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Speed was you'r ordinary, every day pony. He was strong, but not the strongest. He was smart, but not the smartest. He was normal.
This normal Pegasus was a farm hand. As you could expect, it was not the most thrilling of jobs but it payed. Isn't money all that matters? That's the way it has always been. His job, or 'slave camp' as he liked to call it, had been going down hill lately and before he knew it the farm was sold and Speed received his last pay. He protested at first but after countless times of being escorted away from his old boss' premises he realized it was pointless to continue so, he stopped.
Speed lived in the town of Weymouth, a backwater town on the south coast of England. It was a very rural area despite being a renowned holiday destination. So it had farms, work so what? Speed wanted Real money. He didn't wan't minimum wage for back breaking work, no!, he wanted a good amount of money. Speed was Unemployed, Without food for sometimes days on end and had no means of coming out of that state soon.
The day was Monday a day unlike no other. As usual he would scavenge what he could to sell, he rummaged through shelves, and boxes everything. He came through relics from his family's past that he stopped to think about for a second before putting it gently back where he found it, making sure he didn't put it into the box. Eventually his small home was bare and Speed sighed in the emptiness of it all.
"Why can't I just get a job?" Speed thought "Why must i continue? Any life would be better than this"
Speed picked up the box and placed it on his back with a bump. He looked back at his house one more time, then at the box on his back and then he pulled the door slowly shut. Speed walked into town with his box on his back, through the busy streets and to a back ally to a pony to sell his, what that pony called, junk. The shady pony signaled him inside a shop-like building. it was set up like a shop inside, but outside it was a boarded up pub. Speed emptied his box onto the counter placing the box down with it hoping to sell that too. Speed took one last look at his possessions and as he did he spied his father's pocket watch that he had given to him. With immense speed his hoof slid through the chain and he threw it over his neck.
I'm confused about the setting. A Great Britain in Equestria? As in, London, Stratford-upon-Avon, etc.? Suddenly, Britain was transported to Equestria? Or is it one of those stories where The people are part human, part pony: like, thaty have the facial features and the tail, but the body of a human? Like in those fanart pictures?
The story has potential, but has errors throughout and feels a bit rushed. Trust me, I know the feeling well. If writing stories was easy, though, everyone would do it.
Can't favorite this, but I advise you seek out an editor and some help with writing. Ephraim Blue may be able to offer some assistance. He was the editor for LightOfTriumph wile writing his fist story. Seek Blue out; he's had experience.
I look through this edited chapter. I still see some grammar mistakes, but I'm unsure of really happened.
Why did magic make him freak out like that? See things? It makes no sense. Just because you aren't used to magic doesn't mean that happens.
And seriously, he got approved? That quickly? Sorry, but that shouldn't have happened. Most armies, to my knowledge, have a physical exam, a training session, and then they're shipped out. I can understand if that was the form for the physical exam, but where was the exam?
I think this chapter could have gone much better if you showed the exam, and finishing it off with the approval stamp hitting the paper. Thatt would be a good ending to the chapter, but with this, it's still too quick.