Chapter 1: Lonely
It was a bright sunny day at Ponyville. The sun was shining as glorious as it could and the townsponies were happy. Well, not all of them.
Pinkie Pie was sitting back on the balcony of Sugarcube Corner, the expression of boredomness written in her face. She sighed, wishing that she could feel something that day. Sure, it was a slow day of business, but, c'mon now, she's the Element of Laughter for pony's sake! How could she feel so sad if everypony in town was happy? She loved happy ponies!
But she noticed something. The ponies were smiling because they had company. Pinkie Pie was completely alone. Mr. and Mrs. Cake were out of town delivering a special order, and they brought the twins with them since they wanted Pinkie to take care of the place while they were gone. She had nopony with her.
Pinkie waited a few hours before she decided to leave.She didn't want to at first, since she thought it would disappoint the sweet couple, but nopony, not one single breathing creature entered the bakery since Pinkie was put in charge. Not to mention that there was no way that they would find out she closed the place early, since nopony would even notice that the place was closed in the first place.
"Well, maybe I should go to the market," she said in a happy tone. "Nothing like fresh air! Also, I do need to buy some missing ingredients for the Cakes, anyway!"
She packed an ingredients list and some bits into her saddlebag and hopped to the town.
Fluttershy walked down to the first level of her cottage to greet her little - and big - animal friends. "Good morning, everyone!" she said, happily. She wasn't feeling very happy, though. As she trotted to the front door, she was greeted by lots of different critters, but it still wasn't enough.
Stepping outside, she noticed the ponies walking to town, happy as ever. She wondered, why? Well, sure, the day was wonderful, but she couldn't help but feel sad. She knew that her sadness came from the fact the she was feeling lonely. She had her animal friends, but, sometimes, she wanted to talk with a pony, a real pony, that would answer her questions and talk to her about her day, or either her favourite songs.
Although she knew that would be hard. She was a very shy and socially awkward pony, thanks to her anxiety disorder. She never had much courage to talk with somepony else.
Suddenly, Angel Bunny snapped her out of her thoughts, with a angry expression.
"Oh, Angel, dear, what do you want?" she asked her little bunny companion.
He violently squeaked various words that only she could understand. He did lots of gestures too, conveying his desires. He was hungry, and Fluttershy had forgotten to buy more food for him.
"Oh my goodness Angel!" she loudly squeaked in an attempt to scream. "I completely forgot! I'm so, so sorry! Is there anything else you want?"
He rapidly shook his head and started to pat his paw to the ground, while making a nervous expression that was very familiar to Fluttershy
"Alright, alright," she sighed "I'll go get your food. I'll be back in a minute, don't worry."
She packed a list of ingredients and some bits into her saddlebag and walked to the market.
I'm not an english speaker myself, so... take it for what it's worth.
Only one "s".
And:
And:
And:
I spotted them all with word (I'm not very good with english, so I cheat and I advise to do the same).
I think it would be better to say "She didn't wanted to at first, since...".
I'm not very good with english verbs conjugaison, but I'm pretty sure the way you conjugated "to forget" implies that Fluttershy forgot to buy more food because Angel did all those mimics and squeaking. "had forgotten" seems more appropriate.
About the same thing. As far as I can judge, it would be a bit more correct to say something like "nopony would have even noticed would the place have been closed in the first place". But it would be good to have confirmation from a true english speaker.
For the rest, it's a fine introduction. The stakes are clearly defined, the tone is normal and there is a slight contrast between the melancholy of the characters and the happiness of the rest of the world.
Let's read the rest... (can't judge a story on its introduction).