The Black Mask Brothers

by Alex Rite

The Shipping Game

Baws

"...Yeah? I bet you would."

"What do you mean? I never cheated on you!"

"That's a lie and you know it."

I woke up very pissed and sleepy. "The hell?" I mumbled.

"I bet you're going out with someone else right now."

"Why do you care? We aren't dating anymore!"

I grabbed a pillow, took out the actual pillow, and filled the sheet with a bunch of bathroom towels I had in my room. I walked out to see Spark and some other chick. Fuck, if I paid more attention, I would have stopped myself, but at that time, I just didn't care. I walked down the stairs, a large pillow case of towels in my grasp. Spark turned to the noise to see me.

"Oh...we woke you up, huh?" Spark quietlt said.

"If my little sister is awake because of you fuckturds, I'm wacking the both of you. What the hell is going on?" I asked.

"Sorry. It's just...this here is my Ex--"

"Current!"

"--girlfriend. Sorry if we woke you."

I took a look at his Ex. If I had to guess, she was seriously in her very late teens; 16-18 max. She looked like hot cocoa; shades of brown and light brown in her hair, her body a light brown, and her tail dark chocolate. Stunningly beautiful, and could be classified as rich. Her blue eyes would probably but any stallion to his knees, and be mostly ashamed about it.

I stared at her with sleepy eyes and no fucks, but I still uttered those famous words. "Bullshit." I said. "She is not your girlfriend."

"Not anymore! Could you please tell her that?" He begged, but his Ex came in.

"It would be helpful if you didn't include the low life commoner into this coversation." She said.

That's it. "Banished bitch. Out of the house." I said.

"I don't have to, this is Spark's mansion anyway. Like you could afford this." She said in her snooty attitude.

"Hey, what's with the noise?" Alex groaned as he stepped out of his room.

---

Alex

"AHHH! A DRAGON!" screamed whoever the hell this chick was. "SOMEBODY KILL IT!"

Okay, that was just plain racist. "Spark. Explain. Now."

"Alex, ex, ex, Alex." said Spark.

"Dad? What's going on?" asked Amethyst, who had come down along with Shift after aparently being woken up by the commotion.

"A diamond dog and a Changeling?! How many vile, freak monsters do you allow to roam in your household?!"

"What you just say 'bout my kids?!" I replied, instantly infuriated.

The gloves were off now- you can insult me and Baws as much as you want, we're grown colts, we can take it- but you say something bout my kids and you best hope a brick wall suddenly appears between you and me.

"Baws- little help escorting Ms. "Daddy's Little Bitch" out'o MY house."

---

Baws

"Do you think her daddy even wants her at this point?" I asked. That left her mouth gaping. She growled at me, and I calmly, without sleeping on her, raised an eyebrow.

"Do you even know who he is? He is Mr. Salary, part of the Royale Ten in Canterlot. And today, he's gonna send a few assasins to take down the Black Mask Brothers and Vendettas!" She yelled.

Wait...what? "Really?" I asked. That seriously caught my attention. This made her smile.

"Eeyup. So, I expect and apology, and a kiss to the hoof, and maybe I'll forgive you for showing disrespect." She said.

Today? From Canterlor to Ponyville, it takes a couple of days when packing, so we have the weekends. But, I decided to fuck with her. "Sorry, your majesty. I shall condemn my sins." I said.

Then I thought it would be fun to give her a peck to the neck, and she squeaked like a mouse. She looked so confused with a shade of red on her muzzle. Confused or suprised?

"H-how...W-what?" She couldn't even finish her sentence.

"By the way, this isn't Spark's mansion. This is mine, so get out." I ordered. I gave her a quick, but light shove, and slammed the door. It was quiet at first, until I made a loud sigh and turned to Spark and said, "...You need to get out the house."

---

Alex

"Assassins?" I said, hearing the shit coming out of Ms. Ex's mouth. "Mare be cray-cray."

Spark sighed. "Yeah, probably... but I'd be on the lookout just in case."

"Mare be that cray-cray?" said Baws.

"Indeed."

"Okay, tomorrow, we gettin you outta the house and finding you a new girlfriend." I said. "No arguing. Now I'm going back to sleep."

---

Baws

"Nah, today. Seriously...Amy, could you look what time it is? There's a grandfather clock in the hallway." I said.

Amythest yawned, then walkex to the hallway. A bit of silence. "...7:37." She yelled.

I Iooked at Spark, my body ready to go back to sleep. "You're leaving at nine...or until everybody wakes up. Either way, you're getting out of the house today." I said.

...Fuck it, I'm sleeping on the couch. Grabbed a super large towel, walked to the couch, and fucking slept there.
Goodnight.

---

Alex

A while later, Baws and I practically had to drag Spark Plug out of the house, and when he did finally get outside, he was avoiding the sun like he was a freaking vampony or something.

"Really Sparks? Really?" said Baws at his reaction to fresh air and nature.

"Hey man, I been busy planning what we're gonna do about Longhorn, that doesn't leave me time to get out much." he replied.

"Excuses, excuses." I retorted. "Look, we're going to the market place to restock the fridge, there'll be plenty of single chicks there."

"And single dudes, if that's your thing." Baws teased.

"That was one time!" said Spark, his face turning red with either anger or embarrassment, or possibly both. "And in my defense, it was really dark and I thought that pegasus was actually an earth pony!"

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that."

"Shut up." Spark and I said in unison. Damn, that pegasus could be annoying.

---

Baws

We later booted him out of the house, not even moments later did we come to the same conclusion.

"He's gonna fuck up, isn't he?" I said.

"Eeyup." He said.

"...Should we--?"

"Eeyup."

Packing up our shit, we followed him to the store. And let me tell you something: Spark, somehow...

...fucked everything up. At least to a certain extent.

Couldn't leave him alone without mares being really akward about it, or straight up leaving. Fuuuuuuck.

---

Alex

Now all outfitted with our earpieces, which I had decided to bring along for just such a situation like this, Baws and I began to follow around Spark Plug at a distance as he continously failed to hit on mares.

"Okay Spark, new rule." I said. "Only use cheesy pick-up lines after you get the date. And try to stay out of arms reach."

"Don't need to tell me twice." said the colt, his cheek red and throbbing from his last attempt. Personally, I blame Baws for that last one.

"Dude, I thought you were here to help!" I said to my pegasus partner.

"I know, I know- I just couldn't help it!" he said. "It was already going south, and I figured, if it won't go down for the best, it sure as hell can go down for the worst!"

"You are one sadistic pony- you know that, right?" I sighed. Baws shrugged and gave me his "I have zero fucks to give" face. "Well, anyways, Spark, let's take a break and grab some apples. Applejack's stall is right around the corner."

"A-Applejack? Uh, s-sure, sounds like fun." replied Spark, and I could see his face glow redder as we aproached. I grew a sinister grin.

Bingo.

---

Baws

Alex looks like an evil villan doing that; he's got something up there. We followed to get some apples, before Spark came to a sudden stop.

"You know what, I'm not really hungry right now. I can wait 'till we get home." Sweat fell on Spark's face.

"Maybe, but we're hungry, Spark. Apples sound delicious right about now." I said. He's more nervous than a kid presenting in a stadium.

---

Alex

"Well then, maybe I'll just-" Spark started, before I cut him off by pushing him towards our target.

"No excuses! Now, let's go get some apples!" I said.

"No, really, I don't think-"

I snapped my talons, and before anything else could be said, Baws had scooped up our lemon colored friend and we were on our way. One thing I do love about my best friend, he somehow always knows exactly what I want him to do when I snap my talons.

"Not that I don't enjoy making Spark Plug uncomfortable," said Baws, "But exactly why am I lugging him to the Apple Family's stall?"

"It's simple, my avian amigo. I believe our little Spark has a thing for a certain orange-coated mare of the Apple Family. Isn't that right Sparky?"

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about." lied Spark, his face blushing like a tomato.

---

Baws

"Oh, really then? Well, how about we just..." I carried the poor stallion to the stall, him squirming like a worm.

"Nononononono!" He kept saying, but this is too much fun!

I gently sent him down with my arm around his neck. Then I proceeded to meet the orange mare. "Hello, Applejack. I would like three apples." I said.

She gave a nod, and looked at Spark. "Howdy, and you, partner?" She asked. Spark has never melted so fast before, it was amazing!

"I...um...two a-apples." He said.

"And...?" I stretched.

"...T-that's it?" Fucker wasn't gonna squirm out that easy.

"Aaaannd...?" I continued.

He sighed, probably realizing he wasn't get out of this as long as I'm here. "...I'd...like to take you out...on a...date...to..."

Oh my Celestia, how long has he been doing this? Three years? Four? He's taking to damn long!

"Sorry, Applejack. I'm sure you know me from Rainbow Dash. Winter Frost?" I said. Applejack's eyes widen, and her smile grew.

"Well, well, well. Dash has been talking about you an awful lot lately. Goin' to take 'er to a fancy dinner?" She asked me.

"Maybe, but Spark here wanted to ask you the same question. He's really shy." I said, trying to emphasize the hell out of it.

She caught on to what I was saying. "Well then, I got nothin' better to do on Saturday. See you two days from now?" She asked.

Spark couldn't be happier...you know, if he wasn't resting on my arm. "R-really?! Alright! See ya then!" He said.

We walked back to Alex, a smile on his face. "Did it work?" He asked.

"With a little help yeeeeaa-awww shit!" I suddenly blurted out.

Where the hell did Spark's Ex come from?! How long has she been behind Alex?! ...Was she following us?

---

Alex

"Why do you both look..." I began, when I suddenly heard heavy breathing of the angry variety behind me. "The Ex is behind me, isn't she?"

They nodded.

"Angry?"

They nodded.

"...We should run, right?"

They nodded.

---

Baws

And so we ran. At least, me and Alex did. Spark froze in fear. "You're shitting me. Fuck, Alex, turn back!" I said.

He looked back, and did the same thing I did. We turned around, to see the fury of the gods standing right in front of Spark.

"You...you...I can't believe you would betray me for a farm animal!" She said.

Unfortunately, we were not out of earshot for Applejack.

"Farm animal?! Betrayed? What in tarnation is goin' on here?!" She yelled, slightly offended by 'farm animal'.

I get to them first, and I quickly introduce them before Spark could. "AJ, Ex. Ex, AJ. Good? Good." I said.
"No, not good. I'd like to know why Ms. Kissing Flank here is calling me a farm animal." Applejack said.

"I-It's because--"

"I'm his marefriend, first of all." She was ignorant from my first comment. Spark looked like he was ready to murder someone.

"I told you already; we broke up. No more of this 'marefriend' stuff. It's getting very annoying." Spark said.

Alex finally appeared, but I already swooped in to stop this madness. I got in front of her, making sure Spark was completely away from her line of sight. "Listen, you guy's are done. Their's plenty of other fish in the sea. Please, stop." I said.

She gave me a 'hn', turning completely away from me. "...Hey, we never got your name. What is it?" I asked, the gentleness from my voice breezing in.

She rubbed her neck the same place I pecked her, her muzzle glowing a bit red. "...C-Cocoa." She said.

I smiled; least she calmed down. "Cocoa, very nice name. Now, how about we settle down, and talk it through, alright? Tomorrow?" I asked.

She looked flustered, but didn't seem to make an action about it. "...Your voice is calm." She tried to veer off the conversation, but its's not gonna work.

"I know. Just...tomorrow. Is that alright?" I asked.

She nodded. Though her muzzle his tomato red at this point, she still hasn't bothered to look at me. "Promise?" She asked, sounding like the voice of a child.

"You know where we live, just come visit, and we'll talk." I said. She began to walk away, and when she made it out of sight, I let out a breath of air. "Fuck...didn't think I needed to use that power." I said out loud.

---

Alex

"For the record, I'm just gonna keep calling her Ex, cause she got herself on my shit list when she insulted my children." I said.

"Okay, yeah, you do that." said Baws.

"By the way, you do realize that you now have a crazy chick crushin on you, right?"

"I am well aware, Alex."

"...You want I should get the hammers for tomorrow?"

"Only as a precaution."

"Yes!"

Baws laughed. "And you call me sadistic?"

"You are. And so am I. That's how it works." I said.

---

Baws

"Welp...thanks for getting her off my back! I'll uh...see you at home--"

"Wait a minute, fuckturd. You owe me one." I said. He groaned.

"I hate I.O.U.'s! Especially ones from you. For some reason, your's always has me searching or doing the most ridicoulis crap." He said.

Well...he isn't wrong. Last time he owed me something, he came back with five angry (yet small) dragons on his tail. Hilarious to see him run, worth it for the slap he gave me. "This is a big one too. See ya AJ." I said.

We turn to walk away...after being clunked in the head, all three of us. We turn to see AJ with a sly smile. "Ya forgot your apples. Here, on the house." She tossed one at each of us, and my respect for AJ grew.

"Thanks. Spark will see you at seven, ice cream parlor." I said.

She gave a nod. "Alright, see ya then!" She said.

Now...for that favor, what was it again?

---

Alex

While Baws was busy remembering the thing he was gonna ask Spark to do, I was giving the spectacled colt some tips on dating.

"Okay, first off, this is only the first date, so no need to bring flowers or candy- it makes you look desprate needy- besides, I don't think AJ is that kind of mare. Second, no need to dress nicely, but be sure to look good, I'm sure you'll be fine in one of your usuall bowties- the red one, as always- it's your signature and works well with your natural yellow coat."

"Damn right." said Spark.

"During the date, try to make casual conversation, but don't be pushy, don't want to look too invasive. If she gives you an opening, throw a compliment her way, if not, put in a simple one every once in a while. At the end of the date I suggest walking her home, taking a detour at the park, it's lovely for night strolls this time of year. When you get to Sweet Apple Acres, compliment the trees, she's sure to love that. Once you get to the door, do not make the first move, as that could lead to an awkward hug or, Celestia forbid, an awkward hoofshake. If she is going to hug you or even give you a small peck, good for you."

"Dude, how do you know so much about dating?" asked Baws. "Seriously, I thought that date with Goldilocks was your very first."

"It was. But I, uh... read a lot of romance novels..." I said, blushing. I noticed the grin on Baws' face and said, "Say one word and I will clobber you."

---

Baws

"Ha!" That was all it took before I got wacked. It was so worth it.

"So, what was it that you need?" Alex asked.

I sat there in confusion, then it hit me. "Ah! Right! See, there's a sword I want. A really, really dangerous sword." I said.

"And you want me to get it?" Spark bluntly said. I shook my head.

"Dangerous. Even for me, but it's the same reason why I'm goin there. Ever heard of a group called the Pyromaniacs?" I asked.

They shook their heads. Not surprising. I didn't know about them 'till a year ago. "Anyway, they have this sword, the Shishkebab . It's a sword that catches fire with every swing. What's even better is that it's fire proof and magic resistant. Two for one!" I said.

"And you want me to search it up?" Spark asked. I gave a nod.

"The drawback is that I won't be around when our target comes in, so the kids will have to take over while I'm gone." I said.

"How important is that sword to you?" Alex asked.

My brows fell into their angry state. "Very. This sword is top secret, and above all, dangerous. I'm gonna steal that sword from them. Not only is the group a bunch of Pyro-loving maniacs, but they have a tendency to put fire with every weapon in their inventory. My ice counters that. So...I'll be gone by them. It will teach them not to fuck with the Black Mask Brothers, and to know that they aren't the most scary group out there."

"What if you fail?" Spark asked.

"That's where you come in. I scanned the outside area, and what I need for you to do, Spark, is to locate where the Shishkebab is so I don't die. Quick in and out." I said.

Alex gave a small sigh. "...When are you leaving?" He asked.

"Tomorrow, after my talk with Cocoa. I did promise her, after all." I said with a smile.

He gave a small smile as well. "Your fucking crazy. But...that's why I like ya, you crazy fucknut." He said.

"Yeah, fuck you to, shitlord. I gotta go prepare. I'm going to the weapons shop. See ya guys at home." I said. I waved goodbye, and walked off to the outskirts of town.

Little did I know, their was a surprise for me.

---

Alex

"Wait, why do you even want a flaming sword? Fire's my thing." I said.

Spark shrugged. "Your a little late to ask him. He already left." He said.

I sighed. "...Something's up. He knows something we don't. But...what it is? He didn't know about the mother, or our next clue to the Vendetta...just..." He trailed off

"Its better to not know something that could save your life, than to risk your life knowing it." Spark said.

"Yeah..."