I mustered all the strength I had.
“Stitch! I need you to come to the roof now! I have a surprise for you, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle!”
It was silent for a few seconds before I heard a reply.
“I’ll come right now. I love surprises!”
I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t have to argue, or anything. I was ok, for now.
There were many ways to the roof, but I chose the one in the library. I climbed the stairs, my mind racing with thoughts. Usually, I would have complained about the number of stairs, but that was the last thing on my mind.
I shivered, from the anticipation of what I was going to do and the gusts of wind threatening to throw me off of the roof. I heard a rattling at the entrance to the roof and saw Stitch climb up, with my friends close behind him.
“Stitch, I need you to close your eyes so I can give you my surprise! You can’t open them until I tell you, ok?”
“Ok Ash Fall, I’m so excited!” He said in between giggles.
How sick. At least he’ll be gone after this.
He closed his eyes and smiled, almost like a young colt at a birthday party. I motioned for Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom to come next to me. Stitch didn’t say anything, which led me to believe that the wind was too loud to hear their creeping steps. I whispered to them,
“Ok. We are going to push him off on three. He’s close enough to the edge to fall off. Let’s go.”
I counted, almost savoring the moment. He had made me suffer, now it was his turn.
I shouldn't be happy about this. I'm getting ready to kill someone. I thought.
“One.”
We stepped as close as we could.
“T-“
“What about my gift?”
An innocent question. I paused, on instinct. I wasn't supposed to be doing this. We could just trap him, maybe the Elements could fix this. No. He needed to be gone, and now. He had hurt my friends. I saw a new fear in their eyes, a fear that was never there before. I had been told that the first thought you had was what you had been taught. The second thought was what defined you. In that case, I was a killer...
“One minute, Stitch. There’s a finishing touch.” I said. I turned my head the other direction when I spoke and hoped that didn’t clue him in where I was.
I couldn’t say the number two. I was too close at this point. I looked at both of my friends and nodded. We shoved as hard as we could.
"Wha- HELP! THAT’S NOT A SURPRI-“
Stitch’s voice cut off suddenly. He was gone. We won. I started laughing. Things could go back to normal, things could get better! I-
“That was a really good try, for a filly.” No. That voice.
“You almost saved your friends.” I couldn’t turn around.
“I liked your friends, they were very useful.” I shook, unable to speak. I saw my friends, a large magic bubble encasing them both- over the edge of the roof.
“Too bad they have to die.”
The bubble popped. I squeezed my eyes shut.. Heard something hit the ground. At that moment, my heart ripped in half. One half stayed with me, and the other went with my friends. I would never be whole without them, and now they were gone. I sobbed, a searing pain exploded in my body. Stitch wasn't doing a thing.
This was sadness.
A spell forced my eyes open and made me look at him.
“You.”
I said, my voice breaking and tears beginning to pour out of my eyes.
“Me," He replied.
“It’s WAY too easy to make a magical double. You got to have one these days, with everyone trying to kill me and all. I knew who you were the whole time, Scootaloo. Did my double fake being crazy do the job? It must have, your guard was down so much I was surprised I didn’t kill you sooner. I kinda liked seeing your reactions when you were sending those colts and fillies off to their deaths.”
“W-why did you kill them?” I said. I choked on the words as they came out.
“I’ll tell you. Maybe not, actually, I’m not a fan of monologues.”
I was thrust over the edge of the roof. I felt the air rush around me. I closed my eyes. Blinding pain. Nothing.
EDITS/COMMENTARY
Make sure to indent every new paragraph, including the ones that aren't dialogue.
Where are these stairs? And are they in Twilight's castle or library? How far away are the stairs to the roof?
It should be colt, unless he's acting really girly.
Huh. Wonder who Ash Fall really is, or if he just made that name up?
This should be in italics, to indicate Scootaloo is thinking this.
Dang, Scootaloo, you are violent. Killing villains in Equestria has only been done once, with Sombra, so it's kind of strange for Scootaloo to immediately assume a course of action which involves killing Stitch. Her first thought would be more of, let's imprison him until we can blast him with the Elements of Harmony. Killing him would be plan B, not A.
Geez, you are about to KILL somepony and you are excited?! Most kids of this age would be having some second thoughts about the morality of what they were doing.
This made me laugh, although I really shouldn't be laughing at someone's last words as they fall to their death.
Good, not god.
Nononononono
Oh. Oh my gosh. I was definitely not expecting THAT.
I think that's the best response I've ever heard to a dramatic 'you'.
I WAS DEFINETLY NOT EXPECTING THAT EITHER!
Okay, I think you just blew me away with that plot twist. I've been reading Pegasus Device, which features multiple crazy characters. Stitch, compared to them, seemed too cliché and a bit off. I just blamed that on the fact this was one of your first stories and you probably haven't read any books on psychology. Now, when Stitch revealed he was pretending to be crazy, it made SO much more sense. Pretending to be crazy and actually being crazy are going to feel different. That's why Stitch, who was pretending to be crazy, felt a little bit off compared to the Pegasus Device characters, who actually are crazy.
Wow. Just wow.
That was amazing.
Oh and it should be a comma after Stitch said.
Haha, a villain who doesn't monologue.
Wow, that's certainly a cliffhanger.
Okay, I think this is DEFINETLY the best chapter so far. I need more. Longer chapters would be very, very much appreciated.
While this was a really short chapter, it really changed the story. It felt very realistic. Deaths happen suddenly, and most of the time, without warning, which was exactly what happened here.
This chapter also really showed how smart Stitch is. He followed 'keep your friends close but your enemies closer' very well, by promoting Scootaloo to second-in-command so quickly, and it didn't come off as deliberately trying to keep Scootaloo close, it came off as adding to his crazy persona. Acting so delusional allowed Scootaloo to believe he wouldn't catch her, and emboldened her to try to kill him in obvious ways. Showing his real self would have forced Scootaloo to be more inventive and secretive with her plans to take him down. Stitch also didn't monologue, which is a cliché weakness for villains, and he also killed Scootaloo quickly. I've always found it stupid when villains lock up their biggest threats in cells when they could escape, and not just kill them. They can escape from jail, but they can't escape death.
Also, why didn't Stitch kill Scootaloo earlier? It would have been safer, and Stitch really doesn't need to have a reason to kill Scootaloo.
So, in conclusion, I thought this was the best chapter so far, and I REALLY want more.
6174739 I just made up Ash Fall, she isn't a real character.
6175409 the a fan fic with a character named ash fall