Crimson Titanium And Stoutheart Chivalry's Incommodious Quest

by The Brony Spartan

Two Strange Strangers

Applejack awoke one morning, to a smell. It wasn't an unpleasant smell, it was homey, friendly even, sweet and crisp, and a bit doughy, like unbaked cookies or funnel-cakes or... pancakes.

As her various senses slowly roused themselves, and her muscles readied for movement, she slowly opened her eyes to find quite a beautiful scene. The sun was just rising over the treetops, sending warm beams of light rolling across floors and up walls, and making the dust dance in the air. The smell of pancakes wafting under her door, the sound of friendly commotion downstairs, it put her in a content little mood. One that she hoped would last through the day.

It was a beautiful day in Equestria. Not the kind of beautiful day where wings were broken in spells, or where horrible things happen in basements. It was the kind of beautiful day that Equestria was famed for: a warm day with friends, and a cool night with loved ones. Or so Applejack could hope.

Applejack trotted downstairs, in a good mood from her timely, not to mention calming, awakening. Not that she had anything to be stressed about, yet. She ate breakfast contentedly, talking and laughing with her family. After they had finished, she cleaned the dishes, and set off for her daily chores.

But a few hours later, as she was bucking apples from the trees near the road, in the south-west field, when she noticed two ponies walking along the trail, talking to one another. The first was bright teal, with a black hat covering his orange and violet mane, but more interestingly, was the second; he was a deep black, with a violently red, violently spiky mane, and enormous bat wings sticking from his back, not unlike Fluttershy's, when she had been bitten by a vampire fruit bat.

"I told you there is a flustering deficit of purchasing arcades in Ponyville!"

"well, but... fuk u, i told U dat we shud go eest!!"

As they neared her, Applejack noticed not only were they arguing about directions, but the black bat-pony had a horn, as well as wings. Applejack knew well not to nose in other pony's business, but her curiosity overwhelmed her. Was he a changeling of a new breed? A prince from a distant land? And if so, why would he come to Ponyville? Was he an evil enchanter who did-

"hey, u! lesser pony!" growled the black one.

Applejack blinked, "Pardon?"

"i am refering to u, earth pony!" he yelled.

"Alrigh'," Applejack said, slightly annoyed, "What d-"

"Crimson!" interrupted the stout, clashing unicorn, "That is no manner in which to perorate to such a beseeching member of the fairer sex!" the teal stallion said, moving closer to Applejack, "My name is Stoutheart Chivalry, M'lady," he said, tipping his hat, "And what my cohort portended to affirm, is that while you, while a uh, um l-libidinous female, are not as good as he, you are still comparably exceptional to the average, and thus should not be offended."

"Okay..." Applejack said, still attempting to decipher what Stoutheart had just said.

"indeed, i didnt mean to b mean, it jus came out that way." Crimson excused, "after all, i, crimson titanium, am the altimate life form!!" he shouted, moving closer to Applejack, and reducing his voice to but a whisper, "cuz titanium is stronger then steel."

"Um, okay, no harm done, I guess..." Applejack said, still confused what exactly the subject of the conversation was, "So, you two need directions to somewhere?"

"yes, we do, leeser pone, to the only place we belong," Crimson looked off into the distance, eyes narrowed, "hot topic."

"Hot Topic, huh?" Applejack repeated, putting a hoof to her chin, "I don't reckon I've ever heard of that place, but I know someone who might've."

"u mean twilight?" offered Crimson.

"Yep, I guess you've heard of her then," Applejack surmised, " Then again, I'm not sure why you wouldn't, she is the princess after all."

"Actually, we know all about the propitious companions related to you, M'lady. Apple Bumpkin, Apple Cobbler, Apple Fritter, Apple Honey, Apple Munchies, Apple-"

"WAIT!!!1!1!" Crimson interrupted, "don't u nouw how stuuf works? if they find out how much we know about stuff, theyll all turn on us, just like sarah from 7th grade," again, Crimson glared into empty space, eyes narrow, "screw u sarah, nathan isnt even as cool as i am."

Applejack was beginning to worry now, could they be special Changelings, attempting to spy? That would explain why their speech was so broken, and why they looked like something Rarity would have nightmares about. "Wh-, how do ya'll know about all mah relatives?"

"seeee?!?!?" Crimson said, putting as much emphasis into the word as his lungs would allow, "now we gota get rid of her 2 make sure she dosnt tell anypony."

"Woah there, buckaroo," Applejack said, holding out her hoof to hopefully prevent Crimson Titanium from disposing of her,"Ah don't think that's necessary,"

"Yeah, you shan't be needing to do such a detestable act, it's not as if it may be that she could happen upon coming to betray us, she's the element of honesty!" After all, even if she was an ignorant redneck who believed in an invisible man, gentlemen didn't lower themselves to the primal standard of violence. Plus, she didn't seem likely to friendzone him.

"fine, i didnt realy wrant to anyyway." Crimson said, turning his flank to the two of them, sitting down on his haunches, and pouting.

"All right," Applejack leveled with them, brow furrowed, "How do ya'll know so much about me, and mah family, and mah friends, and, guhh-everything!?"

"u dun it nao, arry porrer." Crimson said accusingly, over his shoulder.

Taking a deep breath, Stoutheart explained, "Well, M'lady, where we come from, all you amiable females are preeminent in the industry of entertainment know as the television. A moving Photostat with accompanying sounds to go along with it. It's quite an euphoric experience provided by science and logic and not god." he emphasized, hoping to plant a seed of doubt in her feeble mind.

"Y'mean like an arcade game?" Applejack asked, unimpressed.

"Well, yeah, but you don't have to play it." Stoutheart corrected, "And it's video game, freaking pleb...." he said, a little angry that such a euphoric idea was being taken for granted. He would be sure to drink twice as much Mountain Dew next session, in spite of her.

Applejack pondered this for a while, "Famous, huh? Well, Ah never really thought about what ponies migh' thing of all of us, seein' as all the villains we've- Wait, what do yah mean, 'where ya'll come from' ?"

Crimson Titanium spun around, taking a break from his self-pity, "we come from a horribal world called earth, filld with scum and crime and scum and war, and pitful parusites known as humans." he said, waving his hooves about, as if he were telling a ghost story.

"First of all, yah said scum twice. Sec-"

"dhere's lots of scum, lik humans." Crimson said, returning to his brooding.

"... Second, we got all those things too, minus the scum. And third, Twilight's been to the human's world, maybe she can help ya find what you need. Ya'll should know where to find her, she might even be able to take ya to your uh, Hot Tropics." Enticed Applejack, hoping she could get back to her work.

"NOoo!" Crimson decreed, dramatically rising into the air, like a mighty black demon, commanding fear and respect from all to which he spoke.

Or at least, he meant to. However in reality, he managed only to hop about a foot in the air, spread his wings, and land face-first in the dirt.

"no!" He shouted once more, rising from ground, rubbing his likely bruised muzzle. It was hard to tell if it actually was bruised, seeing as he was jet black, "you gota come with us, so i can mak shure you dont betray us!"

"Whe- ta who, exactly?" Applejack had a feeling she wasn't getting anything done today.

"da E.V.I.L. corperation!" He said, ominously.

Applejack sighed, and rolled her eyes, "Ah guess we better get on our way then."

"u c, E.V.I.L. is a secrt code for evtremely villanous insindiary legon, and i used to work for them, as a firekill trooper, and my evil killcomandr made me kill a vilage of orphan kitens, but i felt nothing, becase i am so awesome, ans totaly hardcore, and i got to use a superfirekillergun, and it shooted gint flaming spikeybambs, that covered you in napaml needels, but i still didnt care because ... .. .....

Author's Note:

Ever notice how ponies have video games, but not TVs?
It's like in Civilization V, when you invent the internet before you invent computers. Like, how would you even go about doing that?

Comments

[Sketchjo65]

Hmm, this might be a weird fic to read about. Lets see where this goes.

[qxANGELxp]

Keep going with this, homie.

I kind of want more, now.

[StrawberryP]

Guess who! I made an account on here this morning, so that I can see your work when it's all done! :)

[The A I]

more please!