Craving Adventure: The new elements

by Misscord

A Luna Eclipse

It was the night of the annual lunar eclipse after I had just moved into Ponyville. I was lucky enough for it to be about a month after my arrival and a night I had just finished the final touches on the new club I was opening up in town; Toxic Hearts. The club was on the outskirts of town and with my personal home in the second floor. It was a good thing I installed a sound proof door that lead up to my home above the club. I was opening it for the first time that night and letting everypony in free for the opening. The night had begun and all my friends had met me on the hill not too far from my home. We sat atop the green grass shaded with a navy light from the moon that had risen not long ago, other ponies from the town sat in their own individual friendship groups chatting among themselves sharing the treats and drinks they had brought with them. I stood and announced to everypony that they were to remember to come to Toxic Hearts once the eclipse was underway and they had finished gazing at it admiring its beauty.

Soon the moon had shifted its position across the sun that has met it half way, this was a sight to behold. Little did we all know that the princess of the night was to grace us with her presence. This was the first time I had ever met her. I had met Celestia many times for it was her who sent me to Ponyville to live, I was aware that she had done this with Princess Twilight a few years back and I was lucky enough to be the next to be sent here. She advised that the club was what Ponyville needed to develop and thought it was such a good idea that she sent me here to do so. As the brilliant light shone around the orbs of grace Princess Luna arrived from Canterlot in her carriage carried by her night guards. I caught her eye as soon as she arrived, everypony was thrilled and bowed and greeted her, I however was frozen in awe. I was not so sure at the time why, perhaps I was nervous because I had never net her before, but I realize now it was because of what was to come that I in feeling must have foreseen.

She trotted up to me and smiled holding out her hoof, I kissed it and smiled at her. “I am excited to dance the night away in your club. My sister insisted I would like it, she has faith in you Miss Rave.” I shook my head,
“Oh please call me Crave. Everypony does.” She chuckled,
“Called by your stage name, I am in fact I admit with shyness a fan of you music.” I blushed hearing her praise and chocked a little.
“I uh… yes please come in.” I rushed down to open the club and turned on the lights, music and opened the bar. My working bartender was a resident from Ponyville called Applejack, she seemed to know a fair bit about serving ponies and as a sales bonus for both of us I let her sell and serve her Apple Cider at the bar. Luna did love the music and I was lucky enough to dance with her and my friends as well most of the night. Once things got quieter I headed up to bed leaving AJ with the keys to lockup when everypony left. I glanced out the window once I stumbled up the stairs, to my confusion Luna was outside looking up at the moon. I opened the window and called out to her,
“Princess Luna are you ok?” She turned and nodded with a half-hearted smile. She was lonely, the feeling was unavoidable for me to pick up. I headed down back through the club and outside to talk to her, by the time I got there she was gone. She must have known I noticed and was heading down. One dark blue feather remained in her place, I picked it up and sighed. I wondered why she fled, why was she lonely? I smiled at the moon making a note to myself, I knew I’d see her again soon. I took the feather back upstairs and left it on my kitchen counter and headed to bed. I did not dream that night.

As time went by I framed the feather and hung it on my wall above my bed, it meant a lot to me that feather. Every morning before working on my music or whatever it was I did that day I’d head to the café by the park were Espresso worked, in fact he owned the café. He was always happy to see me, I always ordered a cappuccino from his shop and talked to him about whatever it was we talked about that day. Usually I’d run into Plune and Wingstripe at the park or around town, times I’d see Star Seeker and he would fly around happily as we spoke. I had to seek Ghost out to see him since he lived in Everfree and hardly ever came out, he wasn’t too keen on most normal ponies accept me and my friends. Soon enough we would all see each other every day meeting up in one place or another. We all became best friends and I was lucky.

One night I was walking with Ghost outside of town when we were met by the princess of the night again, it has been a good two months since we had met last. She approached me looking very distressed and upset. “Good I was hoping you wouldn’t be too long. I have had the most unpleasant dream about you Crave… It haunts me. I cannot let that happen to a friend.” I was shocked not just that something bad was going to happen to me but that she called me her friend. I shook my head quickly as she held my shoulders and gazed at me strongly. “Please gather each of your friends and meet me here at dawn. Hurry.” Without a moment to hesitate I ran, leaving Ghost behind to wait as I gathered and woke each friend from their night slumber and dragging Star out of my club. Once all gathered Star hiccupped and dropped his beer picking it up with his wing in a distorted manner. Luna rolled her eyes then she spoke to us, “You must address the one they call the wish granter. She lives within a space between worlds, it can only be reached with strong magic. I can send you all there but not myself along with you. Ask her to grant you wings, you will need them. I cannot say why but… just do it!” Her horn shone a brilliant white and soon I opened my eyes in a room filled with smoke. Star giggled with a hiccup,
“Hehehe weed.” Wingstripe sighed and shook his head,
“Crave he’s drunk!” I nodded in annoyance,
“I know.” Star slapped my flank and laughed,
“You know nothing!.... but everything. You just get me.” I ignored him and stepped forward approaching the tall white alicorn that lay on a pile of red velvet pillows. She took another drag of her long pipe and exhaled at us letting out more thick cloud. Her hooves were grey that stopped before her knees and changed to white with small grey spots around the stopping point in markings, she wore red make up around the sides of her eyes shaped like a tear that faced outwards. Her hair was very long, straight and black with some tied up in a bun with what looked like chopsticks with purple fabric hanging off them and bells on the end. Her long purple and grey kimono hung loosely over her shoulders. She was beautiful yet equally intimidating maybe even a little frightening to me at the time. She smirked impishly as if she expected us.
“So you want a wish?” I nodded,
“I want to be granted wings.” She laughed loudly at this,
“No this is not what you truly wish…” She suddenly turned serious as she paused and continued, “But you do wish to please the one who wishes this for you. Indeed if what she saw is to come to pass you need these wings. You need alicorn magic. You need to be an alicorn.” I frowned, indeed I did not wish no become an alicorn. I was happy being a unicorn and didn’t want to be a ‘princess’ but to have both would make me one I knew I’d have to deal with even more publicity and media with this change. As if being a up and rising DJ wasn’t hard enough. “The price will be heavy. Your gift is indeed like mine, though you are young.”
“Price what do you mean? We will pay it for her!” Wingstripe stepped up. I shook my head,
“She will only let me pay it since it’s my wish.” Star chuckled,
“Can I have a wish?”
“No.” The alicorn said bluntly.
“AWWWW!” Star whined loudly.
“As I was saying… Your price. I require a payment… hmmm.” She gazed into the smoke she blew out as it twisted and moved into the image of a feather.
“You want Luna’s feather?” She smiled wide,
“Not exactly, I want to show you dreams from now on till your last day in this world. The feather is a link between them and you.” I was puzzled, there had to be more to it than just seeing my dreams. She knew I was puzzled by this and explained more knowing I was no fool who could give it up so easily, “By giving me the feather I will show u dreams, the future, you must fulfil a task for me. One that you cannot avoid if this wish is to be granted. It will show you what must be done. Each dream will show you what you need to do to get to the position you need to be in when this time comes. That is all I will say.” I knew whatever it was would weigh on me heavily, like she warned. This would be no easy task.
“I accept.” She chuckled,
“Then let it begin.” I have to be honest I blacked out, we all did. We woke up back with Luna, only difference is aside from my newly granted headache were my wings. I stood up and looked at Luna as she gave me a sudden hug.
“I am so sorry, what was the price?” I looked at my wings and then back at Luna,
“Your feather you left behind when we met… with it she can show me dreams till I die. I have to do something for her.” Luna looked shocked,
“I have no idea what she wants you to do but why one of my feathers?” I blushed as I spoke my next few words,
“I… it means a lot to me I guess, and with it being your feather it connects to my dreams because of your power.” Luna blushed back,
“I am honoured something so small of mine I would cast away without a second thought would mean so much to you.” Star joined in on the hug with laughter,
“I love dreaming, it’s like imagining things but in real life.” Plune grabbed him by the tail and dragged him away much to his whining disappointment. Luna chuckled and nodded goodbye to me, there was nothing else to say in the moment. We both knew it was at least for the night time to part ways. The next day would be one of the strangest days I have ever had, I was not prepared for it. Now that I think about it, nothing would.

Comments

[Flyerton]

I had met Celestia many times for it was her who sent me to Ponyville to live, I was aware that she had done this with Princess Twilight a few years back and I was lucky enough to be the next to be sent here.

Uh, why is Princess Twilight still here? I mean, if your OCs have taken over the Elements of Harmony, Magical Mystery Cure wouldn't have happened, Twilight wouldn't have ascended, so why are you calling her a Princess? Also, why are you referring to Princess Celestia as "Celestia" while Twilight (Who, mind you, even according to canon she still isn't a Princess yet.) is called "Princess Twilight".

[Lazydrill]

With this chapter as well, it feels fast-paced.

Price what do you mean? We will pay it for her!” Wingstripe stepped up. I shook my head,
“She will only let me pay it since it’s my wish.” Star chuckled,
“Can I have a wish?”
“No.” The alicorn said bluntly.
“AWWWW!” Star whined loudly.
“As I was saying… Your price. I require a payment… hmmm.”

Use spaces when conversations take place between multiple characters.

wish granter

Use capitals for a name calling, or ', like: Wish Granter/ 'wish granter' it makes the creature in question, stand out as a character or else it could be 'over-read' and the reader can get confused later on.

At the end of the last paragraph:

Soon enough we would all see each other every day meeting up in one place or another. We all became best friends and I was lucky.

After this, the story becomes a 'wall of text'. Which can be very unsettling for the reader.

She trotted up to me and smiled holding out her hoof, I kissed it and smiled at her.

This feels to me that Luna is OOC. Trotting seems not to be something that a Princess would do, especially Luna. It has only be a few years since Luna got back from the moon, reading her like this, gives a good feeling. Although, I think that she would still be not as much accustomed to being so openly in public.

Again, this not to discourage you in any way. I'm just pointing things that stand out to me.