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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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6369507 What exactly is the problem? Please explain so We can fix the problem/
Ok, so I haven't even started reading and I see several problems and warning signs.
For the title of a book, refer to this:
Next, your summary:
How boring.
A displaced story. You could have at least tried to make it original. Perhaps a brick to the head?
Equestria is not capitalized there, and that there would be a good place to start a new sentence.
The Crystal Empire is a named place, and thus is a proper noun that needs to be capitalized.
Try "with aluminum and nickel fists."
Overall, your summary is poorly written, uninteresting, and unattractive. If you can't make your summary interesting and pretty, how can I expect any better from the story itself?
Then, there is the story itself. Only 4 of 9 chapters exceed 1,000 words long, and no chapter exceeds 2,000. Less than a thousand words per chapter is nowhere near long enough to tell a continuous story without everything being choppy and rushed. It might work for a drabble fic, but not for the story you are trying to tell.
All in all, I don't even want to read it, knowing exactly where this is going.
6369719 Harsh, But I do appreciate the criticism. This will assist me in making future stories more enjoyable.