The Mane Six had just put the last shovelful of dirt on the grave. Suddenly a massive pillar of purple light erupted from the ground into the sky from where the grave was. Everypony gasped as the dirt on top of the grave was disintegrated. The strange creatures body floated out, suspended within the purple light. You could feel the sheer amount of magic in the air As they watched the light enveloped the creature. When the light faded into nonexistence a body was gently lowered to the ground. It was a jet-black alicorn with a very strange cutie mark.
They could see his chest rising and falling. His eyelids slowly opened to reveal glowing purple eyes. He said “Oh, hello again.” and passed out.
" I need to write a letter to the Princess."Twilight said in shock
I woke up in a darkened room. I went to rub the sleep from my eyes when I realized I couldn’t move my fingers. Or my toes for that matter. My eyes snapped open revealing hooves instead of hands and feet “HOLY SHIT I’M A PONY!” I said THAT IS AWESOME!!!!! I then thought. I swung out of the bed and landed on all four hooves and took a couple of steps.
Wait a minute, how did I do that without falling? I thought in wonder for a minute about how I was doing this. In every fan fiction I read it always took time for a new human-turned-pony to get to be able to walk like I can. So maybe it is just an ingrained bit of information? Cautiously I took a few more steps. I then saw the mirror in the corner of the room. Walking towards it I stopped at what I saw. I was a jet-black alicorn with glowing purple eyes. I was distracted from my awesomeness when a strange groaning sound filled the room and something started to appear in the middle of the room. It was dark blue and strangely familiar. As the outline of it sharpened I recognized it. It was the TARDIS. From Doctor Who. WTB is it doing in Equestria? As the doors opened out walked two ponies. As they stepped into the light I recognized one as Derpy and the other as Doctor Whooves.
“He’s important right?” asked Derpy.
“Yes, I think so.” said Doctor Whooves.
The two continued to act as if I didn’t exist for five more minutes while they talked. In that time I tried various ways to get their attention but ultimately failed. Eventually they left leaving a very annoyed me behind. Still aggravated I turned back to the mirror I noticed something else. I had a cutie mark! And I recognized it too! It was a red daedric symbol for oblivion. It was official. I was my character I had created. And if you haven’t caught on by now I am a massive brony. What my character’s special talent is to breach the gap between dimensions and enter the Void. After digesting this information I turned my attention to my wings and horn I flexed my wings experimentally but figured that this was probably not the best place to try to fly. But why not try a little magic? I figured how hard could it be? Focusing on a nearby quill I imagined lifting it. The quill twitched but otherwise didn’t move. I tried again but was met with the same amount of success as before. Giving up I walked back to the bed and climbed in. I closed my eyes and sleep took me.
Since you are a new author and I can see some potential in this story let me give you some advice.
The chapters need have more details. (use the who what when how method, and explain what the character is experiencing with all their senses). Also try to aim towards around 2,000 word chapters if possible; any amount less usually tends people ignoring your story unless you update very often. In other words an authors average goal each month is typically around 5,000 words a month.
Most of the time people completely despise alicorn OC's but i tend to hold my opinions until i see more. Your character being the alicorn of the void could bring some great elements into the story such as creatures and other beings entering Equestria to do who knows what. Lastly you should think up of a fatal flaw your character as if there is one people hate it's a character that is a Mary Sue unless the story is a parody.
6038215 Thanks for the advice. I will try to implement your recommendations soon. Also I do plan to update often as i have it all written down on paper.
6038227
Glad to hear you are taking my advice with an open mind and heart which i honestly did not expect.
Continue..........
6040871 Okay I'll work on it
6038215 The problem with Mary sue's is that they often are not challenged either physically or mentally. There is nothing wrong with Writing about a op character but then they need a story that can keep up with their awesomeness, for example if you want a story with a character that is by deafult stronger than everyone else you have to make up some kind of conflict either by having everyone afraid of the protagonist or having him/her deal with politicts or having a equally op antagonist or anything to keep the story interesting.
If you also make everyone like the main char on top of being op you usually only make a trollfic and while the concept might work on a oneshot that is made to be comedical (if it has been written right, which is hard) it usually won't work, simply because such stories lack conflicts due to the fact that the main character is never in trouble or can deal with the problem with ease.
In fact the only time I have seen this concept done right in a serious fic is from Andoriol's story "Consequences of Unoriginality" where everyone love the main char due to magical hypnosis that the main char unconsciously use on everyone around him and he feel guilty about it because he can't controll it (and this is only the prologue, it would have been an excellent oneshot).
I actually like alicorn oc's because since so much are already set in stone in the scale of things that can be a serious threat as such in order to have a successful story it needs to be well written, in other Words all good alicorn stories are written by excellent writers as such there can only be good or bad alicorn oc stories cus the bar is set soo high rather than other stories that can turn out to be medicore.....
I wish you well and hope you have a good day.
6044221
WOW that a long comment but you are completely right in all accounts and i thank for expanding on what I said with my original comment.
Not sure how this trend started but don't give him a red mane.