A Crystalline Mission of Harmony: 1
I had woken up early, as if that is unheard of. Yet, this time I feel a warm glow of my mark, such as has seldom been seen. I have been called out on a few quests, both before the elements granted Twilight Sparkle the castle and thus proclaimed her full Princess hood, and by the map sprung forth in her throne room, afterwards.
Now I am once more called forth, on the new quest. Of course, Twilight sparkle, our Princess is apparently to follow me on the quest to not even Luna knows where, yet.
As I opened my eyes, I noticed that a hint of the light of Celestia’s sun was playing among the blue and yellow balloons in my ceiling, where I live in Ponyville in the house belonging to the Cakes’ for whom I work. Even sparser light is finding its way down to the pink balloons under my bed.
Once I came to, the few brave of the pink balloons hastily scurry back to the safety under my bed.
I carefully fold the pink quilt in towards the inner wall, and slide my legs towards the edge of the bed. Once my hooves slip out over the edge; the balloons had all reached safety, and I set hoof on the still cold floor.
Slipping the quilt back in place, thus leaving the bed in neat order, before trotting to the door, opening it carefully before I step out of the room and close the door equally carefully. Now I quietly bounce down the flight of stairs, only this time I forgo my breakfast due to the urgency of the calling.
Trotting to the outer door. Opening it, stepping out and closing it quietly in the still dark and quiet street. From here I bolt down the streets to the castle, where I soon found the Princess, Twilight Sparkle alert and fully awake.
“Greetings, Pinkie Pie!” Twilight Sparkle exploded in excitement on finally being summoned.
“Hiya, Twilight; I thought I was to see you here!” I responded.
“I knew you were summoned; but I still have no idea as to where we are going, or what the business may be!” Twilight Sparkle explained.
“We had better go to the map and see, then. It has to be on the map, doesn’t it?” I expressed curiously.
“Well, why not? Maybe the map had chosen to reveal more of the mystery behind this mission, now as you are beside me? Let us trot forth and see what we are to do!” she prompted, clearly worried about the lack of information.
“Sure, I am here so we can as well get going!” I responded, following her along the long, shiny and now very empty halls of her crystalline castle.
“Here we are. I certainly do hope it can point us closer to where we are going, and what we are supposed to be doing!” she pointed out as we march into the room where the thrones are located.
Strangely enough; the marks are encircling the castle, but shimmering strangely as they are pulsating, then starts to diminish. From there; they reappear in a new location in a very different world, once not too dissimilar to the place where Canterlot High is located. The Place where Twilight sparkle retriever her crown, and later befriended a former candidate of her crown; Sunset Shimmer. Only Sunset Shimmer chose to remain among the Humans of the world, where she later helped out in defeating the Sirens at the school.
On the other side of the map, the marks stop dead in their track, encircling a new building. Only this does look like a hotel. What in Celestia’s name are we supposed to do there?
With a strange sound, just like the one that had been heard as the table with the map on appeared; a mirror appears on the wall. The mirror clearly is a portal, just like the one that had been seen in the Crystal Empire at Cadence and Shining Armours’ Crystalline Royal castle.
“Apparently; it wants us to go to a new location, where we have never been before!” Twilight sparkle observed.
“We can as well go, no point in waiting for the answer. The Tree of Harmony never explained its ways before; it just demonstrates a purpose and something is shimmering, or appearing seemingly from out of nowhere!” I prompted as I trotted towards the gate, to where we were going.
I could see the now familiar shimmering of the mirror from the times we had been by the gate before. Only now; I am going to follow Twilight Sparkle to the other side, and neither Princesses Celestia and Luna, not the other friends of ours know where we are going, what is there, or even that we are going right now. Yet, the map had sent us and thus, off we went.
I had only seen the short glimpses of what is on the other side, and the flashes of clear knowledge of what had happened to Princess Twilight Sparkle the previous times, and she had not been there all that many times, either. Now I am going.
As I reappeared, emerged on the other side; I am a Human, just like she had been. Thankfully, she has her experience to draw on, and I never had a problem to stand on my hind legs before, even as the Pony I usually am.
“The Silly Pony hotel!” Twilight reads on the wall of a very large building.
“Why does that face look like me?” I inquired.
“We could as well go in and have a look! Maybe you could ask them of their logo, while we are at it?” Twilight Sparkle responded with a faint, but crystal clear giggle on her voice.
“Oh yeah, I guess we could as well go in; it is still cold and dark here. Maybe it is late, or early here right now?” I responded.
“Then it is settled, we go in, and have a look!” Twilight Sparkle expressed eagerly, maybe the shill was getting to her too.
“Oh, oh! Moving doors!” I exclaimed as the door slide to the right and left of the wall as I approach.
“This is a fancy hotel, not just one of these wayside motels you may find along the interstate roads!” she responded.
As I walk towards the lobby, wearing just the same suit as I was wearing at the Canterlot High; the girl behind the desk slips into attention. Of course; that was the Human me who is indigenous to the Human world Twilight had been visiting, not actually me. I never was there in the first place; more than that one hoof, that is.
“Greetings, Diana Pie; we have been expecting you. On that note, there is a double room booked in your name. it is already paid. Here, your key; if you just sign here, please!” the receptionist prompted, pointing a well manicured, long crystal clear nail at the line apparently intended for my signature.
“Greetings!” I responded, picked the pen and signed where she indicated.
She is wearing a bright pink suit; both the top and the skirt. I may not have seen the stockings or boots, but she is wearing them. She has a name tag on the pocket of her right side. I could see the logo with my face of it.
“Excuse me; but is this the Silly Pony Hotel?” Twilight inquired.
“Yes, it is indeed; and he finest hotel in the city!” she expressed curtly with a nod, then pointed at the elevator that was supposedly to take us to the room.
There is a number engraved on the key, indicating both the number of the room, and the floor on which it is located. I follow the indication to the elevator.
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Good premise but I find it hard to see what is going on. A little more detail in the settings.
The biggest issue here is that you said this was from Pinkie's point of view. I am afraid that this doesn't seem to suit anyone except maybe Twilight. That's even if you're going with Pinkie being a genius. Her words aren't Pinkie. It's a bit confusing and quite frankly not bubbly or random enough.
It's just flat.
Yet I still would like to read more...
6644130 Thanks, and I guess this chapter is a bit rushed on some parts. I was forced to write a new introduction in order to have it approved in the first place, that part was a complete success, you have seen it.
I could have added more details to this section, a few suggestions would go a long way towards that end.
It is Pinkie Pie's view, just because it is she who is introducing the story. On that note, we have sen her as serious; dead serious, aside from depressed and down, and a few other modes as well.
They have hammered in this part, alright. She has been bored, because they ignored her and left her out on so many missions, by now.
I like painting her as the genius, as well as the organised Pony. She may have been oblivious to some of her earlier problems in the past, but this isn't her all that much.
Are you referring to the Narrative, or her actually spoken lines here? I am not sure if her antics has to be in the Narration, just because she use all these childish, crazy and strange Pink expressions every now and then.
If anything is confusing at this point, I could take suggestions. Would you please be so kind to elaborate.
As to the more optimistic and bubbly part, that should be coming forwas from the next chapter. Inviting a few to throw a party, as it were.
i personally don't care how you write your characters but this right here is just improper use of dialog. talking about what your doing while your doing it is not natural and really kills any kind of flow you got going. dialog should be just like a natural conversation to work and until you have a better idea of how to write it i would recommend recording yourself reading your own dialog and listening to it. if it doesn't feel like it belongs in a C grade horror film then your golden, if it does then rewrite it and try again. i think it is the dialog that is your biggest problem at this point, if you can fix that then it will be a big step in the right direction.
6649067 Thanks for pointing out the issue, I have made a few changes to his section now.
Not sure if what it is what you had in mind, or what you were hoping for, but it should at least be considerably better than it was before. I will have to go over the section more later, too.
Granted, this section was rushed through as a more or less temporary vehicle to publish the story.