New Equestrian Avengers

by Blondlionezel

Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Arrival

One day, Sunset Shimmer was walking through the great halls of Equestria High, when a small, blue coin caught her eye. She kneeled down the picked up the blue coin.

“What is this thing?” She asked to herself as she inspected the coin. It had the face of a strong woman with a black mask. The other side was black and had a yellow thunderbolt on it.

“Hello...” A new student nervously greeted Sunset Shimmer. He had black hair, blue eyes,a slender but lightly toned figure, and a slight british accent.

“Oh! Are you new here?” Twilight Sparkled asked the new student.

“Yeah...my name is Leo Stark...” Leo Stark introduced himself as he nervously held his hand out for a handshake.

“My name is Sunset Shimmer” Sunset Shimmer responded, returning the handshake.

“Would you mind showing me around?” Leo Stark asked Sunset Shimmer.

“Sure!” Sunset Shimmer answered in a very bubbly tone. She took Leo Stark’s hand, causing him to blush. She also noticed that he had a similar coin to the one she found, but this one was different. One of the sides was of a mechanical looking red and gold mask, with blue eye lights. The other side had a blue, glowing core.

“Oh...is this yours?” Sunset Shimmer asked Leo Stark, showing the coin she had found.
“Yeah, but you can have it” Leo Stark answered her nervously, “I think you’re worthy of holding it”

“Really?” Sunset Shimmer asked, blushing a little. After what happened a few years ago, she had thought no one other than her small group of friends would give her a gift.

“Of course! It’s found you worth of it’s power” Leo Stark responded, stopping himself from saying anymore.

“Huh?” Worthy?” Sunset Shimmer asked, with a confused look on her face.

“Oh...it’s nothing...” Leo Stark tried to get her attention elsewhere, “May we start the tour?”

“Oh...right! Let’s go!” Sunset Shimmer announced, taking Leo Stark’s hand as they toured the campus.

Meanwhile, in the Friendship Club, Twilight Sparkle was reading a book and Fluttershy was petting a cat, when Rainbow Dash entered, holding a strange coin.

“Check out this cool coin I found!” Rainbow Dashed announced to her two friends. This coin had a strong man with long, blond hair, and a silver viking helmet on one side, and a small but powerful looking hammer on the other side.

“That’s so strange...I found one like that too...” Twilight Sparkle said as she pulled out the coin she had found. This one had a strong, stoic man wearing a blue mask on one side, and a red, white, and blue shield with a single white star in the middle.

“I...found one too...” Fluttershy nervously added, showing her coin. This one had a brown haired woman on one side, and a pair of wasp-like wings on the other side.

“That’s so strange...” Twilight Sparkle thought to herself as she looked at her own coin.

Meanwhile, in a blocked off section of the school, a dark force was gaining numbers.

“Master...” A cloaked figure bowed in submission to a figure behind a chair.

“Yes?” The figure responded.

“The one has chosen four others around him...we are too late to stop him...” The cloaked figure told his master.

“No matter...I shall defeat them all!” The figure turned around, revealing himself to be Loki!

Comments

[Revenant Pony]

(To be continued)

One could only hope since this is chapter one.

[Pyra Lira]

This is looking good, but your grammar and spelling could use some work. Do you need an editor? I'd be happy to help!

[Pyra Lira]

eyes,a

You need a space after that comma.

“Oh! Are you new here?” Twilight Sparkled asked the new student.

Who's Twilight Sparkled, and when'd she get here? I thought we were talking about Sunset!

Yeah...my

Again, spaces.

“Yeah, but you can have it” Leo Stark answered her nervously, “I think you’re worthy of holding it”

Missing periods.

worth of it’s power

*worthy. You're also missing a period on the end there.

“Oh...it’s nothing...” Leo Stark tried to get her attention elsewhere, “May we start the tour?”

A better way to write this would be:

"Oh, it's... It's nothing..." Leo desperately glanced around the room for some way to divert Sunset's attention. "Should we start the tour?"

strange...I

Come on, use some spaces! The spacebar is your friend; he only wants to make your text easier to read!

“I...found

*facepalm*

him...we

*double facepalm*

matter...I

*sigh* I'm not even going to point this out anymore, I think you've gotten the message.

The figure turned around, revealing himself to be Loki!

Sorry, but that doesn't work. You need to describe him in detail, just like every other character.

Other notes:
At the top, alongside all of the other buttons, there's a button to separate scenes. It should look like a double-sided arrow.
What's up with the coins? Are they supposed to give their holder the powers of the hero depicted? If so, what happened to the originals? You've given us no explanation so far; you should put in a prologue to give us some background on the matter.