Chapter 12: Reveal
Night had fallen upon the Winsome Woods. The chirping of crickets and the hooting from owls sounded from its peace. It was quiet enough to sleep through. One could say the singing of such critters helped ponies get to sleep. For one pony, that happened on many occasions.
But tonight for Fluttershy, the sleep was the last thing on her mind. She and Rainbow Dash had set up camp for the night in a small clearing. Rainbow had flown off somewhere into the forest alone. She didn’t say why, but she said she’d be back.
While Fluttershy was waiting, she sat on a log just by a roaring fire, using sticks to roast some delicious marshmallows to pass the time. There were plenty in the bag she had just by the log within reach.
Every so often, she would pick another marshmallow using the stick. She always focused on hovering them just close enough to the fire for them to roast into a crunchy golden brown on the outside, but a delicious gooey morsel on the inside. She would eat from them, savoring its gooey mellow taste after crunching into its core, lapping up any presence that would stick to the walls of her mouth.
And every so often, she would lose herself to the motion of just swirling her tongue all around her mouth. A strange pleasure came from just sucking on her own mouth. It frightened her multiple times, but she could not escape the delicious pleasure those marshmallows provided.
But nothing scared Fluttershy more than knowing the fact that she was all alone. And it wasn’t because of fear of the forest, it was fear of herself. She gazed at the roaring flames of the campfire, pondering what she was even doing anymore.
“Why did I even come to this forest with her?” she asked herself. “Am I enjoying myself?” She looked away from the fire. “Is she enjoying herself?”
It was silent for a moment, allowing the cackling of the fire to give its chance to be heard for a while. “I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash. I didn’t mean to call you a wild bandit. When I said…” Fluttershy paused herself to snif. “You are nothing like them. When you were chasing me, you were only playing around. That’s what you’ve always done.” She brought her attention back to the fire, listening to its cackles while a vision flared within them.
”Hurry up, Fluttershy!” Rainbow’s voice taunted as a filly Fluttershy was running from her chaser through a cloud park. “I’m right behind you!”
Every time Fluttershy looked behind her, Rainbow Dash was there chasing her. She would use the cloud forts for cover. Each corner she took, Rainbow Dash appeared in front of her. She would growl, and Fluttershy would yelp. The only hope of escape was the hill outside of the area with the forts.
After getting away from the forts, Fluttershy dove head first for the hill. One look behind her showed that Rainbow Dash was no longer following. She gave a sigh of relief. But that relief was gone as soon as she looked ahead. Just before she slid to the bottom of the hill, Rainbow Dash appeared in front of her.
Fluttershy squealed. But when they crashed, they rolled continuously along the clouds. She could hear Rainbow Dash’s laughter as they rolled together. It was the fun laughter of happy fillies playing around, something Fluttershy heard constantly and could only envy from a distance.
But with Rainbow Dash, as they came to a stop from rolling, Fluttershy could hear and feel that joyous laughter on top of her. Although scary at first, she couldn’t help but feel the joy of this playtime as well. She knew and felt in the end that Rainbow Dash was just playing around and having fun. And it was fun, so she was laughing with Rainbow Dash, both enjoying their time. Exhausted, but fun nonetheless.
And then that joy turned back into fear when that laughter changed tone. It was no longer fun and games when she was getting physically hurt. She found herself pinned on her stomach while two bullies on her back laughed and taunted.
“What? We’re just playing around. It’s the same thing, right?” Those voices weren’t Rainbow Dash.
The image faded.
Fluttershy squeezed her eyes shut and shook those images away. “No! It’s not the same thing! It’s not!”
After making a large grunt, Fluttershy used her stick to grab another marshmallow and roast it over the fire. From the fire burning the marshmallow, she could see the image again. The feathers on her wings fluttered under that pain she was feeling. The feathers held a rough pressure as they shivered at the presence of so many bullies.
But for all these bullies that Fluttershy saw, there was one pony she always expected to come. Rainbow Dash. But where was she now?
*Thump* Fluttershy's attention was suddenly distracted from the fire. The present Rainbow Dash had returned to the campsite.
"Okay, Fluttershy." Rainbow paused to turn to Fluttershy with a mischievous grin. "It’s time I told you about the most terrifying creature I’ve ever heard.”
Fluttershy coughed a gasp and shivered at the tone. “A c-creature even worse than those bandits?”
“Even worse than a big…” Rainbow paused and flicked her eyes open. “Wait what?”
The response told Fluttershy she was assuming wrong once again. “I-I mean… what sort of animal is it?” The sight of Rainbow’s grin returning made Fluttershy squeak.
“It’s no animal, Fluttershy. It is far worse than you can imagine.” Rainbow moved up to Fluttershy’s side and put a hoof on her chest. “But knowing this story, could just save your life,” she whispered menacingly.
Fluttershy could only clatter her teeth with fear. Seeing that the marshmallow she was roasting was ready, she moved it from the fire and placed the whole thing in her mouth. But she didn’t chew, she didn’t swallow. She let it stick in her mouth to stop the clattering. With the marshmallow in her mouth, she took another one with the stick and started roasting it.
That was when Rainbow Dash moved away from view and started telling the story.
“We’ve all heard stories about the wild creatures that wander about, looking for helpless prey to feed on. They wander at night, hiding in the shadows, waiting for the right moment to strike. These creatures could be anything. A wild timberwolf searching for its lost wood, a rampaging dragon who doesn’t wanna be disturbed, an insane pony who has blamed everypony else for his friend’s death…”
There was a sudden pause as Fluttershy heard movement. “It could even be a seemingly harmless butterfly.” Fluttershy muffled a squeak and her body tensed when she felt a hoof running along her flank. “But when it hides in your Cutie Mark, your talent is suddenly sucked out of you.”
Fluttershy started sucking on the marshmallow that filled her mouth, letting the delicious texture ease her nerves as she listened to this story. Rainbow Dash moved away from view again.
“But when I say, these wild creatures could be any of these things, I really mean, this wild creature could be any of those things. For when the poor prey sees this creature, all they see is a silhouette.”
Fluttershy gasped internally in the middle of her suction of the marshmallow. The fire in front of her showed her the image of the silhouette pony she kept seeing in those dreams. Her heart sank at the presence of such a creature, unknowing that the marshmallow she was roasting already turned to a crispy golden brown.
An ominous wind started blowing that made the fire dance in its direction. “This silhouette can come out just about anywhere. When you’re making cookies for your animals, when you’re taking a quick flight around the park, or even when you’re facing down a dragon, it’s there.”
The wind changed direction and made the fire turn the opposite direction. “It lives in the shadows. It lives in the skies.” There was a pause. “It lives with you, Fluttershy!” Fluttershy trembled and gripped her hooves harder against that stick. “In your closet. In your room.” Another pause. “In your shadow.”
The wind blew straight down, making the flames of the campfire grow brighter. All Fluttershy could hear was her own gasping pants. The marshmallow she was roasting continued to roast before going lit. But the cackling made a similar sound to the already roaring campfire.
The silhouette that she was seeing started multiplying in the background. She thought the images were over, but more showed up as she listened to this story. A light thunder sounded and she could hear the laughter of these silhouettes surrounding her, all of them bringing pain to her aching heart. The lone silhouette that looked like Rainbow Dash was no longer present.
Combined with their laughter, was physical pain she could feel running along her body. Her trembling caused her hind hooves to clatter against the log she sat on.
“That’s right, Fluttershy. You can take down crazy ponies, run from wild predators, hide from rampaging dragons, but there’s no where to hide from this life sucking silhouette. It’s more quiet than those butterflies on your flank. Just when you thought you were safe in this dark hole you secured yourself in, you open your eyes and see nothing but a silhouette gobbling your soul. One moment you find yourself in safety. The next moment you find yourself caught by this silhouette, biting into your coat and skin, tearing your heart out just like a timberwolf.”
Fluttershy could feel the pain alright. The thundering sounded just like the silhouettes tearing at her right now. She whimpered as she felt the vibrations of pressure on her body, the insults that were sounded, and the bites on her feathers. She found herself gulping down the last of that marshmallow she was sucking on, wondering where that Rainbow Dash silhouette was.
“But the worst part is…” The wind stopped. The thundering stopped. Besides the fire, it was silent.
Silent. All alone, and silent.
“IT’S HERE!” A bright flash of lightning illuminated the entire area. Fluttershy screamed at the top of her lungs, throwing her marshmallow in the air. Everywhere she saw was a shadow of a scary creature, surrounding her on all sides.
But in the fire was the silhouette she was looking for, the ringleader flashing before her very eyes in an ellipse manner. The Rainbow Dash silhouette complete with a wide open mouth to show its fangs. It’s hooves replaced with claws. And it’s wings replicating a dragon’s. But the worst part was that each flash displaying the silhouette animated to show it dashing towards her.
Acting by instinct, Fluttershy leaped off of her log and dashed straight for the bushes to hide under. She could still hear the thundering going on while she was still screaming. It went on for a few more seconds before turning off. There were no more flashes. All Fluttershy could hear, was laughter resonating within her own mind.
But there was one laughter Fluttershy wanted to hear. Rainbow Dash’s laughter. It wasn’t there. Rainbow Dash was not there.
“Come on, Fluttershy, I’m not done yet,” Rainbow Dash suddenly said behind her, making Fluttershy whimper even more. “Because this story has a best part too. And it’s…”
Fluttershy started crying. The crying made Rainbow Dash stop the story.
“Fluttershy?”
All Fluttershy could see was the absence of a silhouette Rainbow Dash among the presence of so many others as bullies. She sobbed under their laughters. The sharp pain she was feeling resonated along the rest of her body, biting away at her skin while her stomach felt hollow and empty. Words rang through her ears, dreadful words that told her coming along for this trip was a mistake.
“You refuse to believe something, you build inner regret, and the more your body will suffer.”
“Fluttershy!” Rainbow Dash started dragging Fluttershy out of the bushes. The very touch sent a sharp sting and she resisted, but Rainbow forced her to come out to look at her. “Fluttershy! What’s going on? You’ve never been this scared of my stories before.”
Fluttershy was more than afraid. She was terrified as the tears poured down from her eyes. One look in Rainbow’s eyes made her feel like her stomach was being sucked away, so she looked away from them once again. Many thoughts kept flowing along her mind all at once, but one in particular kept forcing itself in.
“Y-y-you’re n-not ther-r-re…” Fluttershy barely managed out through her sobs.
“...Huh?” Rainbow asked with a raised brow.
“T-those silhouettes… you’re not there!” Fluttershy started crying in agony again.
“Fluttershy! Take it easy!” Rainbow Dash started shaking her, making the sobbing stop before it went out of control. “I’m not the silhouette. I never said I was.”
Fluttershy continued to shiver in Rainbow’s grip. “I-in my dreams, you are.” That comment softened Rainbow Dash’s look as she released Fluttershy from her grip. “Ever since this problem of mine started, I-I’ve been having these dreams. In these dreams… you’re in it, b-but… as a silhouette.”
Rainbow Dash let out a small gasp and gave her some space. “Every time you appeared… you comforted me. You made me feel safe. B-but… this time… you weren’t there.” Fluttershy stuttered a yelping gasp as more sobs were about to commence. “Everypony was laughing! But you weren’t there! They were hurting me and you weren’t there! You were-”
“Stop it, Fluttershy!” Rainbow Dash interrupted, then softened her tone. “It was just a story. It’s not real.”
Fluttershy cringed at the response. “I-It felt so… real…”
Rainbow groaned. “Dang it, Fluttershy! Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been having these dreams?”
”Why didn’t you tell me?” Those words repeated in Fluttershy’s head.
“If you had told me you’ve been having dreams like that, I wouldn’t have told such a scary story.”
A stuttered gasp escaped Fluttershy. For a second, she looked into Rainbow Dash’s eyes again. But the same results were met. The very sight of them made it felt like her soul was being sucked away. She squeezed her eyes at the thought of such similarities coming to pass.
“I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash!” Fluttershy whined out regrettingly. “I never should’ve came with you on this trip! I’m a terrible, terrible-”
“What are you talking about?” Rainbow interrupted. “I wanted you to come on this trip, remember?”
Fluttershy shook her head. “No. I asked to come so that I could spend some more time with you. But all I’ve done is slow you down and make you mad. Why did I ever-”
“Whoa, whoa, when was I mad at you? You never did anything wrong.”
Fluttershy hiccuped. “I-I called you… the worst bandit ever.”
Rainbow’s eyes flicked at the remark. “No you didn’t. You said I was…” She trailed off. Fluttershy could only hiccup more whimpers as Rainbow Dash’s expression continuously changed. But when it stopped, it was a calm, yet wide eyed expression of realization.
“Fluttershy-”
“I should leave right now,” Fluttershy interrupted and started turning. “If I leave, I won’t keep doing things to make you mad, and you can get your-” as Fluttershy was making her leave, Rainbow Dash grabbed her.
“Fluttershy! I was never mad at you!” Fluttershy’s sudden turn to face Rainbow Dash startled her, but Rainbow turned slightly away and corrected herself. “Well, maybe I was a little disappointed and frustrated, but I was never mad at you.”
The sight of Rainbow’s eyes frightened Fluttershy into looking down again. She tried to respond, but couldn’t find herself to do so and only managed a stutter.
“When you called me that, I wasn’t mad because of what you said. I was just…” Rainbow trailed off and looked away with a grunt. After squeezing her eyes, she looked back to Fluttershy. “It was something else.”
It was silent for a few seconds. Fluttershy could feel her heart beat at the tense situation. But with how she was held, she couldn’t use a hoof to keep it steady. “W-what do you mean?” she asked. “H-how were you not angry, after…”
All Fluttershy wanted to know was what was on Rainbow’s mind. And it looked like Rainbow wanted to speak her mind, but she struggled so hard to do so.
“Fluttershy… look at me,” Rainbow suddenly said. “Do I look like I’m mad at you?”
Fluttershy was shaking now. Everytime she looked at Rainbow Dash’s eyes, she could feel her soul being sucked away. It frightened her to the core, and she just couldn’t bring herself to do it.
“I-I… can’t…” But as Fluttershy was speaking, her head was tilted upwards by a hoof.
“Please, tell me, Fluttershy.”
As she gazed at those deep magenta eyes, her voice jittered. Her stomach felt like it was being sucked into a black hole as her heart rate increased three fold in both speed and pressure. Rainbow Dash didn’t look mad, but the effects of those eyes made Fluttershy squeeze her own while her body strained in itchy heat.
“Are you scared of me?”
Another massive shudder escaped Fluttershy’s body. To hear that phrase was unacceptable in her own heart. She couldn’t bare the fact that she was scared of one of her friends, let alone one of her closest. Yet… she couldn’t even look her in the eye.
“N-no…” Fluttershy said with all the shakiness and fear that being scared would show.
“Then please, look at me,” Rainbow continued, moving Fluttershy’s head towards her own with a hoof. “And tell me, how do you feel?”
Despite the fear in Fluttershy’s heart, she complied, but very slowly. With all the bullies she had suffered from in flight school, and the monsters she had faced with her close friends in her adventures, being scared of one of her closest friends was like living in a world with no purpose. Sure she may have been startled by them from time to time, and Rainbow Dash was no exception. But to be scared of them on a regular basis-
As Fluttershy gazed in those deep eyes, the world around her collapsed. It was like how she had been feeling with her animals lately. She didn’t have any reason to be scared of them, yet she has been lately. The tingle spread across every fiber of her body. As much as she wanted to break out of this grip Rainbow had her in, she couldn’t bring herself to do so.
Those eyes, they sucked her soul into an endless void. She squeaked and whimpered as more pressure built against her stomach and heart. Not even her eyelids would close properly.
Every time Rainbow Dash blinked, she blinked. And in the split second of every blink, she could feel nothing. But for the duration their eyes stayed open, she felt everything.
The more she traversed this endless void of space, the more painful it got, yet she couldn’t look away. Those eyes. Her eyes. A sharp needle formed above their pupils, and they started pushing down on them, forcing the black orbs to squish.
The piercing agitated her nerves to nearly wanting to pinch her coat and skin off. Her whimpering was on the verge of breaking out into a cry. Eventually she saw Rainbow Dash’s form in the center of this endless void. She could practically feel the needles piercing into her own eyes as her body was being forcibly drawn to Rainbow.
The closer she got, the warmer it got. The farther she went, the faster the tingle spread. The more painful it got, the more she would resist. But resistance provided nothing. Her body continued closer, and those needles pressed harder.
And then suddenly, she reached Rainbow Dash’s lips in the image. The needles pierced through, and their pupils formed a heart. The pain had ceased, and her body was blown out of the void.
Fluttershy’s eyes grew wide as she finally understood what she was feeling. The realization struck her like a lightning bolt in a hurricane storm. Rainbow’s grip was released, and all Fluttershy could do was pant as her fear increased at such a breathtaking discovery.
“N-no…” Both Fluttershy’s breath and voice pitched to high levels. “B-but, h-how…”
“Fluttershy.” Rainbow Dash attempted to move a hoof to Fluttershy, but stopped as Fluttershy’s body tensed while her lips quivered rapidly.
“Y-you’re, a mare,” Fluttershy said with the most quaking fear in her voice. “A-and, I’m… a mare. H-how can I be-”
“Fluttershy, please, get a hold of yourself.”
“How can I stay calm?!” Fluttershy started hyperventilating. It felt like ants were biting all over her body while it continuously heated up. “There is something wrong with me! I can’t be feeling this way! I-I can’t- ugh!” She braced her chest with her hooves as her heart pounded to painful levels against her chest. The heavy breathing in her voice made it difficult to speak.
“Fluttershy-”
“I should’ve listened to what Nurse Redheart said!” Fluttershy squeezed her eyes as the dreadful words echoed throughout her mind. “I never should’ve came with you! I knew there was something wrong with me and I chose to ignore it. Now I feel something so… so… mph!”
Fluttershy words were silenced as something covered up her lips. Her eyes flung open while her head was tilted back, seeing Rainbow Dash had pressed her own lips against hers.
In the moment of that kiss, Fluttershy’s heart slowed down, and her shaking body had halted. Her forelegs held limp in the air. She wanted to push herself away, but couldn’t find herself to do so.
The slight taste of Rainbow Dash’s lips pressed against her own released her mind in a bliss. The sight of Rainbow’s eyes looking into her own no longer gave her fear, but rather comfort. Her lips still quivered, but were held with care in the kiss.
Rainbow Dash soon pulled away, leaving Fluttershy to bend over slightly while her body resumed shivering, but much lighter. A silent, yet blissful gasp escaped Fluttershy’s lips. In a bold move, Rainbow Dash had eased Fluttershy’s mind and body with a simple kiss.
“Fluttershy, please don’t do this,” Rainbow Dash said with sadness in her voice. “If there is something wrong with you, then there’s something wrong with me too.” She looked away for a few seconds to think her words over. “It doesn’t have to be wrong… just…” Rainbow Dash stopped with a sigh, unable to speak clearly.
Fluttershy just sat there, taking steady breaths. The taste of Rainbow’s lips still lingered on. It was faint, but there was something more about that taste that was pleasurable to her. She couldn’t believe she was thinking like this. As she was moving her forelegs back down, she subconsciously licked around her own lips in a slow and circular motion.
But the second she did, she found her forelegs being stopped under by Rainbow’s. Rainbow Dash pressed her hooves against her sides just above her wings, rubbing them in a gentle but firm grasp.
It surprised Fluttershy at first, but the strong motion shortly melted her tension. The wave of pleasure that coursed through her body caused her wings to start unfurling themselves, only to be halted by those same hooves. Fluttershy made another small gasp at the motion and saw Rainbow’s worried face. It was like Rainbow was speaking through her motions, because she couldn’t talk them out herself.
After Fluttershy’s wings were placed back to her sides, the motion continued. She could no longer keep her eyes open as those hooves practically rubbed against bone, shifting the skin underneath the coat around.
More pressure was applied as Fluttershy felt her body being lifted. The pressure and comfort caused her to coo in delight. It didn’t take long before her hind legs left the surface, dangling while her body continued to climb in both altitude and pleasure. Her wings started unfurling again, only to be stopped by those hooves again and placed to her side.
Each time her wings unfurled, they would be stopped, closed back by Rainbow’s hooves, and then the rubbing would continue. Each time her wings were closed back, more pressure was applied. The sudden swift motions often tickled a bit as the pressure changed positions. Rainbow was carrying them both with her own wings, past the trees that concealed them and free into the night sky.
Although in her mind, Fluttershy knew she was being carried high in the sky with no use of her wings, she felt no fear of the height. Her moans only contained the pleasure that she was feeling from Rainbow Dash right now. Her hind legs even stopped dangling from trying to find land. Her body would often twitch at the tickles, but kept relaxed in the embrace.
Before she realized she was subconsciously licking her lips again, she found her lips covered again by another pair of lips. Just about the same time, she found her hind legs hitting against a soft surface while the pressure around her sides softened substantially. Her body was being laid on her back, making her head meet with a cloud surface as she was pressed deep into that kiss once again.
She felt Rainbow’s tongue press between and through her lips, moving inside and searching around. Soon Rainbow’s tongue met with Fluttershy’s. As they rubbed against each other, Fluttershy noticed that taste. It was the same taste she had with those marshmallows. In fact, the same passion was present as well. The way Rainbow’s tongue pressed and mashed against her own tongue filled a tasteful bliss that could only be described as a relaxing delicacy.
Fluttershy realized that taste must’ve came from the marshmallow she burned and threw in the air after her scare of Rainbow Dash’s story. Now that marshmallow came back, and used Rainbow’s tongue as not only a source of delivery, but also the added blissful taste that only a kiss could provide.
Her graceful moans were being muffled by Rainbow Dash’s mouth in that kiss. And yet, her mind filled with hurt. But her heart filled with comfort. Why was she feeling this way? She was being kissed by another mare. She believed it was wrong, yet she felt nothing bad about it.
Fluttershy was losing control again. Tears of both bliss and pain started welling through her closed eyes. Her heart told her to focus on just the movements of that tongue. Rainbow’s tongue circled around her tongue, pressing the sides, and even underneath, providing even more of that delicious and blissful taste.
But as much as her heart told her to focus on the kiss, she could only listen to the part of her mind that was telling her this was somehow wrong. And when the kiss ended, all she felt was the pain.
Rainbow Dash pulled her tongue back, letting it slide between Fluttershy’s lips while pressing her own lips further. As her tongue retreated, she let her lips smooch one last time before the kiss was separated.
Fluttershy could breath again, but despite all the pleasure that kiss held, her heart ached with the pain her mind was bringing. The tears in her eyes wouldn’t stop welling as her vision lost itself in that void she imagined was Rainbow’s eyes.
”Fluttershy.” She could barely hear that pained voice coming from Rainbow Dash, but she couldn’t find the energy to respond. All she could do was heave and pant, not even attempting to wipe the tears from her eyes.
”Fluttershy!” the voice spoke again, and still, she couldn’t respond.
Soon her ears were filled with a ruffling sound while her visions got darker. She started curling herself as the visions in her mind filled her sight. What they had just did together was wrong, yet she had enjoyed it. And she made no attempt to stop it from happening. It was as if something in her heart was telling her it was never wrong in the first place.
Soon the cloud she was laying on started making noise, and became a bit soggy. But as she felt the cloud start to move, one word played in her mind that chilled her to the bone. One word that was making her believe it really was wrong.
”Fillyfooler!”
It wasn’t the tone or the word itself that brought fear into her mind. It was the voice itself. She had been tormented by the bullies’ voices all throughout her fillyhood. Which was why this one scared her more than any other voice. Because this voice, it didn’t come from any filly or colt.
That voice, came from a teacher.
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5697705
Alright here we go.
I was hoping to learn more on RD, but this is interesting too. To say that Fluttershy has issues is an understatement. What a mess. They finally show how they feel, and FS is shutting down because its been drilled into her that it's wrong? That's so sad. Then again, the title of the story now starts to make sense. Oh dear...
Also, poor RD. She finally takes the leap, and FS is reacting so weirdly. She doesn't fight back, but she's crying and clearly unhappy. How would that make RD feel? Pretty terrible I'd wager. Heck, she might even think she forced herself on FS. When they are alone in the woods and FS is clearly scared. I'd imagine her goal was to put FS at ease, but that's backfiring.
On a different note. I had a fair bit of trouble following what was going on in this chapter at times. I mean, if I take a step back and look at the overall picture I get what is happening , but the details puzzle me. Like the stuff about the void and eyes.
5868801
Yeah, sorry that didn't come in this chapter like I was saying it would. Hopefully the next 2 chapters will, but that depends.
I would say something about this, but I'm still debating as to how I would tell it in the story. I'll just say, there's something about Fluttershy's mind canonically that baffles me.
All their feels will be shown in the next 2 chapters. I really wish I could get them done faster without messing up the story.
In Rainbow Dash's eyes, Fluttershy sees herself traversing it like she was swimming through water. The visions she sees are both herself and the void, like in one eye, she sees herself like looking in a mirror, but the other, she sees the void itself. Not sure how to explain it other than seeing pictures in your mind while your eyes are open. It's hard to focus on both, but you see both of them at the same time.