Just my kind of fic well done

As with all new writers, you need a proofreader. There are a small bunch of grammar errors, and some sentences could use some redoing to make it sound neater.
Still, a decent start nonetheless.

All you really need is to go over you sentences after you write them and have someone else proofread it as well. Other than that you doing a good job for a new story.
Also, another thing that one of my friend has told me is to keep on writing, because the more you write, the better you get.

6616005
Thanks for the advice!

Great start there bro... But watch out for unnecessarily long sentences, and maby a little less, erm, 'product placement'.
I shall proceed to read on...

As she opened the door, you saw that Apple Jack, Rarity, Flutter Shy, Rainbow Dash, and Sunset Shimmer were waiting for her. As soon has Pinkie closed the door you heard "How did it go?", "Did he say anything about it?" then the rest of the conversation you couldn't hear because the door had muffle their voices.

That’s when you know something is up.

Yeah okay, that totally doesn't sound suspicious at all! A bunch of girls asking you to come have a sleepover with them.

Now that doesn’t sound like a plot to a certain kind of video that may or may not be on found on a certain website. Nope. Not at all.
And i can already hear the infamous theme music from here…