This chapter was great. I'm happy to see a SombraXRarity ship joining the fray and I love the new friendship between Fluttershy and Bluebell. Also, the dream scene was funny.
This chapter marked a couple of interesting points for me. First was that while I am eager to see Sombra and Rarity actually cross paths, I had to take a step back along with him. If he moved too quickly...well, he didn't get where he was by not being cautious. I realized, as he did, that things couldn't just happen. Sombra attempting to expedite his conquest of Rarity would backfire, and if I tried to rush events in the story without thought, I'd write myself into a corner.
Secondly I'm starting to wonder if my second-person perspective shouldn't have abandoned after the opening chapter, because it's proving beyond a challenge. Now make no mistake, I'm okay with writing challenging things; writing is allowed, and even is supposed to be challenging, but if the audience is struggling to keep up? That element needs to be ditched. The important question to all my readers becomes:
Does the perspective switch prove a challenge to read?
6600484 I actually like the way you're writing right now. I simply felt that there wasn't enough exposition on how Shy became Sombra's first conquest, but I guess that'd be explained in later chapters. Frankly, I like how you explain Sombra and Bluebell's efforts and adventures.
6600504 Oh, for certain. It's probably going to be in the next chapter I put up, that little backstory being concluded. I do hope to keep everypony equally involved in this story as well. I don't want any character just being background noise or filler, and I don't want to fall prey to the trope of having to give a character something to do--if a character needs to be given something to do, they may as well not be in the story.
This chapter was great. I'm happy to see a SombraXRarity ship joining the fray and I love the new friendship between Fluttershy and Bluebell. Also, the dream scene was funny.
Forgot to ask, will there be an explanation on how Fluttershy hooked up with Sombra or why he's after Rarity now?
6590860 Thank you, faithful reader!
This chapter marked a couple of interesting points for me. First was that while I am eager to see Sombra and Rarity actually cross paths, I had to take a step back along with him. If he moved too quickly...well, he didn't get where he was by not being cautious. I realized, as he did, that things couldn't just happen. Sombra attempting to expedite his conquest of Rarity would backfire, and if I tried to rush events in the story without thought, I'd write myself into a corner.
Secondly I'm starting to wonder if my second-person perspective shouldn't have abandoned after the opening chapter, because it's proving beyond a challenge. Now make no mistake, I'm okay with writing challenging things; writing is allowed, and even is supposed to be challenging, but if the audience is struggling to keep up? That element needs to be ditched. The important question to all my readers becomes:
Does the perspective switch prove a challenge to read?
6600484 I actually like the way you're writing right now. I simply felt that there wasn't enough exposition on how Shy became Sombra's first conquest, but I guess that'd be explained in later chapters. Frankly, I like how you explain Sombra and Bluebell's efforts and adventures.
6600504
Oh, for certain. It's probably going to be in the next chapter I put up, that little backstory being concluded. I do hope to keep everypony equally involved in this story as well. I don't want any character just being background noise or filler, and I don't want to fall prey to the trope of having to give a character something to do--if a character needs to be given something to do, they may as well not be in the story.