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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The only things i will complain about is that Logan death was humm how can i say.....
too sudden.
Seriously one chapter he's partying with his friends and the other he straight up *POP* and die.
Sure you explain why but it still seems a little rush.
Its like those story where the guy's friend start to say"Hey man,thanks for buying me lunch i wa-"*POW* and he's friend get crush by a car and die instantly.
But in your story its wasn't a sudden accident it was a kidnapping turn sacrifice.
When we read about his death we just get a "WHAT?!!!! When?why?how?DAFUQ?"feeling and we only get a "he got killed for a sacrifice and you went rampage because of it"response.
Sure they can't necessarily know why but it could have been good to have chapter about his kidnapping and his last through before completely disappearing of your story or just a little clue that he get kidnap.we need more details then
People may think its useless because at the end he would still die but it really help the readers to actually understand what happened and you feel a little less like Logan got drop in the trash.It also get us more glued to the story because you read about what he felt before dying so you want to see this foe defeated.
So yeah this comment is not to complain about Logan being dead(it just help the development of the story) but his more then sudden death.
Hope my critic was helpful
and doesn't make you angry
cordially:RainbowPegasus12
6068267
I know what your saying and I give you this hint. Why do all the characters have their own chapters?
6068324 i see
okay then i'll stay in my corner and wait