In Need of a Smile

by Sweetheart_a_Light

Chapter 2: Encounter

Pinkie Pie stopped by the entrance of the local market. She looked around to find that the place was completely crowded. 'Geez, I wonder if everypony in town had the same idea of coming here today', she thought. It was almost impossible to walk around.

"Well, let me see..." the pink pony said, while searching for the list she prepared in her saddlebag. "I'm gonna need a lot of stuff! I just hope that there's still something left!"

She looked around to see if there was an empty vending stand. With much effort to look through the ponies walking in front of her, she found the carrot stand with no customers.

"Great! It's just what I need it!" she gleefully shouted. "Mrs. Cake said that she needed carrots urgently; she'll be so glad that I got that done for her!"

Pinkie began to run through the crowd, rushing forward to get to the stand as quickly as possible, hoping that she would be the first to get there.

But as soon as she got closer-

BAM!

She found herself in the top of a yellow-coated pegasus.

---

Fluttershy struggled to get through the huge crowd of ponies that crossed her path. She hated crowded places, and she hated stumbling across other ponies, so going through the market was like walking on a nightmare.

'Great. Just great.' she nervously thought. 'Of all the days I could forget to buy Angel's food, it just had to be today? How could I forget such thing? How?'

It took some time, but she finally managed to find a clear, empty spot to stand peacefully. She started to breathe in and out, hoping that her anxiety attack would pass quickly. After a few breaths, she took a shopping list out of her saddlebag, wondering what to buy next.

She sighed in relief. She already got the lettuce. All she needed was some grains and carrots.

She looked around, only to find the carrot stand completely empty.

"Thank Celestia!" she prayed. "I can't stand being around this mess anymore..."

Fluttershy began to run through the crowd, rushing forward to get to the stand as quickly as possible, hoping that she would be the first to get there.

But as soon as she got closer-

BAM!

She found herself underneath a pink-coated earth pony.

Comments

[TwiwnB]

completelly

completely

wornst

worst

underneat

underneath
I point a few of them out, but it's not really a problem for me... still, the repetition of the chapter's title seems to indicate you're using a program like word that could do a quick check for you.

Otherwise, it's great to see that you decided to use good writing tricks like the exploitation of the double storyline colliding. And you used it well. The use of repetition to create a mirror effect works very well.

[Krickis]

Off to a good start here

I can onlly echo TwiwnB here, the mirror effect is very cool

As far as grammar mistakes, I can notice quite a few, but really for not being a native speaker it's not bad at all. The main thing that sticks out to me is the title, In a Need of a Smile. It should be In Need of a Smile, without the first a. Unless you had some reason for wording it the way you did and I just haven't read far enough to see why yet

If you're interested in improving your grammar message me. I'm quite good at it.

[Skyshy]

"Great! It's just what I need it!" she gleefully shouted. "Mrs. Cake said that she needed carrots urgently; she'll be so glad that I got that done for her!"

Do I just have a dirty mind or was that meant to be a joke