Hopes and Dreams

by Forest Shade

Don't Go to the Forest (she means it) 2

She ran over to Carousel Boutique only to be greeted by a wailing Rarity, claiming that the same thing happened to Sweetie Belle. Scootaloo peeked beside her to find a stash of empty ice cream cartons. "However," she said, "she did have a tint of red in her eye that night if that helps." Rarity said through hiccups. Scootaloo walked over to all of her friends' houses to find they were home, so why weren't the rest of the CMC?

She walked to Rainbow Dash's house and begged her for flying lessons. Again and again she tried but failed. If she couldn't fly, she would have a much harder time finding her friends, she figured. "Okay, if I try 45 times harder!" gasped the panting filly. At last, she seemed to be getting somewhere, but then she fell. Her head hung low, she was ushered out by a somewhat impatient Rainbow Dash. Sighing, she walked to the edge of the Everfree Forest. She walked in, shrieking at every noise she heard. By chance, she tripped over a tree root and tumbled down a hill. She buzzed her wings to help steady herself. She explored this new area, examining every rock to try to find a strand of hair. Nothing showed up until she peered over another ledge. She gasped, and again fell over, bumping her head along the way, causing her to black out.

She awoke to find her friends staring over her. Relief turned to fear as she saw a knife being held over her. Their eyes were fully red. Applebloom's eyes returned back to their orange. "Ah'm so sorry, but ya havta go! We are dangerous!" Applebloom shook her head slightly, "Don't ya see? We are insane!"

Scootaloo shook her head. How could this be happening? Applebloom's eyes were back to red again, and Sweetie Belle drove the knife down hard. Scootaloo dodged it, but it pulled out one of her feathers, causing her to squeal a little bit. "Go." said Sweetie Belle.

Scoots frowned. "But what happened to you?"

Applebloom sighed. "Ah will try to explain, but honestly, Ah have little idea. You see, one night we had a sudden urge to see Zecora, so off we went. Well, it turns out that there was a tribe of ponies there-"

"But I thought those ended years ago!"

"Well, this one remained. Anyway, they hippotized, no hypmotised, oh whatever! They did something to us that made us lose part of our sanity.We ran away, protecting whatever sanity we have left. Ah still don't git the red eye stuff."

Sweetie Belle intervened. "Well, maybe it's a sign that we're losing more sanity." she said nervously.

"Well, why was everypony else home, but you were the only ones that they chose?"

"Ah think it's the fact that we are friends with you."

"What? But what does that have to do with anything?"

"Ah'm sorry to say Ah have no idea."

"Um, I heard them last night saying that they want the failure, but what have we done?" whispered Sweetie.

"Oh no. They used you as bait, and now they want to go full time on...me." she fell to the ground crying. Why was this happening? Couldn't she just be happy? Just once?

Comments

[Pankrazius]

Could you sort out the dialogue in the first paragraph?

You should avoid to put speech-lines amidst text.
A dialogue-line should be placed either at the start of a paragraph or on the end.

Descriptive text. More text. Then Rainbow Dash raised her voice, while cocking an eyebrow "What are you doing there?"

OR

"Whoa! what are you doing there?!" Dash raised an eyebrow. Descriptive text and so on and so forth.

Further you should make clear WHO is speaking. And I mentioned the lack of description earlier.