Cops: Equestria

by whysoserious1985

Chapter 1: Ponyville Sheriff's Office

Ponyville, Equestria
Ponyville Sherriff's Office

"Ponyville is one of the nicest places in Equestria," a deep brown colt said. His dark green hair was hidden under his Navy Blue hat as he walked along Mane Street. His blue eyes were constantly scanning the calm street. The rest of his uniform covered his upper body, leaving his flank bare. On his hind quarters was his cutie mark, a pair of hoof-cuffs. His belt with gun, mace, nightstick, cuffs and radio stood ready for anything. It was a bright afternoon and the sun was shining in a cloudless sky.
Deputy Long Arm

"There is very low crime in Ponyville," Deputy Long Arm continued. "Some ponies say we don't need any law enforcement. But I would rather have something and not need it, than need it and not have it." He walked along the street passing Daisy's Shop, Sugar Cube Corner, and the Library. "It's mostly Earth Ponies here in town, but there are Pegasus Ponies and Unicorns as well. We all get along perfectly. I lived here all my life and it was always a good place to raise a family and settle down. It's quiet and friendly. Nothing like Manehatten, you know what I mean?" Deputy Long Arm kept walking along passing several ponies as he went giving them each a nod. "Most of the calls I get are, disorderly conduct, some trespassing, but occasionally we get an urgent call." His thoughts and calm patrol were quickly broken by his radio.
12:47PM Assault Call
"Dispatch, Deputy Lock Down," the radio buzzed. "10-30, Carousel Boutique." Deputy Long Arm reached onto his shoulder and spoke into his radio piece

"10-4, Lock Down, Long Arm enroute," he responded.

"10-4," the radio said, "No need to rush the suspects aren't going anywhere." Long Arm began a steady jog to due east towards the scene.

"10-30 is an assault call here in Ponyville," he started. "It's very uncommon to get this call because everyone in town either knows each other or knows of each other. And the last thing you would expect in this place is an assault. But like I said before they do happen." Long Arm continued to jog around the corner and soon had the scene in sight. Even from a distance he could hear a mare shouting and crying. As he got closer, Long Arm could see a large splatter of red on the ground and two young colts on the roof of the boutique.

"Just look at me, Officer," the white unicorn was crying. "My mane and my coat are ruined! It'll take me days to wash this out." Long Arm walked up and was greeted by Deputy Lock Down, a silver colt with a black mane and tail and green eyes. His cutie mark was a nightstick. Beside him a unicorn was crying and covered in a sweet smelling red liquid. "I may never get these stains out," she cried and began to swoon. "Oh I feel faint."

"Miss," Long Arm said. "Can you calm down for me for a second and tell me your name?"

"Rarity," she said regaining her composure and sitting down. "I am the proprietor of this boutique. I want those ruffians on my roof incarcerated for this! SNIPS, SNAILS, you two have gone too far!" Rarity shouted at her roof at the top of her lungs. Deputy Long Arm looked up and saw two scared sets of eyes looking down on the roof top.

"Ok, Miss Rarity," Long Arm started taking note of the red goop. "Are you alright? Do you need medical attention?"

"Of coarse not," she noted.

"Ok, tell me what happened," Long Arm said. Rarity took a moment to calm down and gather her thoughts.
"I had just returned from lunch with my friend Fluttershy for a bridal fitting with a client at 1:30," she started. "Oh you should see the gown. She'll look smashing on her wedding day. I was just about to enter my boutique when those two dumped strawberry puree on me. Would you please hurry and arrest those two so I can clean up. I can feel it drying on my coat and getting stained." Rarity began shaking her body trying to get some of the goop off herself. Long Arm and Lock Down stepped back to avoid any splatter and both turned to the roof.

"Snips and Snails are, I wouldn't call them delinquents," Deputy Long Arm started. "They just have some trouble knowing when to draw the line."
Deputy Lock Down

"Yea they have a nasty habit of not thinking things through," Deputy Lock Down continued.

"What happened, Lock?" Deputy Long Arm asked.

"I was just passing my by on my normal route," he started. "I heard a loud scream of bloody murder. I ran over here as fast as I could and found the complainant as she is covered in this goop. Looked up and I saw two colts looking for a way to get down from the roof." Long Arm shook his head at his fellow deputy's words. "Dispatch, we need a wagon at Carousel Boutique," Lock Down said into his radio.

"10-4, Deputy," the radio buzzed. Long Arm looked around and saw red hoof prints leading into the bushes. Lock Down stayed with Rarity to try and calm her down. Following the prints the officer came to a fallen ladder lying on the side of the boutique. It had a pair of hoof prints on the side in the strawberry puree.

"Miss Rarity?" he shouted. "Did you knock down this ladder?"

"Yes I did," Rarity replied triumphantly before returning to Lock Down. "I wouldn't allow those two mischief makers to get away without punishment." Long Arm looked up and saw the colts were looking over the edge of the roof at the ladder.

"Boys, its Deputy Long Arm. You two colts know you're in trouble, right?" Deputy Long Arm called. The colts cringed in fear at the officer's words and slunk away from the edge.

"We're sorry, Long Arm," Snails called. "It was just a joke, we swear. You know we didn't mean any harm."

"Well we're not laughing, boys," Long Arm called roughly. "I told you colts to stay out of trouble last time you caused problems." Deputy Long Arm gripped at the ladder as a police carriage rolled up. Two additional deputies fumbled with their harnesses. They unhooked themselves and walked over to Long Arm. Together the three set up the ladder. "Both of you come down one at a time, slowly!" Long Arm commanded. Snips was the first one to obey. The stout little blue colt stepped lightly onto the top of the ladder and slowly climbed down. "Come down and keep your hooves where we can see them!" Snips complied as descended the ladder. When he reached the bottom, Deputy Long Arm reared up and put one hoof on Snips back. The colt was pinned against the ladder. Long Arm reached into a pouch on his belt and brought his cuffs up. "Put your hooves behind your back." Snips complied and began to cry as the cuffs clicked onto him tightly.

"Can't we just apologize to Rarity? WE'RE SORRY, LONG ARM!" the colt cried out.

"I bet you are, son," Long Arm said handing him off to another deputy. "But you're not getting a slap on the wrist this time." Snips was led over to the police carriage and put inside the black and white structure where he cried some more. By now a small crowd had gathered to see the spectacle. "Snails get off the roof and come down slowly!" Snails didn't answer. He just looked over the edge and slunk back onto the roof. "Snails get off the roof now!" Again there was no response. Deputy Lock Down took a set of cuffs from another deputy and began to climb. When he reached the halfway mark, Long Arm saw Snails hind quarters trying to find his footing on the ladder. The deputy continued to climb to the top as Snails found his footing and began to climb down. Long Arm stayed half way up and waited for Snails to come to him. When the tan colts reached the halfway point, Deputy Long Arm put his hoof on the colts back and led him down the ladder. At the bottom Snails put his hooves behind his back without being told. "You know what you did was wrong."

"I know, Long Arm," Snails said somberly.

"So why did you do it?" Long Arm asked snapping the cuffs on the colt. Snails didn't answer. He just let out a weak sob. "I'm afraid tears aren't going to help you this time." Long Arm passed Snails off and he was led away.

"Dispatch, suspects are 104, Carousel Boutique," the Deputy said leading Snails to the carriage. Long Arm then went up the ladder and looked around the roof. He saw a metal bucket with the same red goop over by the edge of the roof overlooking the entrance to the boutique. Stepping carefully, he walked along the roof and grabbed the handle in his mouth. He descended the ladder with the bucket in mouth.

"This is what they used to dump that goop," Long Arm said clenching the handle in his teeth. "Got the bucket they used." He walked over to Lock Down and Rarity.

"Oofah," Deputy Lock Down said with a sigh of relief. "Good thing they didn't lose their grip on this thing."

"Oh, my stars," Rarity said with fear.

"Yea, this thing could have severely injured you, Miss Rarity," Long Arm said.

"Thankfully it didn't," the unicorn said in relief. "If we are done, I must insist on taking my leave and try some measures to remove this goop from my mane coat. I only pray I won't need professional stylist to help." Long Arm and Lock Down nodded and Rarity went into her shop to clean up. Lock Down took the bucket and placed in an evidence bag. Long Arm walked around to the door of the patrol carriage and opened it. He looked at the two colts as they cried in the seat. Their eyes were turning bloodshot from the tears.

"When are you two going to learn?" Deputy Long Arm asked. Snips and Snails just kept crying in the carriage. "I'm asking you two a question."

"We're sorry, Long Arm," Snips said between sobs. "We really are."

"No, you two are just sorry you got caught and now you're going to spend some time behind bars," Long Arm replied. Snips and Snails began sobbing harder at the thought of being locked up. "Now listen, you two are under arrest for Aggravated Assault. That's a felony. I'm also charging you with Misdemeanor Trespassing. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to legal council. If you cannot retain one, the courts will provide you with one." Snips and Snails looked at Long Arm with terrified eyes and his heart melted for the two young colts. "Look I know you boys aren't bad colts. But even after you two put everypony in danger with the Ursa Minor, you still haven't learned. You're going down the wrong path. I want you two to think long and hard on what you did here and get your acts together. It's time to grow up." Long Arm closed the door to the carriage and it was pulled off by the other two deputies. Deputy Lock Down followed after them. The small crowd of ponies looked on with disgust and began to disperse at Long Arm's commands.

"Right now they are heading to the precinct," he said. "This is just a classic case of taking a prank too far. They are going to be charged with Felony Aggravated Assault and Misdemeanor Trespassing. They'll spend some time behind bars while they wait for their parents to pick them up. They are also going to be forbidden from setting hoof on Miss Rarity's property again. Being that they are juveniles, they'll be released to their parent's custody with an order to appear in court. It's not going to be pretty. I know these colts and their families. As much as I want to give them another chance it's for the courts to decide now. Because Snips and Snails have caused mischief in the past, I imagine they are going to get a reality check when they have their day in court. Even quiet towns have some level of crime."

COPS

Comments

[Saw Star]

Being a cop in the Air Force I am somewhat curious as to what Equestria law enforcement would be like.

[whysoserious1985]

5884756 You'll like it. If you want to read it right away, I uploaded this 4 years ago to my fanfiction.net account. But I'm cleaning it up for FIMFIC

[The Fiery Joker]

Well... that sucks.

[DreadedCandiru2]

5888360 If you want suckage, wait until the Canterlot chapter. It doesn't end well at all for somepony.....