or maybe more then just a few, before stepping out of the shower. She dryed herself with a nearby towel and then tossed it in the laundry box.

When she hoovered through the floor in order to get into her kitchen, she heard a knock on the front door.

She wondered who it might be, and when she got there to open it, she saw Derpy Hooves hoovering infront of her, holding a letter in her mouth.

„Hello Derpy“ Rainbow Dash said surprised to her opposite.

Derpy already wanted to speak up, but then remembered the letter in her mouth. She took it out of it and smiled friendly at Rainbow.

„Hey Rainbow Dash, how are you?“ She asked, and then added to it: „Im great thanks for asking.“

Rainbow had to chuckle. Derpy always had been a bit weird, but Rainbow liked that bout her. She was a good pony, always honest, and relyable.

„Derpy, I havn’t even had the chance to ask you how you are. But it’s nice that you are good. And yeah I am great too, why are you here at that early hour?„

Derpy just looked at Rainbow for a few seconds, then she suddenly realized that she was asked something.

„Oh yeah I nearly forgot. I got this letter for you yesterday. The post pony delivered it to my house by mistake I guess... I was just on the way to work when I saw that the lights in your house were on, I decided to bring it over quickly.“ She handed the letter to Rainbow, who took it off from Derpy. She hold it in her hooves, and looked at it. The light in the doorframe was to bad to deshivre who had send it to her.

„Thank you Derpy. Hey, we talk later, okay? I have to get going.“ She said, looking behind her into the floor, were a clock showed 4:37. She had to be at work at 5:00.

„Oh yeah. Sure Rainbow. I wish you a great day.“ And so Derpy took off, and flew away.

Rainbow Dash closed the door went into the kitchen to take a quick breakfist. Entering the dining room she tossed the letter onto the table, in order to read it later.

She had a bowl of cereals for breakfist, and when she fnished it, the clock already showed 4:53. If she didn’t hurry now, Rainbow would come too late for work. And today she wanted to finish work as early as possible, so she could meet her marefriend at the orchard right afterwards.

She threw the dirty bowl into the sink and left her home, leaving a rainbow trail behind her.

Comments

[PegasusMesa]

6946948

Whatever you do with this story, you're the one who has to choose. I'll lay out the two most obvious paths here.

1. Full rewrite

Fully rewriting the story from scratch is generally a difficult prospect. In your case, however, it's not so bad, because you only have two chapters published for a total of 3k-ish words. In the rewrite, the first chapter would be drastically slowed down to account for a more realistically developing relationship, so that chapter would probably turn into a bunch. Heck, up until the confession could be half the story itself, because that's where a lot of the conflict takes place. Not to say that relationships are without conflict, but they generally have less mystique.

Anyway, the full rewrite wouldn't be terribly difficult.

2. Keep going and improve as you write

This is how I go about my writing. If I've published something, I won't change it except for tweaking it when I find something specific I don't like. Storylines, characterizations, etc. never change after it's been put up for the world to see. I like this method because it means I don't have to worry about shaping the story after it's up—I only need concern myself with what's wrong and what I'll do to avoid that problem in the future. It also provides an accurate timeline for your development as an author. My first story is god-awful, and while I wouldn't say my recent stuff is great, it's head-over-heels better than my early works. With every story I learn something else and get different criticism that I can apply to my next work so I'm constantly improving.

[DashApples]

6947254

Yeah these are the only ways it could go from here. I think I will keep on going. I planned to focus on there life together more then on the confession anyway. I find these parts in storys more interesting, so I try to write what I could imagine their life as partners.

Thank you for your comment once again

Thankfully,

DashApples

[PinkiePiesGF]

6946948
You could do either. In the end it's up to you, after all you are the author.
Personally, I would take it down and rewrite it. Look at it tomorrow and correct all the errors. Also I suggest you read On Writing by Stephen King. That book helped me out a lot.
Have fun writing!

[DashApples]

6947450
I had made up my mind about it and I think its best to leave it and just correct some parts im really not happy with. After all it's something I belived in. So, I will just continue the story. Once it's finished I will go to the next one, and actually take some time thinking about what to write. Also I will give that book a shot.

Thanks for your comment (again)

With thankfull greets,

DashApples