Story of the Ensembles

by linksbro1

Blinding

Based on SandJosieph's Gloomy Town found here
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9bq2i37m2k&feature=relmfu
Link to me reading it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ior-VG7DSrU&list=PL393CDEF51FE4521D&feature=plpp_play_all
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It was a very warm summers day in Ponyville, as Twilight Sparkle trotted out of the small town, when she was met with somepony. "Where ya go'in Twilight?" Twilight turned to face her friend Rainbow Dash "I have to go visit Zecora, Spike is sick" She explained "Okay, is there any news on the new Daring Do book?" Dash asked "It should be out in a month" "A month? That's like 30 days!" Twilight rolled her eyes "Just re-read the others, you might notice something new" "Okay..." Dash ran off "She hasn't returned those books since I let her "borrow" them..." Twilight thought to herself as she walked towards the Everfree Forest

There was a knock at the door, the Zebra looked up from the cauldron in the centre of the circular room "Who is knocking at the door I wonder?" Twilight opened the door and walked in. "Hi Zecora!" "Welcome, what do you need, I ponder?" Twilight turned to look around at the many strange boxes of ingredients and vials of potions "I need a potion for Spike, he's got Scale Rot." "A Scale Rot cure you need for your dragon, but there is something I need in this flagon." "What is it? If it is a herb from Ponyville, I came prepared." She gave Zecora her bag "Unfortunately, the herb is not from Ponyville, I fear." Twilight sighed "Okay, then what is it?" "It is in this forest, but is not near here." Twilight thought for a moment "What does it look like?" she asked. Zecora showed her a picture of a strange flower. It looked like a Venus Fly Trap, but there were six more mouths in its mouth. "Bleh" Twilight muttered in disgust, Zecora smiled "I do not usually have to use a herb so rare, but for Scale Rot, you must retrieve this flower, my dear mare" "Where do I find it?" Twilight asked "You must go to the most northern tree, when you find it, bring it back to me." "Is there anything else you need?" "Yes, but I will gather the herb of flanger, because you will be busy with the Trapped Fly Trap, but beware the possibility of danger." "Why is it dangerous?" "Does it matter what wants to maul? Just please watch of the Death Crawl. It pretends to be what you seek, but when it reveals itself, just ignore it, and be meek." "Okay, could I borrow a compass, so I don't get lost?" Zecora handed her a compass with two needles "Umm... why are there two needles?" Twilight asked "One will lead to what you wish to find, the other leads back to the other will lead to my home, keep this in mind." "Okay, if I'm not back in a couple hours, get the others to look for me." "I would only give one hour to look, and another hour to flee, please signal when you come across the nook." "Alright, I'll see you in two hours at most." "I wish you luck."

Comments

[MyLittleJosieph]

Intriguing, I can only wonder where this story will go...

[linksbro1]

If you read this, please give me some feadback :)

[deathtap]

You need to work on your grammar. It's more like a script for a play rather than a story. There are no descriptions, and the characters have no emotions. The reader needs to relate to your characters, and I cannot.

How's that for constructive criticism?

[linksbro1]

664350 Well, I tried to make it so that the characters just thought it wold be a normal day, so they are kind of tired, but it will get much better, I promise you

[bahatumay]

Holy wall of text, Batman!