Critical Love

by The Cake Devil

One Cool Night in Manehatten.

Chapter 1

“Ok let’s see,” the pink pegasus said to herself. “Pen, check, paper, check, keys…keys, oh horse feathers where are my-”

“Keys?” a small voice asked.

Turning her head, the pink mare looked just in time to see a small pink filly bouncing toward her. The filly’s aqua-marine mane bouncing up and down as the keys jingled in her mouth.

“Oh thank Celestia,” the mare sighed.

She quickly grabbed the keys from the filly’s mouth and tucked them behind her wing.

“Alright, so dinner is ready it just needs to be taken out of the oven. Bedtime is at eight o‘clock, and if you need anything-”

“Miss Hard Swing is right across the hall, I know mama,” the filly said with a touch of annoyance in her voice.

“Ok,” the pegasus said as the filly turned away from her. “Gem Shine?”

“Yes mama,” the filly asked turning back around. She was immediacy pulled into a warm hug.

“Thanks kiddo,” the mare said, gently nuzzling the fillies’ mane.

“You’re welcome.” The filly smiled and gently pulled away from her mothers hold. “Now get out of here or else you’ll be late.”

“Oh my goodness you’re right!” The mare quickly lifted up the window and flew into the night.

“Good night kiddo,” the mare called out. “I’ll see you in the morning!”

“Good night mama, try to have fun at the show!” the filly called before closing the window.

Just as the window lock clicked, a knock came from the door.

“Miss Bloom,” a voice from the other side of the door called. “ Sweetie Bloom, are ya still there las?”

Recognizing the voice, the filly hurried over to the other side of the apartment and opened the door.

Standing at the entrance was an mint green earth pony, her main and tail a stunning autumn orange with small streaks of gray, eyes of emerald green, and three shamrocks making up her cutie mark.

“Good evening Miss Hard Swing.” The filly greeted with a smile.

“Ah, Gem Shine,” the mare responded. “Wonderful to see ya lass. Oi, your mum wouldn’t still be around now, would she?”

Gem shook her head.

“Nope, you just missed her.”

“Blast,” the mare said lightly stomping her hoof. “Ah well, maybe next time.”

“Is it something I might be able to help with?”

“No, no deary,” the mare said lightly patting the foals head. “Nothing to worry your sweet little head about.”

“Oh,” the filly said, slightly wincing with each pat. “Well anyways, do you want to come in? Dinner is just about ready.”

“Nah, I should really be-” she paused as the scent of the soon to be dinner, danced past her nose. “Is that…hayloaf?”

“Mhm,” Gem nodded. “With steamed broccoli.”

Miss Swing shook herself back into reality and looked down at the filly.

“Well I s’ppose I can stay for just a few bites.” The mare said as she made her way inside. “I was asked to keep an ear out for ya, so keeping an eye on ya is the next best thing.”

“If you say so,” the filly happily agreed as she closed the door behind her.

Breathing in the crisp night air, a pink pegasus stallion strolled merrily down the streets of Manehattan. Feminine in appearance, the stallion caught many eyes along the way, for his looks and for the lack of a tail upon his rump. But he paid them no mind focusing more on the journey ahead. Only stopping for a brief moment when a familiar pony across the street came into his line of vision. A devious smile crept across his face before he called out.

“You-ho, oh Cliffey my darling.”

From across the street a blue pegasus froze in place. A noticeable shiver went up his spine as he slowly turned his head toward the voice, sporting a nervous smile. The stallion weakly raised a hoof and slowly waved at the pegasus before fleeing down the sidewalk.

“Oh no,” the pegasus said with a sensual gleam in his eye. “You’re not getting away that easily.”

Moments ago on the opposite sides of the street, a blue pegasus by the name of Clifford Beats was enjoying a lovely night on the town with his darling mare friend, Pixel Ink

“So how was work today Clifford?” the cream colored earth pony asked. “Did anything exciting happen?”

The pegasus smiled and shook his head.

“Nothing too exciting today, sorry love.” He paused in his stride, placing his hoof under his chin as he pondered. “Although there was a spat between the diamond dog and minotaur diplomats, but I’m sure you wouldn’t want to-” His speech was cut off by the unicorn smushing his cheeks together.

“Yes, yes, shush your mouth and explain!” She demanded before sheepishly removing her hooves form his face and taking a step back. “Please?”

Clifford smiled and rubbed his face.

“Oh alright, well it started when senator Barcus mistook General Black Eyes dumbbells for a-”

“You-ho, oh Cliffey my darling.”

“Oh no,” he thought to himself.

“Something wrong sweetie?” Pixel asked

Cliff didn’t answer.

“Ok maybe it’s not him, let me just turn my hea-oh shoot it’s him! Stay calm Cliffy stay calm, just smile, wave and be on your way.”

“Clifford?!” Pixel shouted through her teeth, giving the stallion a firm nudge.

“Wha-huh, no no nothing’s wrong, I think we should move a little faster, don’t you, yeah let’s move faster!” The stallion broke into a fast walk nearly leaving his date in the dust.

“Clifford slow down, was somepony calling you? Was it somepony you know?”

“Nope nope nopony like that,” Clifford said looking to his side at his rather frustrated mare-friend. “We just need to keep on walkiiiiiiiinnng!”

Clifford stopped dead in his tracks, as upon looking up he found he was eye to eye with the stallion he had been fleeing.

“Fancy meeting you here Cliffy-po,” the stallion cooed as he floated to the ground.

“Hello…Storm.” Clifford said putting on a forced smile. “So what are you up too tonight?” He asked averting eye contact with the pegasus.

“Oh Cliffy,” he said draping a fore leg around the stallions neck. “You don’t have to play coy with me. I know you came this way in a desperate attempt to get an ever so fleeting glance of me. Knowing full well that I was on my way to get material for my next review for tomorrow's paper. You just couldn’t control yourself could you big boy, couldn’t wait a few hours to see me? It’s ok, I understand.”

“I..uh..I,” Clifford stuttered, drops of sweat shooting from his forehead as his muzzle reddened.

“Sh, no words now,” Storm interrupted placing a hoof on Cliffords lips. “Just…us.”

“Ahem.”

The two turned their heads to see a blushing earth pony taping her for hoof, glaring at the two with her light blue eyes.

“And who might you be?”She asked.

“R-r-r-right, Storm, I mean Pixie.” Cliff struggled as he released himself from the pink stallions grip.

“Pixie, this is Storm Analysis, my co-worker. Storm, this is my mare friend Pixel Ink,” he said wrapping a fore leg around the mare.

“Oh what a pleasure to meet you,” Storm exclaimed as he grabbed hold of the mare’s hoof with both of his and began shaking. “You are dating one of the smartest, wittiest, arousing, ponies I’ve ever had the pleasure to work with!” He squeaked finally letting go of the mares hoof.

“Why thank you,” Pixel said taking her appendage back. “And what section of the paper do you say you cover?”

“Oh, I work on the review column, nothing too glamorous but-”

“Wait,” Pixel interrupted. “You’re the Storm Analysis?”

“One in the same.”

“EEEEEEEEEE” Pixel squealed before rushing out from underneath her stallions grip. “ I absolutely love your work! Your review of A Mule on a Hot Tin Roof had me in stitches. I still have it taped to my fridge!”

“Aww thanks, it’s always good to hear feedback from fans.”

“What’re you on your way to go see now?”

“The Dark Maze by String Puller.”

“EEE, I’ve been wanting to see that for weeks! But Clifford refuses to have anything to do with it,” Pixel said rolling her eyes and turning back to the stallion.

“Oi, I keep telling you I’m not a fan of those big theaters!”

“Riiight,” she said casting a sly grin and leaning over to Storm. “He’s just afraid of the puppets, but you didn’t hear that from me,” She said using a hoof to cover her smile.

“Seriously?” Strom grinned. “Maybe we can all three go some time, that way he’ll have two hooves to hold when he gets scared.”

The two burst out into laughter, resulting in Clifford turning a bright red with his ears lowered.

“Oh dear heavens, Storm we absolutely must get together some time!” Pixel said catching her breath. “We sooo need a mare like you at our book club, you will come won’t you?”

Storms eyes sank for a moment, his smile vanished only to be replaced by a heavily weakened one.

“Um sure, I’d love to. Anyways I’ve taken up enough of you guy’s time and I have a play to catch so-”

“Enough said Storm, enough said,” Pixel interrupted as she grabbed Storms hoof and vigorously shook it up and down. “Do have a wonderful night won’t you?”

“I will thanks. See you guys later,” he said before taking flight.

“What a sheer and utter delight she was,” Pixel said turning to Clifford. “I wonder if she-”

“He.”

“Pardon?”

“He. Storm is a stallion.” Clifford corrected.

Pixel gasped.

“Oh my…oh Clifford I’m so sorry I-he.”

“It’s alright sweetheart; he knows you didn’t mean anything by it,” he said as he began walking down the sidewalk.

“Oh Clifford, I feel just awful,” Pixel said while keeping alongside the pegasus. “I only assumed, I mean with the way he was falling all over you and his voice, let alone his fur color and face.”

Clifford shrugged. “That’s just how Storm plays, embarrassing as all get out but it’s harmless fun all the same. You weren’t the first to mistake his gender and you sure as shoot won’t be the last.”

Pixel said nothing, looking down to the ground with a sorrowful look on her face.

“But if it will make you feel any better, I’ll talk to him at work tomorrow.”

“Oooh thank you darling!” Pixel squealed and planted a kiss on Clifford’s cheek. “So where did you say you were taking me…Cliffy-po?”

“Uhh I can’t believe this,” the blonde mare groaned while gritting her teeth. “I should have known there’d be a line.” Sweetie grumbled to herself as she mentally face hoofed, taking a reluctant glance over the seemingly endless line of ponies in front of her. “At this rate I’ll never get in, so I won’t be able to do my review, and then I won’t get paid, which means- hey wait a second!” She exclaimed, as she reached under her wing and proudly pulled out a small tag containing a card with the words

“Straight from the Pony’s Mouth: Press Pass” in bold font. She quickly stepped out of line and sped to the ticket booth, inadvertently cutting off a disgruntled red unicorn and scuffing his black jacket in the process.

“Sweetie Bloom of the SFTPM Press,” she blurted. “ One ticket to see The Dark Maze please!”

The mare at the front ticket booth smiled and pressed a button, causing a ticket to show up on the other side of the glass.

“Enjoy the show,” the mare said.

“Thanks, I’ll definitely try,” Sweetie said before grasping the ticket. She then turned to the stalion and smiled. “Sorry about that, you can go ahead now,” she said before rushing inside.

The unicorn rolled his eyes and approached the ticket counter.

“One ticket please.”

“I’m so sorry sir, but that was our last one.”

“SON OF A-”

Once inside the theater, Sweetie Bloom quickly made her way to her seat, hovering daintily down to the ground and to her seat in the first row. The curtain was beginning to draw, and as the stage quickly took her full attention, she didn’t notice the eager pink pegasus stallion bouncing up and down behind her.

A slender mare pranced to center stage wearing a white gown and a ring of flowers around her head, giving the sign for both pegasi to reach under their wings, pull out their own pens and notepads, and begin scribbling down notes.

It was time for them to get working.

Author's Note:

Dear Dahlings.

Ok for those of you who know Storm from his show, you'll know that his character has been toned down alot...aloooooot. You have no idea how many HOURS I spent watching and re-watching videos to pick up on their characters, not to mention the Monsters drank to keep what was left of my fleeting sanity. But by Celestias third nipple we did it. By the way, Pinkie promise there will be more Sweetie character building in the next chapter.

Sincerely Yours, The Cake Devil.

P.S. to get a better image of Sweeties little girl, here's this.

Comments

[reflective vagrant]

not to be a party pooper, but isn't writing about real people (the reviewers, not just their avatars,) frowned apon here on FiMfiction?

[The Guardian and Friends]

It's...eh.

[The Cake Devil]

5047491 Dear Reflective Vagrant.

You would be right except A. It's about their ponsonas, not the actual people, and B. They are established citizens in the mlp universe, ponies not people.
5047537
I'll take Eh, this is mine and Insulas first shot at a Romance/Slice of Life so we are stepping on unfamiliar territory. We have successfully delt with romance in some of our previous fics but never as the central point of the story.

[Sweetie Bloom]

Well... didn't see this coming.

[The Cake Devil]

5048581 Your welcome! But seriously, good, bad, atroshish? We're not done yet.

[Sweetie Bloom]

5048608 I like it. You're right you toned Storm WAY down, but I like that I adopted that filly I wanted!