The Ballad of Sir Spike de Draco

by Zay-el

Deathtrap Boutique and the Shy Puppeteer

Title picture by the one and only John Joseco. A supreme being of pure awesome, who had come up with the idea of Badass!Spike far sooner than my feeble mind could ever have hoped to.

Also, EQD feature get!! :D This bard now officially feels like an avatar of happiness!

---

“You think that was her?” Twilight asked, still perched upon the dragon's broad shoulder, like an oversized parrot.

“No idea.” Sir Spike mused, admittedly baffled at least as much as she was. “If it's her though, we're still doing fine. Getting to and from the moon doesn't seem like an easy task.”

Rainbow Dash couldn't give them a detailed explanation of the pony she had spotted on the moon and while both she and the knight were more than ready to send her up on a direct surveillance mission, Twilight had shot that idea down right away, considering the pegasus had already been shivering like crazy by the time she had landed the first time.

“Perhaps we should hurry up though, just in case.” his squire remarked, getting back down to the surface finally, with his assistance. “If she does manage to find her way here after all, it'd be good if we already had the Elements of Harmony to combat her with.”

“Are you sure that's the only way to defeat that wicked creature?” Spike questioned, glancing down at his assistant. Twilight could swear she could see the slightest bit of hesitation, perhaps even confusion on his face, both very unnatural emotions for him. “I haven't seen anything yet that I could skewer with my trusty sword.”

“Nightmare Moon is probably far beyond any other opponent you've ever faced before.” the unicorn tried to expound her findings and speculations as clearly as possible. “She was, at the time of her banishment, an equal to Princess Celestia herself. If anything, she should be extremely powerful.”

“Flame breath?”

“She's the mistress of the night. Nights are cold. I think you can make the correlation.”

“...boot to the head?”

“Now you're just being silly!” she giggled, knowing he was joking as well at this point. He could act hard-headed and unfocused towards anything scholarly, but he rarely came up with anything outright stupid.

“Just checking whether my little squire is paying attention.” he chuckled along as well.

It didn't really matter how difficult it would be to vanquish Nightmare Moon anyway. The idea of failure never even got into his mind, even for a split second; a result of fierce training and determination. Earth pony, unicorn, pegasus, alicorn, hydra, dragon, diamond dog, bunny, it didn't hold a difference to him. They all bled and as such, they could all be killed. It was just a matter of finding the appropriate and preferably enjoyable or at least entertaining method of doing so.

“Let's focus on our task at hand, for now.” Twilight dutifully reminded him as they entered the lavishly adorned Town Hall.

They couldn't help but commend the efforts behind the decorating process, as it had obviously taken quite some time to properly align and place such a huge amount of colored drapes and silks. Jewels and gems were masterfully attached to them as well, their numbers enough for a whole clan of dragons or to cause everlasting hyperinflation in a smaller country. They all conjoined into a beautiful blend of shades and styles, creating a perfect atmosphere, more than fitting for the Summer Sun Celebration.

“I...don't really think we have much to do here.” the unicorn breathed after a short while, awestruck by the sheer amount of decor, which by some wonder, didn't end up looking gaudy, breaking all visual and perceptive laws she'd known till now.

“Beautiful...” the knight muttered, just as much in awe as she was, if not more. “Absolutely gorgeous, magnificently and strikingly so. Such perfection I have never even dreamed of witnessing one day. My life feels better, fuller all around more complete by having absorbed this one sight.”

“Yeah...the decoration really is pretty.” Twilight raised a brow at his excited glorification, having never known the knight to be so much into design.

“If I cared any less about that, it'd go into negative amounts.” he stated, surprising his squire a bit. “I'm talking about...her...” he continued, his voice lowering to a whisper by the end. He pointed towards the a white unicorn with an exquisitely kept purple mane, still in the midst of arranging several more jewels.

“Oh...her...” her tone was one of mild annoyance at this point, the pony before them instantly gaining a bad start in her book. Sure, she might have looked as if a thunderstorm, hail, earthquake and perhaps even a brief tsunami had been amongst the things she has had to face just today, but she wasn't THAT hideous!

The unicorn in question picked her head up in the meantime, flinching from her work. Something was just not right, she could feel it in her veins, an uncomfortable prickly sensation running down her spine. The ground felt wrong under her hooves, a familiar feeling of dread and danger enveloping her heart. She was used to this by now, but nonetheless, it always struck her how strongly she could pick these things up.

“My fashion sense is tingling. There is a disturbance in the Style.” she mused and cautiously turned around, only to let out a brief yelp as she noticed the two approaching. “Oh good heavens, dear! What grisly fate has befallen your coiffure?” she asked, the look on her face suggesting she'd just witnessed something utterly terrifying.

“My what—oh, my mane!” the lavender pony quickly caught on and shook her head, making it perhaps even worse, judging by how the other cringed to the motion. “Had a bit of an accident earlier, nothing serious.” she dismissed the other one's worries. “We're just here to check up on the decoration and we'll be gone before you know it.”

“No.” the white unicorn stated grimly, her gaze becoming almost frightening. “I will not allow anypony to go around with such an unkempt, unsightly, unacceptable...thing!” she almost shrieked and stomped with a well-groomed hoof. She summoned her own bit of magic, quickly dragging the reluctant Twilight towards her home. “You'll thank me for this, darling!”

“Oh, I'm thanking you already.” Spike murmured and followed them both with an enormous grin plastered across his face.

He could hardly even believe his luck. Not only has he managed to see the most beautiful unicorn that has ever galloped upon this earth, but with the help of his squire, he'd get a glimpse of her home no more than five minutes after he'd found her! His squire was less than enthusiastic about the idea, trashing and squirming as if the white unicorn was taking her straight to the execution platform.

'A well-executed reconnaissance mission is the key to a successful conquest!' he recited a quote from his battle-worn tactics teacher, getting the actual point of the lesson dead wrong, but at the same time, making the chore of having listened to it worthwhile. After all, knowledge was worth only as much as how much use one could get out of it!

---

“Black, how about black? It's dark and mysterious, goes well with your darker coat. Or maybe...ah yes, red, the classic crimson! Nah, it's just too typical. Violet might work! And there! Less lace? No...needs more actually, look at that! Smashing, absolutely gorgeous! And jewels, can't forget...shouldn't be too much though, or it'll detract from the main attraction. Hehe, funny little wordplay there, right? Amethyst maybe?”

“I really don't think I need something like this, Rarity.”

“Nonsense. This is neither formal, nor outdoor clothing, but certainly something a lady needs to keep in her wardrobe, especially someone as luscious as you!” the unicorn continued circling around her, making small adjustments to the already rather minimalist attire, all the while complementing on her looks. Twilight couldn't really consider the praise unwelcome, but she certainly would have liked it better if she hadn't been stranded in a situation such as this.

“No, I'm serious I really don't want this anywhere near, much less on me.” the scholarly squire argued, her face taking on a plum color once again. The thought of wearing something nice did appeal to her every now and then, but this was far over the line.

She felt horribly embarrassed to be dressed as such, the revealing nature of Rarity's 'dress' far more adult in nature than she ever would have tolerated. Sure, it probably would have helped draw the sights of any number of colts and then some more, but it just really wasn't her style, despite the tiny little voice insisting she'd try luring the normally quite amorous dragon warrior with it.

“Alright, alright.” the designer giggled and complied finally, seeing how Twilight's body seriously began to need the blood that had rushed to her face back. “I'll just put this on reserve for you then.” she added, levitating it back into a very specific closet. “You'll be back for it; they always return for these, eventually.”

“Not in a million years. Can I go now, we have to-”

“In a bit, just a couple more. Your mane may be perfect now, but there's still much to do!” she exclaimed, summoning another few rolls of fabric. To Twilight though, it much rather seemed like a constantly extended prison sentence.

“AWAY WITH YOU, FOUL BEAST!!”

“What was that?” the unicorn peeked towards the door leading to freedom, hoping Rarity would be more curious about what might be occurring in the other room than needlessly expanding her fashion choices.

“Nothing serious I'm sure.” the pony however dismissed the noise, far more absorbed into her current task at hand. “He's probably just playing with my dear, sweet, adorable little kitten, Opalescence. Now, you were telling me where you're from?”

---

Spike dashed back with all the speed he could muster, narrowly avoiding a potentially fatal gash to his throat. The lack of space due to all the fabric rolls and other fashion necessities certainly didn't help his cause. He grabbed hold of a nearby mannequin and hurled it towards where he'd last seen his opponent, before taking a moment to recoup and reassess the situation.

He had partaken in a large number of duels and battles by now, but he couldn't remember the last time he had been in one this vicious. He already had to discard an almost completely destroyed armlet and the several cuts he had received were burning in pain, constantly reminding him not to underestimate the creature stalking him. He growled and readjusted his stance, wiping a bit of blood off his cheek. This was not a friendly joust, but a true fight to the death.

The knight closed his eyes for a moment and instead of actively observing the battlefield, tried to listen to his numerous other senses as well. He could feel his opponent scurry about and prepare for yet another assault, not even the tiniest tapping of feet avoiding his other eight senses.

“Now!” he grunted to himself, stepping forwards and slamming his closed fist into the beautifully tiled room, turning it into a colorful jigsaw puzzle.

A shockwave erupted from the attack, nearly every object within an eight-foot radius rising into the air for a moment. He didn't waste this opportunity and opened his mouth, calling upon the might of his dragon ancestors and forerunners. A stream of raw elemental fire erupted from his throat a moment later, flaring through the room and reducing everything to ashes in its wake.

He saw something white jumping aside at the last second, coming to a screeching halt on the floor with the use of its deadly claws. He glared down and met the equally savage visage of his opponent. Both bore several marks of this titanic battle already, but neither were ready nor willing to give any ground over to the other. The white ball of fluff roared menacingly at the large drake, her tiny purple bow slightly singed from the attack.

Spike could clearly see he'd just made the cat even angrier with this, especially as she continued to snarl at him, showing off her claws, promising to rip him into tiny, scaly shreds. She made her jump none too soon, aiming to topple him over and methodically slice him up like an overgrown fleshy cake. The knight had no intention of giving in though and threw his ruined armlet at her, hitting Opalescence dead on.

She meowed pathetically and flew towards the wall, only to suddenly rebound off of it and swoop in for a surprise attack. He managed to avoid the full force of the strike, but she still managed to graze his side, cutting through even his thickest scales. He hissed in pain and turned to face her again, his eyes now just about glowing with rage. Only one of them would leave this room alive.

“Sir Spike, come quick!!”

He heard his squire's cry, but didn't take his eyes off Opal as she mockingly purred, her tail wagging in anticipation. She'd never tasted dragon meat before, after all. He had no mind to continue this fight any longer though. It was a knight's duty to slay evil, but never at the cost of others, especially not someone like Twilight, whom he was bound by honor and chivalry to protect.

Opalescence screeched and prepared for the killing blow, lunging into the air to tear straight into his heart. The dragon's muscles tensed as he waited for the exact time to strike. He poured all of his might, his valor, his determination, pain, sorrow and love into a single strike that would make or break not only this clash, but his very life.

“BEGONE!!”

His fist shot forward like a piercing bullet, just in time as Opal came into clear view. She seemed to realize her mistake at the very last microsecond, but could no longer alter her flight in any way. With a downright cataclysmic effect, he punched the white fur ball with all he had, the impact toppling over at what little had remained somewhat still and orderly in the room after his shockwave-slam.

The cat whined and whimpered from the strike, staying still in the air for one delirious second, before the draic knight's attack send her hurtling across the wall and next couple of rooms as well, leaving a neat, feline-shaped hole in each she had passed through. He couldn't even begin to imagine where her final destination would be, but he wouldn't have been surprised if she ended up going all the way to Canterlot.

Spike sighed and lowered his fist, a bit of steam erupting from his nostrils, from all this exertion. It's been a while since he had to put this much effort into a fight. If Nightmare Moon was in any way as powerful as this kitten unexpectedly proved to be, he was in for the greatest battle of his life.

He inhaled deeply and left the room, unseen winds ruffling up his cape, the golden symbol of the Draic Kin glinting magnificently as he left to collect his pony, who was no doubt in a serious predicament.

---

“Thank you, Sir Spike. Another few minutes and she surely would have given me a complete makeover.” the lavender unicorn shivered in absolute horror, walking alongside her scarred hero.

When he had found her, the unicorn was pretty much bound the the ground, as the number of gems the overactive fashion designer had placed on the dress she'd been forced to try on, rendered her unable to take so much as a single step. He didn't tell her what he'd been fighting, but she wouldn't have been surprised if Rarity had rigged her house with traps, in case of escapees.

“Don't mention it, squire. I'm just relieved you're alright and look exactly as you always have.” he nodded slightly, smiling as she seemed to have once again grown a light blush from what she perceived as a kindly compliment.

“Er...we still need to check how the music is coming along.” she quickly derailed the topic, much to his amusement.

“Of course.” the knight nodded to her words, following his trusty squire. Neither of them really knew where they were to find whoever was in charge of music, other than the fact she was supposed to be located in the outskirts.

Thunderous tunes startled the two all of a sudden, their source somewhere very close to them. Spike gently ushered several large bushes out of their way, only to accidentally tear several of them out of the ground and send them flying. Twilight sighed in a slightly tired, but accepting manner. Even when fully restrained, the dragon was like a bouquet of natural disasters, wrapped in nearly folded chaos.

The music rose in volume the closer they got, shifting into several streams even. There seemed to be several beings singing, their tones shifting from the deepest of bass, to a soft soprano. Spike felt exhilarated, the singing reminding him of the Hall of Knights in Canterlot, where he'd spent many fun, cider- and battle-filled nights, that often ended with all the young and elder knights roaring, shouting, bellowing and belching the many great songs of known and forgotten warriors.

Smacking the last bush aside, he was dumbstruck to find a delicate little yellow pegasus conducting the chorus of birds. The softest of pink manes flew before her eyes as she gave them the base voice of the song, her expression surprisingly determined. A member of her menagerie seemed to be slacking off though, consistently hitting the wrong tones over and over again.

“Halt!” she ordered, her voice crackling like a whip, making the avian singers shudder. The pony's look seemed surprisingly dark for her light colors as she flapped her wings, flying up to the offending one.

“This isn't the first time I had to stop because of you, is it?” she asked, sounding both kind and menacing at the same time, a feat both Twilight and Sir Spike believed only Celestia was capable of doing. “I don't think I have to remind you how important this celebration is, nor how...disappointed I'd be if something didn't go as planned.”

The bird seemed to have realized its mistake and looked around in a panic, piping up in what seemed like little more than a weak whimper for mercy.

“Is that so?” she tilted her head slightly, though the expression on her face held no better promises for it. “I do remember asking whether everyone was healthy. And I offered medicine as well. Twice.” she emphasized each word slowly, causing the bird to lose several feathers from fright as it tried another stream of apologetic chirps.

“No.” she firmly stated, to which he only whimpered even louder. “I said NO!” she growled, her voice louder than even the chorus had been mere moments ago. “I've warned you, not once, not twice. I've trusted you to get your act together, but you've broken that trust. I am disappointed, so very disappointed.” she said, her words unnaturally solemn.

In that instant, the bird attempted to outright flee, only to stop as the pony gazed deep into its eyes. It mustered all of its strength to fight whatever she was doing and flapped around with its wings, until it slowly stopped moving at all. Its feathers straightened and it ceased to squirm about as well, falling silent altogether. Twilight couldn't help but swallow, as she continued watching this highly tense scene.

“Shall we continue practicing?” she eased into a sweet tone once again, smiling.

The bird chirped briefly in approval, but no longer seemed to remember what had happened, nor truly comprehend anything else. Twilight shuddered as she could see even from such a distance, that the once spunky creature no longer had any spark of vigor or life in its eyes. It was as if all trace of will and individuality had been extracted from it.

“Excuse me!” she called out finally, remembering their duty.

To her utmost surprise though, the pony let out a loud squeak and nearly forgot how to fly for a moment. She descended back onto the ground in just a second, inching away slightly from the lavender unicorn; a feature Twilight truly did not expect to see. She assumed this pegasus was perhaps the loudest of them all, judging from what happened mere moments ago and yet here she was, nearly cowering before her.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I'm Twilight Sparkle and this is-” she glanced aside, only to see just a big batch of emptiness where her dragon warrior was supposed to be. In the distance, she could hear what sounded like several roars, making her groan and let her hoof rest on her forehead for a brief moment.

“-nevermind. I don't wish to bother you for long, I just wanted to see how the preparations are coming along. You handle your birds...er...very efficiently!” she said, hoping she didn't offend her with the slight pause as she looked for the right wording.

The pony mumbled something, but the unicorn couldn't hear a single syllable out of it. A bit of awkward silence fell between the two and while Twilight smiled to alleviate it a little, it just became more and more dense with every passing second.

“What's your name?” she pushed.

“...I...” the pegasus just about whispered, making it very difficult for the unicorn to catch any of it. “...mynameisFluttershy...” she hushed in a bunch, leaving the squire to decipher it.

“Sorry, I couldn't hear you. Mind speaking a little louder?” she took the tiniest step closer, but only succeeded in making her retreat even more. It seemed like a true stalemate had formed between them. They needed in ice-breaker, immediately. By the grace of Celestia, her prayers were quickly answered as Sir Spike emerged from the bushes, looking very proud of himself and the thick bear pelt hanging from his shoulder.

“...I...IS THAT A DRAGON?!” she cried out loudly.

“Sir Spike de Draco, Draic Knight of Canterlot, Sworn Sword of Celestia, at your service.” the knight bowed respectfully before the delicate pegasus, apparently having missed out on her bird-motivating show after all.

“Oh, and he can talk, too!” she hopped over to the dragon, not in the least bit intimidated by him. Twilight wasn't sure whether to take that as a compliment, or an insult. “I didn't know dragons could talk! I'm Fluttershy, it's such an honor to meet someone like you!” she inched closer to him, her eyes beginning to glint the same way they had, just before she ensnared the bird.

As a self-sacrificing noble squire, Twilight jumped between the two, breaking eye-contact between them and instantly reverting Fluttershy into the closed little flower she had been moments ago.

“I'm really sorry, but we need to keep going. There's still a lot of things we have to do in town.” she said, trying to usher her liege away from the manipulative pony. There was no way she'd let Spike fall to the same catatonic spell.

“...alright...” she ventured timidly, a far cry from her enthusiasm mere moments ago.

“Splendid! Come along now, sir, we really can't spend any more time slacking-”

“Is everything alright, miss?” Spike asked in a slightly concerned tone, seeing how disheartened the yellow pony had become all of a sudden.

It's a trap!

The unicorn flinched as she realized where this was going and tried to intervene, with no luck. The cunning pegasus had already gained the drake's attention and it was only a matter of moments, before she'd utter the words that would no doubt seal their fate.

“I just always wondered what dragons were like.” she sighed, her voice only getting stronger when she looked at the knight. Twilight had begun to wonder whether this rang true for the rest of Ponyville's residents as well, only to freeze in horror as Spike spoke those few words she wished she never had to hear again in her entire life.

“I have some stories, if you're interested!”

The squire groaned, almost collapsing to the ground in defeat. Even if she managed to get him moving now, the way the town library -their new home- would feel like a walk through an endless desert, with weights on her back and a floating bucket of water taunting her along the way, always out of reach and always splashing a bit of itself before her feet, reveling in the sweetness of her misery.

In other words, less than enjoyable.

Comments

[Zay-el]

38270

Thank you! I've gotta several suggestions as to whom fused together to form Sir Spike, but yours is definitely one of the best of them! XD I'm glad you liked it so much and relax my brother, there are still many stories left in the Tomes of Awesome! :D

38332

Thanks a lot!! I'm happy you like it so far, I can only hope you'll like the rest of it as well! :)

38359
Haha, good old Bruce was definitely a huge inspiration, I'll give you that! Friendships is a force to be reckoned with, but it's even more powerful, when backed up by enough MAN and DRAGON to repopulate a solar system, if necessary. ;)

Also, I see what you did there! Perhaps Spike also draws his power from the Destrucity...hmm...I haven't given enough thought to that yet...
Thank you!!

39875

[LewisClarke]

I am intensely jealous of how awesome this story is, but Five out of Five, You deserve it.

This story...

IS AWESOME.

[CluelessDetective]

This is really funny. I love this take on the pilot to where Spike is the hero and Twilight is the scribe. Even if Twilight is my favorite pony, Spike in this story is the most enjoyable Spike!
Also Spike V.S. Opal = MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!!!

[Zay-el]

39952
Thank you! :D
40077
Yay! I'm glad you think so!
40842
I intend to! The adventures of Sir Spike had hardly even begun. Many legendary tales await to be gazed upon by those who aspire to draw upon the manly-dragonly knowledge this fair crusader possesses :D
41592
Thank you! I had a slight difficulty thinking up a scenario for Rarity, when the OPALKOMBAT came to mind. Glad to see it worked out well XD