Pokemon Sombra Version: The Emerald Nuzlocke

by Thanatoaster

Chapter 1: "What the buck is a Pokemon?"

Littleroot Town: "A town that can't be shaded any hue."

The town of Littleroot was a quiet place, as small a town as any you could find in the region, nestled in the calm and tranquil woods around it. It was an easygoing town, full of easygoing people. Beyond the tranquil folk that had decided to make their homes away from the hustle and bustle of big-city life, there was usually little of note in this serene little village. The sun shone brightly over Littleroot Town that morning, illuminating the carefree locals as they went about their business.

That was not all the light of the morning touched, however. The rays of the sun shone also on an out-of-the-way house in this out-of-the-way town, peeking through the curtains of the house's only bedroom, and striking the closed eyes of the bedroom's only occupant.

It was a strange individual that the light had found that morning. But, his strangeness was not because he was the house's only occupant. Nor was it because he was lying on the floor. No, this individual was strange because, before the light had touched him that morning, he did not exist in this world.

Had the sunlight been capable of thought, it would have pondered this strange new person. Perhaps it would have wondered from where this young man had come from, or maybe it would have been curious as to why he seemed so dour, even while sleeping. If sunlight were capable of making observations, it would have been aware that the strange youth appeared to be around sixteen years of age, with dark hair and pale, almost grayish skin. It would have noted that his clothing, though it was obviously meant for travel, was perfectly clean, despite the youth having never been anywhere in the region before this morning.

But the light's musings (had it been capable of musing) were cut short by the slow opening of the youth's curiously red eyes. The being groaned as he blinked away the effects of an incredibly potent slumber, and he shifted around on the rug beneath him as if to find a more comfortable position. He stopped suddenly as if something were horribly wrong about his situation, then brought his hands up to feel his face. He lowered his hands again and observed them passively for a moment.

As it has already been stated, sunlight is not capable of thought, observation or musing in the same way that a person is. It is not an individual, and cannot bear witness to any event.

As such, when the reality of his situation had finally processed in his mind, there was nobody around to see Sombra, former unicorn and dethroned King of the Crystal Empire, scream at the top of his new lungs:

"FAUST'S FEATHERS, WHAT FRESH TORMENT IS THIS?!"

---

An hour later, Sombra had finally taught himself to stand on two legs, and marked his achievement by sitting on the nearby bed and glowering at everything.

"...'return to power', my missing hooves," Sombra groused. "I should have known better than to trust Discord, that crazed lunatic. Even my own magic fails me in this useless form."

Sombra's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of white noise from the room's television set. "Performance issues, Sombra?" Discord taunted. "It's not uncommon, from what I hear."

"Discord!" Sombra seethed, standing unsteadily. "What is the meaning of this?"

"Asking the Spirit of Chaos for meaning, are we? Now who's crazy?" Discord's smiling image appeared on the screen. "Look Ma, your baby's on TV! Oh, she'll be so proud."

"We had a deal, Discord!" Sombra growled as lowly as his new voice would allow. "How am I to regain my strength and return to Equus as... as this creature?"

"I'm so glad you asked, old 'friend'," Discord grinned. "See that doorway to your right? If you can keep the wobble out of your knees long enough to get down the stairs, I'll give you your answer." With that, the TV was silent once more.

"Hmph. Pompous foal. As though the mere act of walking were a challenge to a Dark Lord," Sombra said aloud, before striding forward with confidence and purpose.

He also kept one hand firmly on a nearby wall. It was purely to test the craftsponyship of this new world's buildings, and not at all because of how difficult it was to walk on only two legs.

"Pah. He calls these 'stairs'?" Sombra sneered at the top of the wooden staircase. "This paltry collection of steps could never prove a challenge for the great King Som--" *trip* "--buck-!"

As gravity took hold of the former unicorn, Sombra was (for the first time in his life) grateful for such a short staircase.

With a comedic series of crashes and thumps, Sombra tumbled down to the ground floor of the house, landing on his neck at an uncomfortable angle. As the sound of Discord's mocking laughter drifted across the room from yet another television set, Sombra took a moment to move the trickster's name to the top of his mental list of Enemies to be Killed Immediately.

"The only thing that could have made that moment better is if I had planned it," Discord opined.

Sombra said nothing and readjusted his neck, mentally circling Discord's name a few times in red ink.

"Now, if you can hold off on the pratfall comedy for a moment and come here, there's something you'll want to see."

Sombra picked himself up and shuffled over to the television, where Discord's smirking image waited. "Well?" he demanded. "I'm here. What are you waiting for?"

Discord vanished as the TV screen burst to life, showing a field on which two strange creatures were locked in combat, underscored by fast-paced trumpet music.

On one side stood a ferocious looking wolf-like creature with shaggy black fur. Behind it, a young woman glared determinedly at the man on the other side of the field.

This man stood tall with his arms crossed, not the least bit perturbed by the woman or her beast. The creature before him, an enormous ape-thing with the snout of a pig, matched his expression by lounging as if there weren't a bloodthirsty predator mere yards away.

The woman said something to her beast and pointed, and the animal bounded toward its opponent with a hunter's grace.

The ape creature swatted lazily at its attacker, but the hound juked to the side at the last moment and buried its fangs in the ape's hairy arm.

Instead of flinching in pain, or even trying to shake its attacker off, the ape just turned its head slightly until it could see the man out of the corner of its eye.

The man's reaction was calmly subtle. With a nod and a faint smirk, the man said one word to his creature.

The ape nodded, and suddenly it was standing upright, the surprised hound trapped in a bear hug. The ape twisted and fell face first, landing so that all of its considerable weight was applied to the smaller creature.

The resulting snaps, cracks, and pained whimpers could be easily heard, even over the blare of the trumpets.

The camera cut away to statistics and instant replays that Sombra could make no sense of as an announcer spoke. "And there you have it, folks. Another victory for the Leader of the Petalburg Gym. Honestly folks, all I can say about this match is... Either that Mightyena was a desperation play on the part of the challenger, or someone didn't do nearly enough homework before challenging Norman. Either way, that was one sorry match-up here, today. Now let's see if we can't get a few words from Hoenn's very own Normal-type expert--"

The announcer was silenced and the on-screen images replaced with Discord's expectant look.

"As mildly entertaining as that was, trickster, I fail to see how that answers anything," Sombra sniffed.

"Well then allow me to explain, my minuscule-minded associate," Discord replied glibly as the camera zoomed out. Or, perhaps, the camera remained still and the Spirit of Chaos simply chose to be farther away.

With a snap, Discord's lab coat reappeared. "The world you now live in is widely inhabited by creatures known as 'pokemon'." Stilled images of the ape and the hound popped up beside him. "In case you can't put two and two together, I'm referring to the colorful creatures with more naturally formidable forms than the weak pile of human gelatin you're currently stuck with.

"Humans and pokemon live beside each other in this world, and, despite the impossible odds against their continued survival as a species, humans have managed to tame not only their environment, but the pokemon in them. In fact, over time, humans have used pokemon for just about any thing you can think of. Even the nasty things. Especially the nasty things."

"And let me guess," Sombra derided, "forced combat is at the top of that list?"

"Got it in one, Sombrero," Discord replied. "Though, that's not all they're used for. And it's rarely 'forced', per se. Pokemon seem to have a unique tendency towards competitive violence."

"Hnn. So either this is a world where organized dogfights have been legalized, or a world built upon the concepts of gladiatorial combat," Sombra declared without a hint of malice. He himself had been a proponent of the Crystal Empire's combat tournaments in his day.

"That is how some of the humans see it," Discord agreed. "Unfortunately, most of them think it's all about bonds and, ugh, friendship."

The two villains shuddered in disgust at the thought of any sort of positive emotion.

"Nnn. That at least explains where and what I am now," Sombra stated, "but you have yet to reveal how this will restore my power."

"As a matter of fact, I was just getting to that," Discord answered. "Head back up to the room you woke up in, and I shall explain more."

---

The trip back up the stairs was much easier than the trip down, and Sombra found himself standing in front of the TV once again.

"Well, somepony took their sweet time," Discord grinned.

Instead of responding, Sombra frowned in thought. Despite the thousand-year time variation between the Crystal Empire and modern Equestria, Sombra was easily able to determine that both the box-like devices with the glass screens Discord had been appearing on were built for the same purpose.

"You could have easily relayed all the information I needed without having me leave this room, trickster," Sombra scowled.

"I could have, it's true. But I wanted to give you some practice with your new legs," Discord smiled. "And from the looks of things, you sorely needed it."

At that point, Sombra removed Discord's name from the top of his list of Enemies to be Killed Immediately, and placed it on an entirely separate pre-list that superseded the original.

"Enough, trickster!" Sombra warned. "Either give me my answers or begone!"

"Temper, temper, Your Highness," Discord replied, using the title to placate the former King. "Now, you want to know how to return to Equus?"

"Obviously," Sombra answered through clenched teeth.

"Well, then all you need to do, my little ex-pony, is use your gifts as a natural born leader."

"...Are you even capable of speaking in anything other than riddles, trickster?" Sombra said after a short pause.

"I can switch to bawdy limericks, if you'd prefer," Discord answered with mocking concern.

Sombra brought a hand to his face and growled. "Just... just tell me what I need to do, damn you."

"First off, look at the map there, on the wall."

Sombra inspected the map, unsurprised that not even one of the landmasses was even the slightest bit familiar. "Hoenn..." he murmured, testing how the name of the strange new land sounded. "Hnn. Sounds completely inane. And what am I to be doing in 'Hoenn', trickster?"

"Why, training pokemon, of course," Discord said merrily. "Or would you rather enjoy one of the region's many cruise lines, instead?"

Sombra considered it, but only for a moment. No, there would be time enough for cruises when Equus was in his grasp. "So, I am to raise an army of creatures to do my bidding, then find a way back into our world?"

It was a daunting task indeed, Sombra mused, but it would of course be no challenge to a king such as he.

"You've grasped the most basic of concepts, oh very good!" Discord laughed.

Sombra spent a brief moment happily imagining how each of these "pokemon" might inflict pain on the annoying Spirit of Chaos. "I do believe I've decided on a method to determine the worth of each of my future slaves," he said to himself.

"I'd cut back on the 'slave' talk if I were in your shoes, Your Highness," Discord warned lightly. "You might end up angering the local Poke-Gods."

Sombra fixed the television with a flat look. " 'Poke-Gods'? Really, Discord? ...I'm not even going to dignify that with a response."

"Meh. Your funeral. Now, if you would, please turn your attention to the desk on your left."

Sombra moved over to the desk, which held an empty writing journal, a messenger's bag, a small blue case, and an oddly-shaped plastic box with a glass screen.

"Everything you'll need is right there on that desk," Discord stated.

"Hnn. How convenient," Sombra replied with a hint of suspicion. "Am I to assume this hovel was simply abandoned before I was brought here?"

"That's a funny story, actually. You see, the person that used to live here--"

"Will this story aid me in reconquering my Empire?" Sombra interrupted.

"Not likely."

"Then I am physically incapable of caring less about it than I currently do," Sombra stated, rifling through the bag's pouches and finding a great deal of nothing.

"That's what I like most about you, Sombrero, old boy," Discord chatted merrily. "Your concern for the little people."

"Hnn," Sombra replied with all his kingly demeanor. "What's this?" he asked holding up the case.

"That is where you would store your Gym Badges," Discord replied. "Well. If you had any Gym Badges. At the moment though, it's just a glorified wallet and a place to keep your ID card. That's the little plastic rectangle with the picture of the dim-witted child on it. Don't lose it, because you won't be getting another. Now, if you would turn your attention to the little glass screen that doesn't have a devilishly handsome Draconequus on it, I'll teach you how to use a device the kids call a 'computer'."

>Sombra booted up the PC.

>Accessed Item Storage

>Withdrew Item(s):

(Potion x1)

"A potion?" Sombra mused as he examined the spray bottle that had materialized in a port on the side of the PC. "What are its effects?"

"In this world, potions and the like are used to heal injured pokemon," Discord replied. "They also have a delightful berry taste."

Sombra sprayed some of the potion on his tongue, gagged, and immediately flung the item across the room.

"...Of course, a human's taste buds are arranged differently from a pokemon's..."

"I BET THEY ARE, YOU LYING SACK OF FESTERING HORSEAPPLES!" Sombra roared.

"Now that is entirely uncalled for, Sombrero--"

Despite his unfamiliarity with his new form, Sombra had little trouble picking up the nearest solid object and hurling it through the television screen with a satisfying crash.

In response, Discord's image migrated to the PC screen with a look of indignation. "Well, if you're going to get violent, then I'll just head home, Your Highness--"

"Then hurry up and get out of my sight, you petrified pigeon-toilet!" Sombra seethed.

"Humph! Good day to you, sir! And good luck getting around without my guidance." Then Discord disappeared, and Sombra was alone, huffing in rage.

The former King took a moment to collect himself and calm down. He retrieved the fallen potion and dropped it in the bag, along with his Trainer Case and, after a moment of consideration, the Journal.

"Hnnh," Sombra groused. "As if I would need that foal to hold my hoof and lead me along. The mighty King Sombra requires the aid of nopony."

Sombra made his way (very carefully) down the steps of the abandoned house, then headed towards the closest thing that looked like an exit.

As the light of mid-day shone down on him, Sombra shielded his eyes with a hand and scowled at the native peasants, all of whom were none the wiser to what had occurred in the old, out-of-the-way house.

Sombra walked forward onto what passed for a road in Littleroot Town, then stopped to examine his environment. After carefully scanning the area and taking in every detail, Sombra nodded with a level of confidence and purpose that only a King such as he could muster.

"...Where the buck do I go now?" he muttered to himself.

Comments

[Superblox]

Wow. Beautiful. The ending is just so hilarious!

[Thanatoaster]

6812826
I'm trying to put as much comedy into this story as I can to balance out the fact that it could very easily turn into a tragedy at any moment.

[alarajrogers]

Okay, 99% of all "Discord transports someone to another universe for entertainment" stories are really, really lame, so my sincere congratulations to you that you pulled it off and fell in the 1%. This is actually very funny so far, and no part of it seems out of character for either Discord or Sombra. Plus, Discord's antics actually have a point besides entertaining him -- he wants Sombra to cause chaos so he can break free. It's rare that stories like this give Discord a motive beyond lulz, so I was pleased to see that.

[Thanatoaster]

6813311
Wh-- I did? Awesome! Thanks!

... And now I'm terrified I'm going to fk it up.