Dawn Of The Silver Sun

by Nameless Narrator

First Steps

The lone clip clop resonated between the walls of a shabby lobby belonging to an orphanage in a small city called Wild Bastion. The sound was punctuated by scratching, a very unusual combination of noises accompanying a walking pony. That's because despite having wings the grey-coated creature attempting to leave the orphanage unnoticed was a hippogriff, someone looking similar to a normal pegasus with the difference being his front legs ended in griffon talons rather than pony hooves.

"Heya, Straw!"

The squeaky greeting came from behind the hippogriff who choked, spasmed his talons, and scored a groove in the wooden floor. Much like his name hinted, Straw Basket's mane was yellow, but the faded kind which didn't contrast with his coat too much.

"Heeey, you little pest!" Straw Basket turned around and grinned apologetically at the scarred floorboard, "Good thing I won't be here anymore when old Bluewing finds out."

A completely pink filly stomped the floor, staring at the wood nervously for a moment, but then looking up into Basket's brown eyes. Her name was Bubble Gum, but she was simply one of twenty orphans waiting for adoption.

"Eeeem... so it's true? You're leaving?"

Twenty-one years ago had tiny Basket appeared on the orphanage's doorstep with nothing aside from a pouch of bits, a cloth blanket, and, of course, a basket made of straw. Orphanage workers had not been too blessed with imagination at the time. Those were the happy ones because the first thing a leftover like Basket learned was that empty dreams were the root of unhappiness. No one from an orphanage like this had ever achieved anything big in life.

"You know how it is, ponies come and ponies go. I've been allowed to stay for this long only because I was paying for my schooling and I helped with you all."

There were several older colts and fillies helping around the orphanage and their time would come eventually, unless they found a job and moved out themselves or somepony who would want them. Needless to say, adopting a pony older than twelve years was an extremely rare occurrence.

"Soooo... what are you gonna do now?"

Straw Basket considered himself sort of lucky to have come to the orphanage during Bluewing's ownership. The old pegasus was harsh but it was well-known, at least to someone with somewhat mediocre education, that pegasi were naturally the most blessed with parenting instinct. As such, Bluewing had insisted on Straw going further than just elementary school when the young hippogriff had become able to bring the occasional bit home. Thus, Straw Basket assumed neither of his parents was a pegasus, leaving his best bet on a griffon and an earthpony because his birth date coincided with the city of Cloudsdale passing above Wild Bastion. It wasn't unheard of the inhabitants of the floating metropolis to grow tired of their kind and have a tryst with some of the 'land dwellers'.

"I've got some bits saved up. I'm going to try going to Canterlot to become a Royal Guard. Ponies at the inn were talking about them needing more recruits and taking anypony."

"Wooooooow!"

The filly's excitement was understandable: The idea of Straw Basket, an orphan like her, as one of the princess' protectors, felt distant and impossible even to him, but for a filly growing up on tales of heroism and valor it must have been a miracle waiting to happen.

"I hope it works out. The money should last for a while, depending on how high the prices there are."

"W-What if it's not enough?" Bubble's eyes grew wide in shock.

"I can always return here and work as a forester or something. My talons are great for that and there aren't many unicorns around for subtle work. I... I just want to try, you know? To reach out for the stars and so on," Straw scratched his own head now and blushed, knowing how dumb he sounded.

"Hey!" the filly smiled, all worries forgotten, "That means we might see you again."

"Yeah," Basket ruffled her mane one last time, "When princess Celestia herself comes here to see where her best new guard came from."

Both of them chuckled and Straw continued.

"I have to go now, my train leaves in ten minutes. I'll send a postcard back here when I'm swinging a sword around and- hm?"

It took him a while to shake off the filly hugging his leg without regard for the talons. Her scrunched muzzle and watering eyes were too much to bear and Straw looked upwards so she wouldn't see his getting wet as well. After all, this was the only home he knew.

"Umm, the train?"

"Huh?" Basket shook his head, realizing he'd been looking around for too long, "Oh damn, gotta go!"

"GOOOOD LUUUUUCK!" the filly waved him off as he madly galloped towards the station.

---

There weren't many passenger trains coming to a backwards town like Wild Bastion and the one currently leaving before Straw Basket's eyes wasn't one either. Basket had spent yesterday studying the traffic schedule and, being in a situation where every saved bit counted, he had decided to jack a spot on a train carrying lumber straight to lower Canterlot. It had been just an unfortunate accident of Bubble Gum catching him at the wrong time that had him now standing and panting heavily while watching his future go down the drain.

Many trains passed through Wild Bastion but a passenger train to Canterlot came only once a week. Normally, that wouldn't pose a problem but Straw, trying to cut corners wherever he could, had chosen his departure two days before the official recruitment into Royal Guard was going to start.

A big mistake, as it was now proving to be.

He wasn't going to let this chance go to waste though. Gasping for breath after running all the way here he had to at least try and jump onto the accelerating train no matter how dangerous or generally stupid it was. Too bad he had to do it in front of the few ponies walking around the platform.

"Youcandoit!" Basket grumbled to himself, sent a short prayer to princess Celestia, and started sprinting alongside the train.

At the moment he could still match the train's speed, but that advantage was diminishing with every second so he watched for an opening between cargo cars. One was coming up. Taking a deep breath, he jumped and hoped to either hit the lock linking the two cars or the short ramp used to access it during ride itself if necessary.

Fortunately, his estimate was correct and he jumped far enough. Unfortunately, not high enough. Who could blame him though, he'd never jumped on a several-ton heavy moving construction made of iron before. His chest collided with the edge of the ramp and the loud crack made his stomach turn more than the pain.

The impact knocked the breath out of him and through the fire spreading from his lungs to the entirety of his chest he immediately knew that some of his ribs must be broken as well. Mustering his rapidly fading strength, he pulled himself up the safety ramp.

"Dam-"

He groaned as he lost control over himself and coughed, splattering blood all over the ramp. Thankfully, the train's momentum kept him from rolling down from it and when he finally regained control of himself, mostly thanks to having no strength left, his shallow wheezing and a thin, unrelenting trickle of blood coming from his mouth were clear sign of a pierced lung. As his eyes rolled back and darkness descended on him he was able to think only one thing:

"Nopony from the orphanage has ever gotten far in life and I didn't even manage leave the town."

"Piece by piece we assemble what was broken. What would this piece be good for? No, don't get ahead of yourself. Having a pawn is enough for now. Time is running out."

A whisper hissed inside Straw Basket's head.

"Make your choice, hippogriff!"

"Whuh?"

The voice grew aggressive.

"Choose, now! Life or death?"

"-ife!" Straw sat up, ripping out a patch of grey fur on his muzzle where blood had dried up against the metal of the train car ramp.

He could breathe although every attempt still sent spikes through his torso, there was no blood in his mouth anymore, at least after several spits, and he was still on the triangle of metal on the front part of the train car. Few more exploratory prods revealed there were some black streaks on his chest which didn't feel or smell like dye but were the same as the rest of his coat. Careful not to move too much, he simply pressed his back against the cold iron of the car and rubbed his forehead.

With the cargo train not going at express train speed, even being outside wasn't that much of a problem. The large backpack lying next to him contained a waterproof tarp, which should be enough in case the late autumn weather got worse during the night. Not dying anymore, or at least thinking so, Straw looked around for a way to make his trip more comfortable.

The freight cars were simply large rectangular metal boxes, both open and enclosed on top depending on the cargo, with ladders on the sides and triangular utility ramps on the ends. The best Straw could do was put a sweater on, wrap himself in the protective tarp, ignore his growing headache, and relax with wind whistling around.

Comments

[The Amateur]

Hmm... a deadpan snarker with nowhere to go embarks on a journey to become part of the Royal Guard? Why do I feel like there should be a young, depressed unicorn in this role?

The dialogue was certainly on par with your previous works, though the prose in between feels slightly bland. At some points, the narration genuinely feels reminiscent of your previous, first-person fictions, in that the reader could tell how the protagonist saw the world and learn about the character through that perspective. This style never fails to keep me entertained and enticed for the next part.

Other times, it just seems as though the narration was never revised. The first chapter suffered heavily from a lack of articles and commas, which created confusion over the description of the other world. A couple of words were out of place in some sentences; sometimes I had to stop and piece together the sentence in my mind. None of these interruptions aid the immersion.

A few choice descriptions, metaphors, and the like could be tweaked as well. Maybe a little more attitude or character could be placed in those.

Regardless, I am invested in seeing where this story goes. Here's to the next chapter!

[Nameless Narrator]

5959969 I'm playing with a rather different personality now, definitely a more brighter one. Perhaps I'm just too used to a dark, depressive one so I'm doing it wrong.

As for the narration mistakes, I'm trying to find someone to do some pre-preading but that's still in the works.

Thanks for the constructive criticism, I'll go through the chapters again. Perhaps I'll think of something.

[Anonymous Critic]

"Piece by piece we assemble what was broken. What would this piece be good for? No, don't get ahead of yourself. Having a pawn is enough for now. Time is running out."

Time is running out... time until what? The plot... thickens.

[Two_Madmans]

Aaand we have another one Blaze?

"Piece by piece we assemble what was broken. What would this piece be good for? No, don't get ahead of yourself. Having a pawn is enough for now. Time is running out."

You again...

[Teraunce]

Frig! The Nightmare just indebted Straw to herself didn't she?