Ave Imperator

by Imperaxum

II

I snapped to consciousness, nerves tingling and ears ringing at what I saw. Detached enough to wonder at the strength of the fight-or-flight reaction a normal-looking forest could provoke in me.

I scrambled backwards, grating against a tree, scraping myself up its face. This was real. The bark was abrasive on my hands, painful. This was impossible. Had I been kidnapped? How had I gotten here?

I thought of my last memories.

How was I in anything other than a hospital?

"Oh God, oh God, oh God!" I stammered. "Oh God!"

My voice echoed through the forest, and I looked around again, heaving and wide-eyed. This wasn't right. The trees were beautiful, absolutely gigantic, untouched. I'd seen an old-growth forest a few years ago, and it looked just like this. It was wrong. There were barely any forests in America that hadn't been clear-cut fields at one point, and I clutched at my head with the realization. A minor thing. Oh, God, save me.

Birds were singing. I stayed put, leaning against a tree, sucking in air, sweet and damp. The forest was dark. I glanced around again.

Huh, my overcoat didn't blend in at all with the greens and browns. A stupid thought, the Haufen PDF uniforms were always grey, no matter the circumstance or consequence. Gold was the signa of power and closeness to the Emperor of Man, and a lowly infantryman like myself could only count a dull yellow aquila on his helmet and lasgun...

I shook my head roughly, rubbed my eyes. Now wasn't the time for an imaginary military in a fictional universe.

Lasgun.

The bulky weapon was right there, suspended on a thick bush. Of all the insanity, I froze at this. The gun was different. Clearly not some cheap foam board glued together and painted, it was unmistakably cheap metal bolted together and worn. Bolts. God, what was this? What had happened to my prop?

I reached over and scooped it up, running my hands over the thing gently, feeling the bolts and stamped parts. The thing, the lasgun. Lord above, never mind how this happened, did it work?

I shouldered the toy and squeezed the trigger, and flinched as a beam of red light spat out the barrel, scorching a black mark into an unlucky tree.

"Holy shit," I breathed, and more flippantly, "praise the Emperor!"

I laughed to myself, in spite of it all. None of it made any sense, there were no possible explanations for my current situation, but my lasgun worked. Damn. Praise the Emperor indeed. If my lasgun worked...

It was good not to think of the forest as I feverishly checked over the rest of my costume, fear temporarily replaced by wonder. My God, what was this? More solid materials, real ration packets . . .

I fumbled with the small book clipped to my belt, and held it in front of me reverently.

The Haufen Trooper's Uplifting Primer

I flipped through the pages of what had been a blank book with some fancy marker work for a cover - of course I'd imagined what it really looked like, but the crudely printed text in front of me was archaic and real. The manual for the average soldier, aped off the more canon Imperial Guardsman's Uplifting Primer. Basic weapon maintenance diagrams, litanies for reciting in almost any situation, absurd underestimations of the Imperium of Man's enemies. And in the case of the book in my hands, loyalty to the noble houses of Haufen, who rule in the Emperor's infallible light.

Which was heresy, but the Haufen ruling class was very good at diverting suspicion, and anyway, as long as the planet met its tithe quotas...

Of course, a simple trooper wouldn't know any of this.

I glanced around again, confused euphoria fading, to a forest alive with birds and mostly dark with the thick canopy above. It reminded me of my childhood in Washington, the smell of sap and fresh rainfall. The trees were glistening. In fact, it was like the great southern forests of Haufen.

My God. How did this happen? Where was I? The obvious answer was Earth, of course, somewhere far away from the convention hall, but I was struggling to believe that. It had to be true, but . . . I needed a distraction.

I took off my helmet, and traced my hand over the aquila on its side. I wasn't surprised when I found it was a raised signa, stamped into the metal, not a dash of paint like before. I shook my head wonderingly. My costume really was a PDF kit now. My head was spinning. I sat down to think over my situation, the man with the necklaces, and my surroundings. God save me. Emperor save me.

I blinked at the thought. I mean, I was in a foreign place, inexplicably displaced and with a working lasgun. Maybe the Emperor existed here. Maybe I was on Haufen? If I had a radio- well, vox-caster, as the lore went, I could check on the open frequencies, but a trooper didn't get one of those bulky sets.

I didn't want to think about my situation too deeply. I rose to my feet, and blindly tramped through the foilage, lasgun in hand. God preserve me. Emperor preserve me. Perhaps this was Haufen.

~

I didn't make it far before coming to a break in the trees. A ragged swathe had been carved into the forest, a dirt trail winding between the immense stumps. Branches littered the ground, still with leaves. This trail was logically impassible to vehicles, so damn, there went my Haufen theory. Unless it was a smuggling trail. Either way, it surely lead somewhere, so down the trail I went. I took a swig from my canteen, flinching at the metallic taste from the crude thing.

I walked all afternoon, the sun of this place high in the sky, till I stopped to satisfy my growing hunger. Jesus, why'd I have to imagine Haufen PDF rations as bland, utterly unappetizing nutri-sludge packages? I'd never tasted something so artificial in my life.

Well, of course, the rations were that way because of the food situation on Haufen. Unwilling to be dependent on a nearby Agri-world to feed its thirty billion citizens in the hive cities, the noble houses turned to less savory means. Everybody knew the equator was a stinking mess of fungi and spores, unnaturally bloated life from man's tampering and crop-fliers. Nutri-sludge was derived from that, made mostly non-toxic in the process, and fed to the hive cities and PDF. The base used to be alive, but it was a disgusting life.

Yes, I'd thought it all out. The noble houses were very wise above the masses.

"Praise the Emperor," I muttered. It was a comforting thing to say, and besides, I could hardly do otherwise when I had a real aquila-blessed lasgun in my hands. Every real 40k fan's wet dream. And who's to say He didn't watch over me? My logic screamed no, but the Imperial gear in my hands said otherwise.

"Praise the Emperor!" I screamed at the forest. "In all things! Glory to him! He protects his faithful!"

God help me. Emperor protect me. I finished my meal, such as it was, and continued. Night was falling, and hopefully I would come across a town, or a Haufen PDF outpost. Something. I had an uneasy feeling about the night.

~

Night fell, and my hope was inflamed by the light I could see in the distance, the faint chatter of voices I could hear on the wind. I stopped when the roaring began as I was stumbling down a long hill to the light.

My unspoken hope that I was somehow still on Earth was shattered by the roars. They were of great variety, shrill and guttural, with painfully foreign intonation. My God, no creature on Earth sounded like that. Some were fairly normal, but others sounded so wrong, and I knew fear. I clutched at my lasgun, and crouched behind a stump. The hellish noise was coming from the light, or rather around the light.

I heard the snap of branches behind me and spun, facing a bristling mass barely a dozen feet away. Oh God, it snarled-

"Help!" I screamed as I wrenched myself away, a limb from the creature clawing in my direction. Shit. God. Wait, I had a lasgun-

I found myself on my back as I squeezed the trigger, trying to point the lasgun in the right place. Red light exploded into the sky, the creature recoiling from the miss, and the next shot connected, the creature screeching. I rose and hammered on the trigger as fast as I could, mostly missing with shaking hands. The dark thing hissed and shuddered, ripped away at the foliage it writhed on.

The lasgun clicked dry. I stepped back and fumbled with the catch on the power pack for while, the creature still a few feet away, until I conceded that I didn't really know how to reload my lasgun, and now wasn't the time to learn. That thing wouldn't shut up, that disgusting, foul . . . xeno. There was no way that thing belonged on Earth. The thought was utterly enraging.

I have a bayonet. I don't care. I found myself on my knees, pounding the lasgun's stock into what passed as a face on the creature. It was weak, it scrabbled at my thick overcoat and latched a claw onto my helmet. Its stench was revolting, its fur bristling. I doubled my efforts to smash its skull in.

I hated it. I hated it. Hardly rational.

"For the Emperor," I breathed through gritted teeth, killing this abomination, its wounds steaming.

"For the Emperor!" I howled, swung, and heard a sharp crunch. God, my arms were burning. Was I wounded?

No. Thank the Emperor, that filthy . . . xeno, that obscenity to man, had not injured me.

It occurred to me that monster was clearly not the only one in these woods, though they mostly surrounded the light below. I watched on in fascination as colorful, unnatural lights blazed down below, and the cacophony of unearthly screams reacted by reaching a deafening level. Shapes, dark things, moved with purpose down below, silhouetted by the suddenly brightened light.

A battle, perhaps. I watched, finally getting the empty power pack to fall out, and I managed to pull a fresh one off my belt and slide it in with a click. I remained behind the stump, crouching, lasgun up.

Oh Emperor, there are shapes coming from the light to me. I could see waves of flame and dancing lights not unlike the shots from my lasgun, fending off the monstrosities; but their wielders were hardly better. As they came closer, away from the big light and up the hill towards me, I saw they were hunched over, tiny figures, painfully inhuman.

I didn't want to deal with more insanity. I ran into the forest and covered myself in foliage, and the figures, no, the xenos drew nearer. I watched them closely.

They were ponies. My mind registered the fact as one lit up a lantern, the rest searching around. They were clothed, and the clothing gave me further pause - golden armor on two, but garb that looked like it had come straight out of the nineteenth century. Suits. Tophats. They were speaking - oh God, I could understand!

"There's nothing here. We should go back," yelled a dour-looking pony, scarcely thirty feet away. Pony. I knew what these things were, but they were different and entirely unexpected. I made no move to show my presence.

"You saw it," another said, "the light up here. The native monsters don't do that. There might be a pony! An explorer!"

"And those native monsters are calling their friends," still another pony said, pointing into the forest, wincing at the ever-present roars. "We need to get back inside the walls, now."

I scarcely breathed as they left, still talking, voices finally lost to the monster's roars. Ponies. Xenos. Xenos. My God, I wasn't on Earth.

I wasn't on Haufen, never was. Emperor save me. The thought was natural.

It was too much. I sunk to the ground, back against a tree, blinded by a headache. I'd been putting off this thinking all day, and now it was back with vengeance. It took an hour to sleep. Too soon, too sudden. One could only keep up appearances for so long.

~

I woke and got a better view of the camp below. Wooden walls, makeshift and scarred. Crude wooden buildings inside, the place teeming with ponies. I had to go down there, had to get a better sense of the nightmare. I bristled at the idea, but it was underscored by grim inevitability. It also gave me something to fuss over, a goal, a distraction from analyzing my situation fully. I was garbed in the kit of the Haufen PDF, and there were xenos everywhere. I hadn't seen a human, nary a hint of one.

Before I went down, I read over The Haufen Trooper's Uplifting Primer. I lingered on its intro to the 'Know The Enemy' chapter.

It is the way of xenos to lie and mislead Men. There is only the Emperor and the divine right of Men to the galaxy, and the xenos are infinite in their number and arrogance, in their defiance to this holy creed. No matter when or how, they are never be trusted. The Emperor protects, but hate all the same.

Extreme words, but magically existing ones. Of course I had to be civil, but I wondered at God, and the Emperor as I walked down the hill. God willing, the Emperor would protect. I let a hand rest over the aquila on my lasgun.

Author's Note:

+THE EMPEROR PROTECTS+

Comments

[Architect Ironturtle]

Well, this is interesting. Keep it up.

[Lord Commissar Alexer]

[Nightmare Wolf]

PDF trooper

Why there's more than one chapter? Shouldn't he be dead already?

[omega-ze-wargod]

I had way too big of a smile on my face when he uttered the holy words. +Praise the emperor!!!+

[Loyalist]

Ok. This is fucking amazing. I have been waiting for a story like this for forever. I do have a bit of a concern though. A lasguns is a laser weapon. According to the lore, when a fully powered las-shot hits the unarmored human form, the blood in their body flash boils, killing them immediately and messily. I'd imagine it would do more than scorch a tree.

Due to the relative size of a pony compared to the average human male (3ft tall, or waist height, if I'm remembering the '6ft candy cane comparison correctly) I'd imagine it would do even more to them.

Other than that, fuck the hell yes. Continue keep The Emperor's Will in heart and mind.

[commissar craner]

6189958 ??? +THE EMPEROR PROTECTS+ continue please static.fjcdn.com/comments/The+emperor+protects+_c4d8cccab07679ac222e564e2ea8bb2a.jpg

[phallus of malice]

Elegant

[DracoBrony]

WAIT is this a two minds one body kinda thing or a merge or the to?

[Solo Wing of The Abyss]

6190435
cdn.meme.am/instances/61765602.jpg
C'mon man lay off the PDF. I've served with many a PDF regiment and I can say from a professional standpoint that although they are absolutely shit AT LEAST THEY HAVE SOME ZEAL I CAN ADMIRE AS A COMMISSAR

[KVFFour]

A battle, perhaps. I watched, finally getting the empty power pack to fall out, and I managed to pull a fresh one off my belt and slide it in with a click. I remained behind the stump, crouching, lasgun up.

Save that. Lasgun packs recharge from heat. Or electricity.