Fantasy is more important than Reality. Always believe in Fantasy, lest you be lost to the frozen plains of reality.
ON HAITUS UNTIL REWRITES OF EXISTING CHAPTERS ARE DONE
This story is based off of SandJosieph's Gloomy Town
What would happen if ponies forgot how to die?
What would happen if you knew the secret to dying?
What would happen if they wanted to know?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Intriguing, I can only wonder where this story will go...
If you read this, please give me some feadback :)
You need to work on your grammar. It's more like a script for a play rather than a story. There are no descriptions, and the characters have no emotions. The reader needs to relate to your characters, and I cannot.
How's that for constructive criticism?
664350 Well, I tried to make it so that the characters just thought it wold be a normal day, so they are kind of tired, but it will get much better, I promise you
I may read this, the song had a good premise to it.
635827
Oh hello again.
I really like the concept, and the dialogue is not too shabby. The biggest problem is that characters are speaking in the same paragraphs as each other. It's better to split them up, even if it creates one line paragraphs. Readers find it easier to distinguish who is talking this way. Also, it's easier on the eyes than a wall of text. I'd say your paragraphs need to be about half the size they are now (at least with this chapter so far) in order to be more appealing. You might also want to put a little more description into conversations, such as mentioning what the characters are doing as they speak. It paints a higher quality picture. Overall, it's a fairly good story. It just needs some tweaking. Keep up the good work.
880048
I did try that with my other story, Carnival of a Lifetime
...
It...
Didn't turn out that great
And then I changed it to the book-ish format
nothing else was changed, and I got a lot better feedback after the change
Anyways, I'm planning to make this story... basically a coin story
You have Twilight's account
and Luna's account
And I'm planning on making Celestia too weak to battle, because the sun is not out, and her energy comes from the sun, and that's why it's from Luna's perspective instead of Celestia's
LOVE story of the Blanks, Love Both your stories (this one slightly more), continue the good work!
I would be honored if you commented on my fic!
Holy wall of text, Batman!