Dead Birds

by Stray Dog Kane

What counts as real?

2 days remain until peace has comes at last.

After a while, with Gilda having lost track of time, Fluttershy opened the guestroom door. It ruined a good sulk as usual, with the griffon still on the floor with an unhappy look.

“Gilda?” Shy said slowly and with some fear. The fact Gilda looked so out of it on the floor was something for concern at least. “Are you ok?”

“Can we not talk about this, and you just get breakfast going?” was Gilda’s grumble back, not even looking up. “Please?”

“S-sure, just come downstairs when you are ready,” Fluttershy nodded, and the pony left, heading back downstairs.

The griffon got up finally, took a breath, and tried to keep some form of composure on her features.

With what she remembered from that dream, she really didn’t want to face Fluttershy right now anyway. But, inevitably, one of the lesser known weakness of a griffon would pull her into meeting.

Namely eating.

But when she looked at her reflection in the mirror, she found she wasn’t alone. The griffon starred in quite terror with who now stood behind her.

“Are we done feeling bad for ourselves yet?” asked “The Snark” in the mirror, looking quite annoyed as he lay on his hooves next to her. Gilda could see his reflection behind her, but when she looked he was he wasn’t there.

“Bite me,” Gilda replied bitterly at the mirror. “I already feel sick enough.”

“Then maybe…” the Snark said, putting had claw on Gilda’s head, causing her to tremble with the cold touch being placed on her. “...you need a second opinion, eh? Just ask me, and I’ll help.”

“Don’t need my...head ringing,” Gilda said tensely. That bad memory played in her head as she could see the growing smile on the Snark’s face, but all the claw did was rub her scalp.

“Remember what I said about how nothing changes, little bird?” cooed the Snark. “You’ll never escape your past, these ponies will make a point to that…every time you will meet.”

His smile faded away as his body did, his blue eyes never wavering from her. Gilda was glad he left, taking a few breaths to calm herself. But now she had two reasons to get downstairs, food and fear.

Even so it still took awhile to get her to the table. It felt awkward getting there, and she dreaded Fluttershy asking what she dreamt about. Thankfully, the pony was busy doing her kitchen work for now.

“Tuna?” Fluttershy asked with half a smile as the griffon came to the table.

“Please,” Gilda answered with a frown, and a sigh as she sat down.

After a moment of silence, as she cooked, Fluttershy spoke up.

“I’m sorry I put that mask on you,” she said, not turning around. “It was for you own good, really.” On one hand, it wasn’t the worst question to ask. On the other, it was still something the griffon wasn’t happy about.

“It still freaked me out,” Gilda said with a chill at that memory. “Do you even know how horrible that felt for me?” Her tone was low and grim, just over a growl.

“I know,” Shy said, sounding sincere as she worked. “You were shouting until you finally went to sleep.” Gilda was silent, just tapping the table as she heard that. “I was with you until you calmed down.”

The griffon had an awkward blush at that, and had to hope the pony wasn’t blushing as well. Regardless, Gilda still felt bitter.

“The less you can perceive the creatures there the less they can perceive you.” Fluttershy just seemed to know the griffons was still unhappy looking, as so she continued. “They can’t hurt you if you can’t see them, I...just wanted you to be safe,” Shy ended as she turned around with a concerned look.

“And the butterflies?” Gilda asked with a brow raised. “How did I perceive those things on me?”

Fluttershy looked a bit surprised, looking back from the fish she was cooking with shock. “Butterflies?” she asked in a low voice.

“Now who’s the parrot….” Gilda added as she rolled her eyes.

“Why were there butterfly…?” Shy began, then she snapped a hoof. Gilda really needed to know how that works without fingers. “Oh yeah!” Shy said with joy. “You were thinking of them, right? Maybe that’s why...”

“You turned into them before I couldn't see anything,” Gilda interrupted stoically. While she could have spoken about how the bunch of them held her close with several flapping wings, Gilda knew that would have made things more awkward for both of them. So, she went for the simple question. “Are you even sure this drug is safe? Like for your mind?””

“You didn’t quite...hallucinate that…” Fluttershy said, as she dug her hoof into the floor, looking at the griffon with a blush. To Gilda, it said it all before she answered. “I was...holding onto you.” The griffon faceclawed. “I was just trying to help!” she squealed.

Thankfully, like the pony read the griffon’s mind, she got back to cooking. This moment wasn’t going well.

Gilda sighed after a moment. “Why are you doing this stuff to me?” she asked as she still held her head. “Either these pills made you mental, or something....”

“It worked for me, don’t worry about it,” Shy said with a smile, coming to the table with the fish. “You’ll be fine.”

“Case in point…” Gilda muttered, looking aside.

Ponies, to her, are inherently mad in this place. The loony kind that didn’t seem so bothered by these things. Gilda sighed in her annoyance as usual.

Eventually, Fluttershy put the tuna fish on that plate and the griffon ate. Soon, Shy was eating her own breakfast at the table.

It was quiet for a moment as the griffon stuffed the whole fish into her beak, except for the fins she held onto. At least the tuna was good, even if she was still nonplussed on how everything else was.

“Are you sure you are ok?” Fluttershy asked, noting Gilda’s mood had not changed, much to the griffon’s displeasure as usual. “We can have early session if you want to talk.”

“I’m not even sure I want to talk about,” Gilda replied, pulling a fish skeleton from her beak. “With all that just happened…sheesh.” She shook her head. “Freaking mental stuff gives me a headache, and that’s kinda scaring me.”

“We could try,” Shy encouraged, but the griffon just looked at the table, her eyes narrow. “I can get everything ready for you right now.” Gilda sighed, wishing the pony would just eat. “Maybe after that, we could go outside later, maybe hang out?”

Gilda looked up, a bit surprised. Not happy, just surprised.

“W-well, most of my animals are hibernating, but a few are still around,” Fluttershy stammered back. “It would be something to do for you, so you won’t feel so isolated. I know it helps to be outside, and not cooped up.”

Gilda sighed again putting a claw on her beak. “Session, sure,” she grumbled. “Animals, why not?” she said without energy. While the pegasus looked happy with that answer, Gilda sighed as she got up and walked downstairs to wait.

At least the pony will stop asking stuff, for now.

In short time, Dr. Fluttershy was down in the basement too, at her desk with papers. Gilda was on the couch with a bleak expression.

“How are you holding up?” Dr. Shy asked, putting her glasses back on. “I can tell you feel upset right now.”

“These pills are getting painful for one,” Gilda said with a grumble. “That whole scene last night, it’s all kinda…” She felt a lack of words. That whole scene she saw was still strange, cute, and out of any reason she knew.

“I see,” Dr. Shy said, a bit impartial. “Do you want to talk about it?” The griffon shook her head quickly. “Well, how about the other things on your mind?”

“I don’t know,” Gilda said, back to looking at the ceiling. “Like what?”

“What about Pinkie?” Fluttershy asked. “Isn’t she nice to you?”

“She’s silly and annoying,” Gilda started simply. “And yet…” she sighed, she may as well admit it. “...One of the few friendly faces I’ve seen in the last few days,” she groaned. “How’d that just happen anyway?”

“I tried asking her after you were asleep,” Dr. Shy answered, scribbling some notes. “She wants you to get better too, and she…” She paused for a moment, letting out a cough. “N-never mind, what’s important is she wants to be your friend if you want her to be.”

“And the other ponies?” Gilda asked, pointing her claw up. “You know, ones in town?”

“They’re...still mad...” Fluttershy looked disappointed by her statement. “Dash is...kinda famous here.”

“Pfft, saw that coming,” Gilda added as she rolled her eyes.

“Gilda…” Shy looked annoyed at that comment.

“Your reality is that people can understand and get better, mine is Dash and this town hate my guts,” Gilda stated with a sigh. “That doesn’t change and I think I can understand them pretty well.”

“I can see why you feel that way,” Fluttershy said with some understanding. “I know I tried to explain things to Dash, but-” She looked more down, and the griffon knew why.

“Guess I’m really not the only one living in the past,” Gilda cut her off as she grit her teeth. “Just like I thought.”

“What do you mean?” Dr. Shy looked worried.

“I can’t escape it,” Gilda said with defeat. “No matter what those dream pills do to me.”

“I…I can see this weighs heavily on you, Gilda,” said Dr.Fluttershy, being impartial again. Though to the griffon, if felt like she was brushing it aside. “I wish Dash wasn’t so angry about this too.”

“Meh,” was Gilda’s comment on it. “Creepy thing is, those dreams keep being so nice to look at compared to this.” She held her head. “At least until they were about stuff that’s making me feel like I’m mental.”

“Do….you wish those dreams were real to you?” Dr. Fluttershy’s question was answered with a sharp and quite angry look from the griffon on the couch. She gulped at that. “N-n-nevermind! S-sorry!” Gilda grumbled a bit as she looked more nervous. “S-so how do you feel about them?”

“That stuffs never real and fake as heck,” Gilda continued with a claw pointing at Shy. “Don’t matter what’s in them if it isn’t real. And then I wake up and…” She sighed, putting her claw down. “I don’t know, I just feel worse later.”

“Do they scare you?” Dr. Shy asked, nervously. “Worse that what nightmares you had before?”

“I don’t know,” Gilda said and shrugged, looking back at the ceiling. “I saw some nasty stuff in those, yeah. But…” She had to think on it. “It just feels like a lie to me.”

“A lie?” Dr. Flutters leaned forward. “What do you mean?”

“It was awesome sometimes, I mean it felt that way to me for a moment,” Gilda said with some joy, rubbing her neck. “Me and Dash or….me and….um, you.”

Gilda realized she said that last part with some dread. Glancing at the pony behind the desk proved her worst fears. Not that blush again!

“Will you stop that!” Gilda growled at the flush pony.

“W-what did w-we do?” Fluttershy said with some jitters. She then shook her head, trying to regain her calmer form. “I mean, in the dream you had? I remember you and Dash pranking, so…”

“We...flew,” Gilda said simply, not wanting to get into detail about the hug that had come before that part. “I just gave you some flying lessons, then we laughed for a bit and ate food at a picnic.”

“I...see.” Shy replied The jitters and red were gone, but now she was just smiling. It was big and proud. “That sounds really nice Gilda.”

“It was all weird to me when I woke up,” Gilda sighed. “I mean, really, really weird.”

“So, why were you so upset by it?” Fluttershy sounded sympathetic, despite still smiling. “It sounded like a pleasant experience for you, even if we haven’t done that in real life.”

“It just doesn't feel like me, like I’m someone else or something...” Gilda said, and could see Shy silently urging her to continue. She just huffed, figuring she could come up with something better. Still, she continued.

“Besides, you’d have fainted after a few flights,” Gilda jabbed at the pony. “Totally unreal!” Fluttershy let out a sigh, apparently unsure if she should be upset by that, or perhaps laugh it off. Still, that felt good, so Gilda let herself chuckle a bit.

“Is that why you were so down this morning?” Dr. Shy asked trying to be impartial again. “You’re worried that you aren’t being yourself in these dreams?”

“I guess?” Gilda replied with another shrug. “Plus I keep thinking it’s all going to be useless anyway.”

“What about you getting better?” Dr. Shy said with a serious look. “Getting better is a change, Gilda. You should know that.”

“I came here due to stupid nightmares, can’t say it changed,” Gilda replied with a bit of sarcasm. Shy looked more than a little disappointed, and for whatever reason she felt defensive. “The cake and fish are nice…” she said, sheepishly.

That didn’t cut it, and her doctor looked about ready to facehoof.

Gilda sighed in defeat. “Things just keep feeling more off for me, okay?” She had to hope that worked. “And I’m not sure what to do about it, or even if it’s going to matter in the end.”

Fluttershy looked like she was pondering something. “Do...do you ever have fear about where your place is in the scheme of things?” the pegasus asked. “Like your purpose in life?”

“I figured I’d be getting an awesome one,” Gilda said waving her claw like it didn’t matter. “Like I’d be able to bring down some big dragons, take the loot and glory, then go down in history books for it.”

“Do you see things differently now?” Dr. Shy asked.

“Maybe it won’t matter if I’m just going to be ‘big bad buddy bird’ to people,” Gilda replied back bitterly. “All that hoping for better being just a dream you get, it’s like being lied to some more.” She felt more than a bit venomous for a bit. “And if me dying some bad guy death is all I get outta this? To heck with all of them then, I’ll just take them all down!”

“Gilda!” Fluttershy’s yell caused the griffon to jump from the couch.

Both sides were now glaring at each other, one bitter and the other upset. But one side seemed to notice the impasse and calmed herself down. The griffon was still tense as Fluttershy closed her eyes and took a breath.

“That not a sane way to do things,” Fluttershy declared.

“Sane?” Gilda muttered with annoyance. “Seems sanity isn’t so nifty to me. I’m pretty sure the other ponies and Dash see themselves as sane too for hating me,” Gilda roared. “So which is worse, huh?”

The griffon grit her teeth in anger and then just groaned, feeling saddened. She guessed her frustration wasn’t enough to roar more about it. Still, the pony got up from her desk, putting her glasses down.

The griffon waited for Fluttershy to come up with some retort, or question, or something she didn’t care much for. She felt cold enough with how things were right now. But, to her surprise, the pony stood up to her, looking her in the face, and then pointed a hoof at the griffons face.

“What?” Gilda sighed at the serious looking pony. “What’s your problem now?”

“You’ve...got something in your eye,” Shy said stoically. The griffon felt it with her talon, and brushed the tear off.

“So what?” Gilda shrugged, just as stoic, or trying to be. “How’s that help anything?”

“Do you want to help me with animals until lunch?” Fluttershy asked with a half a smile on. “I don’t want things to feel too hard on you.” While the griffon now looked away, she continued. “I’ll help introduce you to them, so you won’t feel so uncomfortable when you meet them.”

The cheerful pony seemed to counter the grim faced griffon now holding it’s face, feeling more and more odd with how this had turned out. Removing her claw, Gilda could see Fluttershy still looked hopeful.

She groaned, but still accepted it. “Why not?” Gilda said with reluctance.