The Trials Of the Elements

by Kirbysnumber1

1. The Beginning of the Trials

It was just as normal a day as ever in Ponyville, Twilight had finished her weekly book sorting of the library and was now about to write a letter to tell her about what she learned about friendship.

"Spike take a note." Twilight said. But as Spike took out a scroll and quill he felt the usual feeling of a letter coming.

Spike burped out the letter "Actually Twilight it seems Princess Celestia sent you a letter." Spike said holding the letter in his claw toward Twilight.

“I was just about to send a letter to her, I wonder what she want’s?” Twilight asked, taking the letter from spike with her magic.

“Dear Twilight Sparkle I am sending you this letter to request the presence of you and your friends as I need to speak to you about something urgent” Twilight read out loud.

“The Princess want’s to speak with me and my friends, I wonder what about?” Twilight said as she ran around to grab everything she needed which included different types of books, quills, and ink jars.

“Uummm Twilight, I don’t think you’re going to need to bring many things besides your friends.” Spike said rolling his eyes.

Twilight looked at Spike for a moment before smiling sheepishly, “Oh yeah..heh heh.”

When Twilight and her friends got to the castle they were greeted by the guards and went straight to the throne room to meet Celestia.

“Hello Twilight it’s good to see you and your friends again, and I would love to catch up about your findings in the meaning of friendship but I think we should cut right to the chase if that’s alright with you” Celestia asked as soon as Twilight and her friends got comfortable.

“ummm...alright I guess that’s okay if it's that important” Twilight said wondering what could be more important then her findings on the magic of friendship.

Celestia looked around to make sure the girls were listening, satisfied she started to speak “Twilight I have called you and your friends here for a very important reason, it seems that we have discovered an entirely new dimension.”

Twilight and her friends were just staring at the princess trying to process what they had just heard, after a while Rainbow finally spoke up "WHAT!?" she screamed

Twilight couldn't speak upon hearing the unbelievable news, when she was finally able to think of something to say "What is this new universe?" she asked

"I'm glad you asked Twilight." Celestia said looking at her student "This world seems to inhabit a different species entirely from Equestria, and we would like to learn about them."

"Ooh maybe they're weird monster's with tentacles or something or maybe they have six eyes and fourteen wings but they don't use them to fly which only makes them weirder and-" Applejack covered Pinkie's mouth with her hoof before she could continue with her crazy theories.

"Ah think we should let th' Princess tell us what th' creature's are like" Applejack said as Pinkie was trying to speak through her hoof.

"Thank you Applejack" Celestia smiled at the orange mare "Now this world seems to be inhabited by creature's known as human's"

"Hu...man's?" Twilight said curiously, obviously intrigued at this new discovery "How much do we know about them?"

"Not much, but we do know that they are completely different from us ponies in many ways" Celestia said to the six mares.

"In what ways?" Twilight asked.

"Well first of all they don't seem to have hooves, instead they have weird things on the end of their arms which from what I could gather are called hands." Celestia did her best to explain but was not helping the girls confusion at all.

"Hands? What are hands?" Twilight asked perplexed.

"They seem to be like griffon claws, except they're not sharp." Celestia explained.

This example helped the girls understand it a lot more "Oooooooh I get it now so they can pick up things with and without their magic that's super helpful!" Pinkie started another rant but before she could continue AppleJack had put her hoof over her mouth again.

Princess Celestia shook her head "No it doesn't seem they have magic."

This shocked everypony in the room "They don't have magic!?" Twilight was clearly the most shocked and intrigued by this fact.

"Yes it does seem like that, it seems like they get everything done with hard work and imagination." Celestia continued to explain.

"So yer sayin that they're just like us earth ponies?" Applejack said with a smile.

"Yes I guess so." Celestia responded thinking about this.

"Well now ah want to learn more about these humans." Applejack said rubbing her hoof against her chin.

"Yes I would like to learn more about them as well, is there any way we can Princess?" Twilight asked Celestia with a hopeful look on her face.

"Yes there is a way we can learn more about them." as Celestia said this Twilight had an ear to ear smile on her face "But we will need to bring them here to properly study and we can't bring many here." Celestia said in a serious tone.

"Why not?" Twilight said Puzzled after hearing this piece of information.

"Because I'm not sure how much they can be trusted, they seem to not be as nice as the citizens in Equestria, they seem to...fight a lot and argue about every little thing" Celestia said in what seemed to be a disappointed tone.

"So how are we going to know which humans to trust?" Twilight asked already thinking of ways to find a human to trust.

Celestia gave a smile to the purple unicorn "Oh I think I know a way."

Author's Note:

Well if your reading this than you must've read the first chapter so thanks for that.
I thought I should inform you on a few things since you read this far, sooo here goes.
1. For the sake of the story to not have too many questions Twilight's not gonna be an Alicorn yet so she does not know anything about the human world
2. This Story though I'm not planning it too be the longest story ever might take a while just because I have trouble coming up with ideas.
3. Even though I said it in the original description I thought I should say feel free to critique if I messed up anywhere and I'll fix it ASAP
4. This chapter was made in third person to describe how the Trials came to be, in the other chapters I'll try my best to write them in first person but if that doesn't work out I'll just keep writing in third person

Comments

[swiftwriter14]

this is good so far keep on writing surely you will improve your confidence best wishes

[Krickis]

I have no idea how but I somehow missed seeing this was a human in Equestria story, which is crazy because it's in both your short and long descriptions Totally my oversight there, I blame sleep deprivation. Anyway, even though that's not really my thing (not that it's a bad thing, you're free to write whatever you want of course) I figured since I read most of the chapter already by the time I realized I might as well finish and leave a comment, since you were asking for critiques

"Spike take a note" Twilight said

This is something people get wrong all the time, so no worries, but you need punctuation on sentences in a quote. The simple (albeit not 100% grammatically correct) thing to do is just use periods like any other sentece, so it would be "Spike take a note." Twilight said instead. This is easier to get the hang of and no one will complain if you do it this way. If you really want to be correct, you use a comma if you're following the quote with 'speaker said' so that sentence would be "Spike take a note," Twilight said

I wonder what she want’s?” Twilight said questioningly

When following a quote that has a question use 'asked' instead of 'said'
Separate point, but wants doesn't need the apostrophe.

Celestia said to the 6 mares

It's a bit weird to see numbers in the middle of text, in the future I'd recommend writing the number out as 'six' or whatever other numbers you're using.

"Ooh maybe they're weird monster's with tentacles or something or maybe they have 6 eyes and 14 wings but they don't use them to fly which only makes them weirder and-" AppleJack covered Pinkie's mouth with her hoof before she could continue with her crazy theories.
"Ah think we should let th' Princess tell us what th' creature's are like" AppleJack said as Pinkie was trying to speak through her hoof.

Good job on the characterization here

Celestia gave a smile to the purple unicorn "oh I think I know a way."

Start sentences in quotes with capitals, "Oh I think"

This chapter was made in second person to describe how the Trials came to be, in the other chapters I'll try my best to write them in first person.

Actually this is in third person. The only reason I bother to point this out is because a lot of people don't like first person stories (They can be done well, but they're really tricky). Generally I recommend writing in third person, but second person is also fairly popular for human in Equestria fics. Ultimately it's a matter of preference and it's entirely your call on what you want to do.
First person: Stories that are told by the main character. Example: As I walked into the room I flicked the light switch, but it didn't come on. "Huh, the power must be out," I said.
Second person: Stories where the reader is the main character. Only ever used in fanfiction. Example: After deducing the power was out you pulled out your cell phone and called the power company. "I'd like to know why my power is off."
Third person: Stories where every character is referred to by their name, she, him, title, whatever else, but not 'I' or 'you'. Example: John was irritated, as the receptionist put him on hold. "If I don't get in touch with some one soon my phone's gonna die and I won't be able to charge it," he said to no one in particular. "And I really have to stop talking to myself."

Applejack's name doesn't capitalize the j, but I can totes see why you'd think it does since most ponies names are two words.

In general just keep it up, I may not be into human in Equestria fics, but that's just my preference, lots of people are. I wish you the best of luck on your story

[Kirbysnumber1]

6690419 Thanks for all the help, I don't know how I messed those things up