In the middle of the city known as Canterlot, a girlish figure pulled himself from the sidewalk. He had just woken up from a strange slumber induced during his job. A job he hates but because of his circumstances, it pays well. After all, cafes in Japan are popular for unique reasons. Some, have butlers. The one he worked in had maids, and we can be quite certain of his position.
On each side of the sidewalk he pulled himself from, humans of strange coloring walked. No one, used to the strange, looked towards him. After all, a human-horse hybrid, also called a centaur, had finally been arrested. Another, a teacher, had been stoned in his vehicle by excessively rude students and came back the next day having scientifically engineered cotton candy clouds that rained chocolate milk. It had taken a yellow girl to calm him.
The boy's appearance, despite being very very feminine, was normal aside from his massive wings of nearly glowing silver, sharp enough to cut light itself. The figure blinked.
"Where-Where am I?" his female-esque voice asked. "Rainbow people?"
His face portrayed one of pure bewilderment. He had just registered the coloring before he heard a voice that sounded like the moonlight itself was dancing.
"Excuse me dear? Are you okay?" the moonlight asked.
"Where-where am I?" He asked as he turned. Before him stood a woman with night blue hair, twinkling like the stars themselves lived there as it flowed to an unfelt wind. Her skin was a deeper but less varied blue.
She placed her hand on his cheek rubbing her thumb against it. "You're in Canterlot, of the nation of Equestria."
"Equestria?" he asked her.
"Amnesia. I must take you to the Doctor," she murmured. "Please follow me. You can trust me dear."
Amnesia? he wondered, But I remember everything... I live in Tokyo, Japan. I'm a college student studying electronics...
The woman, having led him past just a few houses, knocked on the door of a little blue box.
"TIME TURNER!" She called.
"I'm sorry, who?" a slightly muffled voice called back.
"Oh for... Doctor!" she called, slightly miffed.
"Thank you!" a man stepped out, "now, what's the issue?"
"This girl seems to have a case of amnesia, Doctor, can you do anything?" she asked.
"Of course I can Luna, but I will tell you. She doesn't have amnesia. In fact, she has a very detailed memory. The TARDIS scans new arrivals to the planet when I let her. Of course, I was getting ready to come see her myself. TARDIS found quite an amount of Void on her," The Doctor answered.
"Void?" Luna questioned.
"Well, my people call it the Void. Its both that and a barrier. Its empty, to most things, and keeps worlds apart. Parallel universes. Something powerful must have sent her here. TARDIS found no ill intent so I suggest you enroll her in school just to watch her."
The boy tried speaking but the effects of being sent through the Void must have had adverse effects on him because as soon as he tried he passed out.
Dreaming...
Amnesia opened his eyes to see a weird room full of instruments of all kinds and a woman with the ears and tail of a cat. She was singing.
"When will the day come?
When will I see you once again?
I have lost you and the light,
is fading away."
Amnesia was filled with a longing for home and days long gone as she sang. As he began to sway she stopped.
"Alexis."
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I am the reason you're here. Not as a punishment but to help you and me. There is a man, an evil man, who killed nearly everyone I am attached with. Hopefully the powers you drew can help. The only one I can help you is for hints and this," she leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the forehead. "For now, so you don't endanger yourself, call me The Musician. My first hint, Look for the one with the powers of water and light for they will help you."
She began to vanish as he woke. "I am in a War so I can't do much. One day I will come to you. For now, there is someone in your world you need to find, her name is Celestia and, no not the one you met, she is a pony with wings and a horn. She will not be where you go after this world, but located far away from either Equestria. Help me with this and I will let you pick a friend to bring here."
Amnesia nodded and she vanished.
The Next Day
Alexis, for that was the boy's name, pulled himself out of a very comfy, but pink, bed. He was in some pajamas which were pink as well. A knock came from the door.
"Time to get up!" came Luna's voice.
He opened the door and walked face first into a pair of fleshy white mounds. Immediately he jumped back, face burning with embarrassment. The owner of the mounds was a woman similar to Luna but with a few lighter colors in her hair.
"Luna? Who's your friend?" the woman yelled, her face still calm.
"Oh," Luna peered past the corner wearing a chefs hat. "Tia, Amnesia. Amnesia, Tia."
Tia looked at Alexis. "She means Celestia. I take it your name's not Amnesia?"
"No, but it can work for now. My old name was..." he waved his hands past himself. Celestia nodded.
"Alright." A warm smile appeared on Celestia's face. Amnesia smiled back.
At CHS
"Alright class, we have a new student. Her name is Amnesia," the teacher announced. They peered up at him in his three-sizes-too-big-hoodie and he looked at them. "He-hello," he stuttered. One of the windows near him shattered and he shielded himself from the blast. He pulled his sleeve down to discover and piece of glass embedded in the sleeve. He plucked it out and saw something shimmer before a scratch that it had left vanished.
Meanwhile the class was laughing and a girl at the back of the room was looking at him with a burning curiosity. Her eyes twinkled before she spoke.
"The King..." she whispered.
What's a 'girlish', Midnight?
There's a 'myself' you left in there too. One that doesn't belong.
5472916
Fixed it.
5472924 Look again? At the old comment. This seems a bit silly and farfetched for a story idea, though.
5472938
Mind telling me where?
I know its far fetched but something like it has been done.
Granted, I'm adding my own spin.
5472951 The second one.
And I likely won't care as long as you axe the random when it's time for story progression. I.e. make it good, and I'll love it.
5472954
Er, I meant where's the extra 'myself'.
5472957 Ctrl+f -> type: myself -> It's the second one on the page. It's the 'myself' after [At CHS] rather than the one before.
5472977
I believe its fixed.
5473005 Yes, yes it is.
I know there are things that would turn me away from a story faster than a list of powers in the description, but right now, I can't think of any.
It certainly doesn't help when one of them is defined as "abilities and biology of an Organization XIII Nobody"; I'm sure this must be meaningful to one or two readers somewhere, but as far as I'm concerned, it's utter nonsense.
5473078
fixed the definition.
Did you at least try to read it?
5473078
How about a crossover that doesn't even say what it's a crossover with?
5473122
Fixed it.
5473136 So now it isn't a crossover?
This seems a lot more out of place then.
5473153
...
Its just a power. Not a crossover.
Well, at least probably won't be with a show.
5473108
Nope. Like I said, the list of powers is a turn-off.
Especially since they seem to make your protagonist vastly overpowered compared to the average MLP character, and I can't think of any good reason why your character would have those powers. Even assuming that there's a good reason* for them, it would be better from a storytelling perspective to introduce them through the narrative rather than giving the reader a character sheet.
Good reason: "My character is the lost prince of the Fair Folk and has the wild magic of the realm of Faerie."
Bad reason: "I hit 'random page' five times on the superpower wiki and this is what came up."
5473218
Not quite the reason but I'll change it, alright?
1.) Why does he not say anything about him being a guy? This is like that story where the guy was apparently to shy to even tell them he was a sentient being and didn't care that they treated him as an animal, even giving him a name. Unless you're a mute, you will at least try to tell them you're sentient no matter how shy you are. I didn't even bother reading the rest after he didn't say a single word after around 7 chapters in just because he was to shy. (and no it wasn't in the YHaY-Verse so he could talk, he didn't even try to communicate in any kind of fashion either)
2.) Why did the window shattering cause everybody to laugh? Especially since he got a piece of glass stuck in his arm.
3.) I know this is the first chapter, but there's barely any form of background for it. Why is nobody reacting to his metal wings that are 'sharp enough to cut light'? Why the heck is Luna saying his name is Amnesia? Well, more importantly why is he fine with being called Amnesia? You didn't give a reason other than:
That isn't exactly an explanation as to why he's not using his name.
4.) Why is The Doctor calling Alexis a 'she'? If the TARDIS can tell that he has all of his memories then I'd imagine it can tell that he's a he. (Also, adding the Doctor into this seems rather random)
5.) If you do plan on sticking to the name Amnesia then you might want to fix the dream sequence since you had yet to inform us of the name change yet you have his name as Amnesia in the dream.
Also, it could be that I haven't met to many feminine looking men, but the one's I have met don't sound (quite) like girls so why is his voice not giving away that he's a guy?
I don't care how shy you are, I don't think any guys would be happy being called a girl, especially in front of an entire class. By the way, why is he so complacent with going to school in a new world suddenly? You'd think he'd at least have something to say about getting dropped into a new world all of a sudden then suddenly being forced to go to a new school by somebody he has never met before.
I want to read this and enjoy it, it seems like it has potential (Though I might not be the best judge) so I'm gonna put it in Tracking for now, but there are a lot of holes in the story so far and parts that aren't making sense.
5473815
Trauma. You made me spoil it.
I was gonna explain, but in his past he was treated so horribly that he finds it very, very hard to deny him being a girl.
He voice is effeminate enough to sound like a girl.
The window bit was because they didn't realize it hit him.
Would any guy want to be called Alexis? Pretty feminine name.
I believe I explained the wings didn't I?
5474198 Sorry if I made you spoil anything, if you planned on explaining later you could have just said so. Why would anybody laugh at a window shattering? I might have missed it, but I don't recall you saying why nobody reacted to his wings. Most guys with girly names that I know usually go by a nickname that sounds like a guys name (Though admittedly most of them don't have effeminate bodies and voices). I see where you're coming from with him having trouble denying being a girl but you'd think he'd at least attempt to tell them that he's a guy, if nothing else so that he won't have guys trying to hit on him (I'm assuming he's straight).
What about these questions? If you plan on explaining in a chapter soon then just tell me, no need to spoil it if you don't want to.
5474279
1. TARDIS data flow was corrupted by Void fragments.
2. Spoilers to the plot. The first spoiler was to less of a degree.
5474304 Alright thanks, sorry if I was getting annoying, I am, admittedly, only half awake right now. I really need to get to sleep but I don't want to stop reading the story I've been reading.
5474312
I know how you feel.
5474317 Anyway, can't wait to see the direction this story goes. I've been working on something similar if what I saw Elric of Melnipony commenting about was true. Only mine was inspired by The King of Angels. I don't plan on publishing it until I work out all of the kinks with a friend of mine. Anyway, keep up the good work and goodnight (Assuming it's night where you are, if not than either good morning or good evening).
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