Okay, for anyone wondering why this story has such a like-dislike ratio (like me when I clicked on the title): This story is... pretty blank, to be honest. Twlight and 2 random OC's (I think) have such an unnatural and almost robotic interaction with no flow whatsoever, the dialogue and story is all over the place (oftentimes seeming like insane troll logic, for you tropers), and when the "sexy" comes, I probably found the most OOC-Twilight I have ever read...wich says a lot, believe me.

However... I do think that this story has potential. The setup is actually interesting (to me at least, probably as well as those that upvoted), but it's just the execution that turns people away (and thus the downvotes).

Thus, I sincerly ask that you find a proofreader or editor for this, since I do think this can shine if you ask someone to help you polish this story up.

6786620 This is an issue with literally all of Ponyess's works. I believe they are all written in another language and then translated, with the outcome rearranged into more or less proper sentences. This leads to some... strange wording and lots of OOC on behalf of the ponies. His Pinkie Pie very often sounds like if Rarity was trying an impersonation of her instead.

6786620

I sincerly ask that you find a proofreader or editor for this

I am proofreading all my stories, with the aid of two spell-check tools, which is all I currently have available to me. After failing numerous times to acquire even a proofreader, which leaves me depending on comments from users such as yourself here.

I do think that this story has potential. The setup is actually interesting

Then you would like to see the story completed and worked upon?

This story is... pretty blank, to be honest.

If you care to elaborate, maybe the story could be more interesting before it is actually completed?

6788251

This is an issue with literally all of Ponyess's works.

From how you put it, you have read in the order of 100 of my stories? Or, is this just for the few stories you actually have been reading?

I believe they are all written in another language and then translated, with the outcome rearranged into more or less proper sentences.

Thanks, I think; but if you could lend a Hand/Hoof in order to help me improve, even if just a small baby-step forwards? Not that I am writing in Queens English, which may account for some of the problems, at least for some of my readers.

His Pinkie Pie very often sounds like if Rarity was trying an impersonation of her instead.

Pinkie Pie impersonations are canon, even if it was Fluttershy; if memory serves me right?

and lots of OOC on behalf of the ponies.

Some of these may be up for interpretation, aside from application of obscure references from the entire of FiM, including the films and a few other instances that holds relevance to my stories.

6788959 I'm thinking of the more recent stories, which are the ones that caught my attention. They all seem to have this style to them that is almost too clean, and yet a bit jumbled and sounding like it's trying to be poetic because of that... It's hard to describe. It's distracting to say the least, but I can see where it comes from with what you've mentioned about proofreading.

Unfortunately, it makes them hard to read, though the premise has always been interesting(that is the reason I've checked those stories out, after all) so I try to see past the unnecessarily complicated sentences to understand the gist.

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I'm thinking of the more recent stories, which are the ones that caught my attention.

I think you are just putting a finger on a large part of my problem, right there. If it is in the large group of stories, or the misunderstanding of exactly what I was originally saying?

They all seem to have this style to them that is almost too clean

Too clean? I guess the poetry is a bit of the style I am working with. If anything feels jumbled, that's something I could use some help with. If you could point at a specific spot and suggest how to alleviate the problem, or correct mistakes?

with what you've mentioned about proofreading.

A mechanical aid isn't intuitive. I have to balance between two sides as I correct my typos.

so I try to see past the unnecessarily complicated sentences to understand the gist.

Thanks, I could make use of some help; dealing with these issues when and where they come up.