Ponyville the Town of Youth

by Ironskull

Day 12: Admiral Rumble

'Surprise!"

"Argh!" screamed Rumble as he awoke with a start. The cloud he had been sleeping on had somehow been moved near the floor. He looked around in confusion at the faces of his fellow ponies crowding around him.

And then he caught sight of the mountain of a birthday cake that was sitting on a table next to Pinkie Pie.

"Germane chocolate?" he cried out in astonishment. "How did you know?"

"I just had a hunch," answered Pinkie. "So, were you surprised?"

"Of course you surprised me, I was asleep!"

"We don't really have many presents for you," said Pinkie, "since you can just go take whatever you want, but we did agree to do whatever you want to do today, and we also made this for you."

Pinkie held out a wrapped present to Rumble. It wasn't very big.

Rumble raised his eyebrows at Pinkie. "It's not another prank, is it?" he asked carefully.

"Of course not!" cried Pinkie. "We agreed yesterday to stop! This is a for real present, from all of us, to you!"

Rumble took the gift from her hooves. He shook it a couple of times, but this produced no sound.

He shrugged and tore into the packaging with his teeth. Underneath was a small box, which he also opened.

Inside was a picture in a frame. Every dragon, filly, and colt in town except for himself was huddled together in the photo, smiling at him, although some were definitely more enthusiastic than others. Pinkie was naturally overdoing it the most. Someone with good writing skills had written 'Happy Birthday Rumble' on the photo.

Rumble noticed another pony in the photo had put on an extra large smile. Dinky.

He looked up at the real Dinky and raised an eyebrow at her, but she just continued to smile back.

"Thank you, everypony," he said sincerely to the group around him.

"You're welcome, Rumble!" cried Pinkie. "So, since we all promised to do whatever you want today, what do you feel like doing now?"

"Umm..." Rumble began, but hesitated. Why did you have to put me on the spot? he complained mentally. Nothing came to mind. "I don't know?" he said hesitantly.

"There must be something you can think of," said Pinkie encouragingly.

"Ahem!"

Everypony turned toward the speaker in bewilderment.

"The gift giving is not over just yet," said Discord. He approached the foals, a large cube shaped present in hand. The wrapping paper looked as though an artist had given up on trying to paint and simply slapped their pallet against the canvas and spun it in wild circles.

"What is that?" asked Rumble warily.

"Open it and find out!" said Discord, setting it in front of Rumble.

Rumble didn't move.

"Come now, it won't bite. Open it up!"

Rumble slowly moved for the present.

"Wait!" cried Twilight. Suddenly she found all eyes on her.

"If you are supposed to be an impartial observer in this town, then why are you giving us gifts? Anything that you give us is something that we would not otherwise have!"

"It's not something that will effect things all that much," protested Discord. "I just wanted to give Rumble a neat present!"

Discord turned back to Rumble. "Show her. Open it up!"

Rumble resumed opening the present, one eye narrowed in suspicion.

He opened up the lid and peered inside.

"Huh?"

Rumble looked back at Discord. "Really?"

"Of course!" said Discord. "Take it out and show everypony!"

Rumble did so. Everypony stared at the object in his hands.

"What kind of birthday party would this be," said Discord, "without a really cool hat?"

"It's a top hat," said Rumble confused.

"Wait until you see what it does," said Discord. "Put it on."

Rumble did so, half expecting it to explode.

Nothing appeared to happen.

"Did anything happen?" he asked aloud.

"No," said Dinky. "But it does look nice on you..."

Rumble blushed.

"Nothing happened just yet," said Discord, "but check this out!"

Discord put a paw on the hat and gave it a twist.

"Whoa!" cried Scootaloo.

"What happened?" demanded Rumble, fearing what the answer might be.

"Now that's cool!" said Rainbow Dash.

"I have a hoof mirror over here," said Diamond Tiara, who was in front of a shelf. A moment later, she came back, mirror in hoof. She held it up so that Rumble could see.

"Huh?" cried Rumble, confused. "That's not the way it was before!"

"That's right!" said Discord, apparently pleased. "If you give it a ninety degree twist, your top hat transforms into a fedora!

"Now, if we twist it around again, so that the hat is backwards..." continued Discord, placing his paw on the hat again and giving it another twist.

"Whoa," said Rumble in surprise. The former fedora suddenly fell over his eyes and there was a small 'thud' sound.

"It transforms into a cooking pot!" finished Discord.

"Um..." said Rumble, wishing he could see the looks everypony must surely be giving him now. "Okay?"

"And last of all," said Discord, grabbing the pot and giving it another twist.

The metal rim of the pot receded upward and became soft again, much to Rumble's relief.

"Tah dah!"

"What is it?" asked Rumble, looking at the smirking Diamond Tiara. She lifted up the mirror again.

"It transforms into an admiralty hat, just like the one you see Neighpolean wearing in all of those pictures!" said Discord.

Rumble looked at Discord for a moment, unsure what to say.

"This is the part where you say 'thank you'," said Applejack.

"Um, right," said Rumble. "Thank you, Discord."

"It's my pleasure," answered Discord. "I'm afraid I can't stay, however. I'll just be grabbing some of this cake here, and then I'll be going."

A large triangle of cake detached itself from the birthday cake and floated up to Discord, who caught it in his claw.

"Discord!" cried Pinkie. "That wasn't very polite! Rumble was supposed to have the first piece!"

Discord hesitated, and then held the piece of cake out to Rumble. "You want?"

"No, you can take it," answered Rumble.

"You see?" said Discord to Pinkie, taking a bite out of the cake.

"Well, you should have at least asked before taking!"

"I'm working on it," said Discord with a mouth full of cake. "Goodbye everypony!"

Discord snapped his fingers and vanished.

"Well, that was interestin' " remarked Apple Bloom.

"Indeed," said Twilight, her eyes not leaving Rumble's new hat.

"An admiral's hat, huh?" said Rumble, looking up at the hat. "That gives me an idea. I know what I want to do today!"

---

"Welcome aboard, admiral!" said Scootaloo. "The crew is awaiting your orders!"

"All hooves on deck!" cried Rumble. "Prepare to set sail for treasure and adventure! Let's get this-"

Rumble hesitated.

"Hey, Twilight!"

"Yes, admiral?"

"What kind of ship would you say this is?"

"Well," said Twilight, looking over the 'ship', which was actually just four tables pushed together with sofas lining the sides in all directions, plus one mop handle sticking out of the middle with a large white sheet stretched across it. "Considering how narrow and long we are, and since we only have one deck, I would classify this as a sloop."

"Alright then," said Rumble. "Let's get this sloop out to sea!"

"You're supposed to say "Aye aye, admiral!" said Diamond Tiara to the others in annoyance.

"Aye aye, admiral!"

Diamond smirked. That's better.

"Set sail due east!" cried Rumble.

"Aye aye!"

"Pardon me, admiral?" said Twilight.

"Yes, sailor?"

"If we sail straight east, we will be sailing into the eye of the wind," said Twilight.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that we will be sailing in the opposite direction that the wind is blowing, and it will be almost impossible to move," answered Twilight. "As a sloop, the most efficient use of the wind is to sail either broad reach or broad beam reach."

Rumble sighed. "And what do those mean?"

"Broad reach is forty-five degrees from running before the wind, which is to say, sailing in the same direction of the wind, and broad beam reach is is halfway between broad reach and beam reach. Beam reach is when we are sailing at a ninety degree angle to the direction of the wind."

Nopony spoke.

"Right..." said Rumble. "So, which way should we go then?"

"We can go almost any direction you like," said Twilight, "except straight east. Assuming that the wind is blowing to the west. It does on an average day, after all. The most effective use of the wind would be to sail either north-west or south-west."

"Okay, then," said Rumble. "Let's go south-west!"

"Excuse me, admiral?" said Twilight.

"Yes?"

"May I examine your hat?"

"Why?" asked Rumble, confused.

"I want to examine the magic that Discord put in it."

"Well, okay," said Rumble. He took it the hat off and hoofed it over to Twilight.

Twilight stopped paying attention to the game and carefully walked to the end of the row of sofas, being careful not to step on anypony. Once she arrived at her destination, she sat down and probed the hat in search of magical energy.

Much to her surprise, the hat showed no signs of magic whatsoever.

That can't be right! she thought to herself. She levitated the hat onto her head and gave it a twist.

It instantly changed from being an admiralty hat back into a top hat.

There was definitely SOMETHING there, but I've never seen anything like this before!

"Hey, Twilight!" cried Sweetie Belle.

"Hmm?" said Twilight, looking up.

"The admiral wants to know what the left side of the ship is called!"

"Port side," answered Twilight automatically. "The right side is called the starboard side."

"Thanks!"

"Don't mention it."

Twilight returned her attention to the puzzling headwear.

BOOM

Twilight jumped in fright.

"What was that?" she cried.

"The admiral said to fire the cannon at the pirates on the port side!" said Pinkie, holding an enormous party cannon.

Twilight looked over the side of the sofas. There was confetti all over the floor.

Twilight shook her head. She carefully stood up and walked back to the front of the ship.

"Here's your hat back," she said to Rumble. "I want to go ask Discord about how he made that thing. So, I guess I'll be jumping ship."

"But what if I don't know the right words for something?" asked Rumble.

"I could grab a book about sailing from the library, if you like."

"Okay," answered Rumble, satisfied. "That would be pretty cool, actually! Thanks!"

---

"Chaos magic?" said Twilight to Discord in suprise. "I've never heard of such a thing!"

"Of course you haven't," said Discord. "In much the same way that earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns have their own unique magics, chaos magic is a unique form of magic possessed only by draconequii, such as myself. And I am the only known draconequis, so I suppose you could say that it is a form of magic unique to me."

"But there must be some way I can study it!" insisted Twilight. "I don't suppose you would be willing to undergo some tests?"

"Won't do you much good," responded Discord. "You already tried that once. I wouldn't have even agreed to it the first time if I hadn't been bored, and I must admit that your 'tests' were not a much better use of my time. The only thing that you were able to determine by the end was that my magic doesn't like to be understood."

"But this is a new magic that I have never encountered before!" insisted Twilight. "There must be something I can do to help myself to understand. If testing you won't work, maybe you have an idea that would work better?"

Discord smiled. "As a matter of fact, I do. I can't give you my magic directly, but there are more ways to utilize magic than channeling it. You are familiar with potions?"

"Yes, potions harness the magical properties of things from nature to give desired effects. Are you saying that there are natural ingredients that have chaotic properties?"

"Bingo!" said Discord. He snapped his fingers and a potted plant appeared in his palm. "This little beauty is one of my favorites. Poison joke."

"Poison joke..." said Twilight to herself. "I could swear I heard somepony say those two together recently... It sounds dangerous."

"Depending on how you define 'dangerous', it is. I suggest that you don't touch," said Discord sternly. "Although the effects vary from pony to pony, you have already come into contact with this plant in the past. Which is to say, your future. It will make your horn wither and become unusable."

Twilight paled. "That's why I heard somepony talk about it!" she cried. "Apple Bloom said that at first she thought her sister had touched poison joke, and she had to explain to me what she was talking about! But what am I supposed to do with it? Can I lift it with my magic?"

"It will not affect you if it does not touch you physically," assured Discord. "So, yes. You can lift it in your magic. And, as for what you do with it, that is up to you. Just remember that you will be responsible with what happens."

"I'm not going to use it on the other colts and fillies," said Twilight accusingly.

"You don't have to. Ponies aren't the only ones affected by poison joke."

"I'm not going to ask Spike to touch it either!" shot Twilight.

"That is not what I was getting at," said Discord. "You see, this plant will make a joke out of almost anything. It can actually affect almost anything, living or not."

"Really?" said Twilight, intrigued. Suddenly, she narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "It's not contagious, is it? If I were to, say, use it on an inanimate object, would it spread to anypony who then touches that object?"

"Nope!" answered Discord. "All traces of the poison joke vanish within minutes. However, it does take a few hours for the effects to become pronounced."

"Hmm," said Twilight. "This might work then, actually."

Twilight hesitated again.

"Did this plant come from Ponyville? Apple Bloom says it grows in the Everfree Forest."

"There's a little bit that grows on the outskirts of the forest," answered Discord. "You could go and find some without being stopped by the invisible wall. I'm not giving you outside assistance."

Twilight didn't believe that, but she was too intrigued to care for the moment. "If you say so." She magically lifted the plant off of Discord's desk, making extra sure to keep it far from her coat. "I guess I should get going then. Lots of ideas to try, you know how it is."

"Of course," answered Discord. "I look forward to seeing how it goes."

---

Once Twilight was outside, she stopped to think.

I suppose I should go to the library before going back, she thought. I did promise to grab a sailing book for Rumble.

Actually, the library would be the perfect place for an experiment. I wouldn't want to risk destroying everypony else's stuff, after all. It would be irresponsible of me to use it on anything other than my own property.

Comments

[Ironskull]

Forget about catching up on chapters for today. I want to leave this one in suspense.

[AyanamiRei]

You know I'm now rather curious to know if Poison Joke CAN affect inanimate objects!!

[Ironskull]

7131806 I hope it can, the next chapter would be way less funny if it didn't work.
We'll probably never have an official answer to that though.