The Beginning
A/N this takes place after the royal wedding, where as the previous chapter takes place shortly after Rainbow Dash's first Rainboom, enjoy.
Flamewing
An orange pegasus pony watched in awe as her idol flew through the air, doing amazing tricks and spins that simply blew her mind. It was unfair really, nopony, beside maybe Fluttershy, could appreciate the difficulty behind those moves. Nopony but her. One had to get just the right spin, position their wings just so, catch just the right updraft, it was all so complicated, and those other five took it all for granted! She would have been mad at them, where she not spying on them from a bush.
"Twilight, that weird pony is watching us again." Pinkie Pie whispered into Twilight Sparkle's ear
"I know Pinkie, but I am sure she is just watching Rainbow, not us." Twilight reassured her, her eyes still on Rainbow Dash.
"For Celestia's sake Flamewing, why are you hiding in a bush instead of talking to the mare you...like?" The pegasus whispered to herself. As much as Flame Wing wanted to tell Rainbow Dash about her feelings towards her, she knew, just knew that she would get rejected. After all, how could somepony as amazing and awesome as Rainbow Dash care at all about somepony as mundane, boring and normal as Flamewing? It was just impossible, sure Flamewing was one of the hottest, fastest ponies in Equestria. But that did not change the fact that Rainbow excelled in the Coolness, Awesomeness, and Radicalness, sections of the essential cool pony and there was no way Flamewing could top that.
Flamewing had heard of a little snack shop in town called the Sugarcube Corner, and decided to check it out for herself. After all, nopony knew her, she made sure of that by living as far away from Ponyville as she could, getting supplies from Cloudsdale, and all in all living apart from all other ponies. So she quickly trotted through Ponyville, trying hard not to be noticed. Which, of course, got her noticed more so than not.
"I've never seen that pony in town before," One mare said.
"Check that flank out!" A colt spoke from across the street. She almost burst out laughing at this, honestly. Even if Flamewing had been interested in colts, she still would steer clear of such foalish comments as 'Check that flank out' please! Flamewing had seen more stallion-like mares!
Pinkie pie was pretty busy, an order for a confectionery masterpiece that may well rival the MMMM had come in and the Cakes needed all the help they can get. So when the bell above the door rang, Pinkie was there in her characteristic must-have-galloped-full-speed-through-a-wall-to-get-there-so-fast half second.
"Hey! your that weird pony who is always watching Rainbow do her tricks every Wednesday!" Pinkie said enthusiastically. Flamewing blushed. "Oooooooh somepony has a cruuuush!" she said in a sing-song voice.
"N-no I don't!" Flamewing protested her blush darkened intensely.
"Dooo tooo! Otherwise you wouldn't hide in a bush watching Rainbow do the same tricks over and over, you would probably come to my parties, but you don't because you always know Rainbow is coming, and right now your blushing like a school filly caught cheating!" As she spoke her excitement level rose until he was nearly screaming out Flamewing's secret like it was the most normal thing in the world!
"Please don't tell anypony! please if anyone found out I was a...a...a fillyfooler I would be ruined!"
"Nuh uh!" Pinkie protested.
"Whoa! Flame, you’re a fillyfooler?" A voice which Flame Wing recognised in an instant, spoke up. Flamewing froze, oh Celestia, Rainbow knew now, she was going to shun her, and Flamewing would never see Rainbow again! "Phew, I thought I was the only one!"
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oh and if you don't like the story please leave me a brutally honest comment as to why, so I can improve, I know I made the biggest mistake ever and attempted to ship Rainbow dash with my OC at such a newbly stage in my writing career, but any and all siuggestions and helpful criticism is appreciated thanks!
The period is your friend. It ends whole statements. New paragraphs always start with a capital letter. More later, sleep now.
thank you EbonEye I will work on that.
The story is rather amusing, but the plot is too sudden. I spent my entire childhood reading books, and that's where I learned the true meaning of writing. I suggest you lay off the video games, and read some good books
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Alright, plots too sudden, less videogames and more books. Got it. going to have to scrap the idea and re write it when I got more experience but im going to soak up as much knowledge as I can get from this failure as I can before moving on
More description. Same, the storyline is too sudden. The chapters are short. I know some people can't, but just try it. Anyways, I would like to see where this is going. If you want me to edit, Im all for it.
wait what...nice end lol