September
(A fan-fiction based on the song by TheLivingTombstone)
The day was August 29th, and it was a normal sunny, autumn day in Ponyville, and everypony was doing what they normally would do, Twilight was in her library studying, Rainbow Dash was sleeping on a cloud, Applejack was bucking apples off trees, Rarity was making dresses, Pinkie Pie was watching the Cake twins, and Fluttershy was tending to animals, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were still trying to get their marks. While everypony else was outside or doing a job, there was one pony that stayed inside a dark, gloomy building, that was branded with danger and warning signs. Applebloom looked at the building.
“Hey girls, I got an idea!” Applebloom said,
“What is it?” Scootaloo said,
“How about we go and investigate that building to see if we get a investigator cutie mark!” said Applebloom
“What building?” Sweetie Belle asked, and Applebloom pointed to the gloomy building,
“They say that place is haunted…” Scootaloo said,
“I hear there is a creep lurking in there… Just waiting for somepony to walk by so he can snatch the unlucky one up…” Sweetie Belle added
“Those are just rumors! Remember what everypony said about Zecora? Those weren’t true!” Applebloom replied,
“That is right!” said Sweetie Belle
“Well, what are we waiting for then? Let’s go!” Scootaloo said with a cocky grin.
As the three fillies went near the building, Twilight walked out of her library, and saw them.
“What are you three doing? Get away from there!” she said, as the three turned around
“We were going to check out the building… We wanted to know if the rumors are true.“ Sweetie Belle replied, and Twilight just looked at the three angrily.
“Sweetie Belle, come with me, you to Scootaloo and Applebloom.” The three walked to her nervously, and Applebloom spoke up
“What’s going to happen?”
“I am going to tell Applejack and Rarity, and Rainbow Dash will know to Scootaloo, you know not to go near there!” Twilight responded, as she turns to walk away with the three.
One hour later after she had told the other three, Twilight was walking back home when she looked at the building, and started to wonder what, or who was in there, and curiosity got the best of her. She walked towards the building, but turned away, and went back inside her house and looked for Spike.
“Spike, where are you?” The purple baby dragon walked downstairs and looked at her
“What’s up?” He asked
“I need you to watch the library for a while… I am not sure how long I’ll be gone, or if I’ll even come back… But just keep watch here, ok?” The dragon looked confused
“Where are you going? Why wont you come back? Can I come?” The purple pony sighed
“I am going to check something out, I might come back, and no you can’t I need somepony to watch here.” Spike looked at her with concern
“Ok… If you don’t come back, what should I tell the others?” Twilight almost out the door
“Tell them to never go near the dark building.” Spike ran to her
“No! You can’t go there! Don’t you know what they say about the building?” Twilight nodded, and hugged him tight. “Remember what I told you to tell them.” A tear dropped from Spike’s eye, as he knew the possibility of his long time friend dying.
As the purple unicorn walked out of her library, and locked the door, she walked towards the building nervously, and said to herself
“Just keep calm… Whoever is in there might not be that bad…” She gulped, and peeked her head in as she saw a pony with what looked like a brown and red mane and tail, and in front of the pony was something huge… Out of this world, it didn’t seem possible, but she knew what it was… It was a nuclear bomb. She kept silent, as the pony talked
“It’s done… It’s finally done!” The pony laughed insanely, and Twilight put her hoof over her mouth with the thought of the pony using it, she quickly ran out of there, and ran into Ponyville panicking, as she tried to get everypony’s attention “Everypony, run as far away from here as possible! It’s not safe!” Everypony looked at her and gathered around
“What do you mean darling?” Rarity asked
“Yeah sugarcube, what’s this about?” Applejack asked
“The building, I went into it, there was a pony… He was building a giant bomb! I think he is going to actually use it!” Everypony laughed
“Oh come now Twilight, you expect us to believe you just went in there after stopping Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Applebloom?” Rarity asked
“It’s true I did! Ask Spike!” She ran, unlocked the door, and told Spike to tell them exactly what she told him to say
“She said if she didn’t come back, to tell you to never go near the building…” Spike said, and walked back to the library.
Two days later, it was September first, Twilight still panicking
“Nopony believes me… Spike, if they wont go, we should at least.” Spike shook his head
“Twilight, even if what you saw was true, how would that pony manage to use it?” She thought for a while
“A… Button possibly?” Spike sighed, and walked back upstairs, and there was a loud crash coming from outside, it was the building, everypony including Twilight, walked to check it out, the ceiling had collapsed, the bomb exposed.
“Everypony look! I told you!” Everypony gasped at the sight, and a pony just shouted out
“Stop him! He’s trying to kill us all! Stop him!” The blue manned pony yelled back
“No! No… I’m going to save you… I’m going to save you all! Don’t you try to stop me!” Big Mac stepped up and walked near him with intention to stop him
“Get away from me…” The pony mumbled
“This is your redemption day everypony! Go away from me! Get away from me!” He chuckled
“Go away!” He laughed insane like again
“You can’t touch me now! You see this button here?” He pointed to the detonator
“I’m gonna press it!” He presses the button, the nuke launches to the air, and starts to fall downward, everypony now ran for their live, but to no avail, the nuke hit killing almost everypony.
Two weeks later, the blue and red manned pony, now covered in dust and some blood got up, with major memory loss, and only spoke a few words
“I can’t remember… What’s happened in September…” As he started to walk around, he slowly regained consciousness as to what had happened
“I’ve regained… A small memory… Came to my head, just like that suddenly… I think I’ve gotten a clue… Something tells me this is worse then what I knew…” He talked to himself, and all he could see was a pony going insane with Big Mac stepping up, he then remembered that the pony was him.
“I just remembered, what happened in September… I’m the one who killed them all, I survived after the fall!”
Authors Note: This is the very first fan fiction I ever attempted to wright. It was based off of the song that Tombstone had made, and the inspiration came from how the song did have a story, and how Rainbow Factory was good enough to be made a story. I’d like to thank all who helped me actually start to write this. I will write more (Possibly, if y’all liked this) in the future. ‘Til then! –Drum
UPDATE NOTE: I decided to do a little editing here, and re-paragraph things. Please tell me if I did that right, I wanna know! And, I am working on the extended ending, which has detail, i'll add it as an extra chapter.
OH god, dat wall of text.
470693 Sorry, t'was the first fiction I ever wrote D:
470698
Its okay.
It wasn't bad, but i felt it was a little short. There needed to be (I feel) a tad more detail. Overall though, not bad for a first attempt at a fanfic.
SADT;DR (Someone already did this; didn't read )
The ending "and all he could see was a pony going insane with Big Mac stepping up, he then remembered that the pony was him"
That is kind of... weird. You say the pony at the end has a red and blue mane (Which is Tombstone), but the one who was creating the nuke had a red and brown mane (Which is Mic The Mic). How could it be him?
Don't get me wrong, the story is good, but yeah.
and >> iloveportalz0r somebody did this in a different way. This portrays what happened BEFORE the explosion, but the other September stories portray what's going through the guys mind while wandering through Ponyville (or whatever town the story says they are in)
To all, thanks for reviews. I tried my best, and I kinda realized the ending is a tad bad, and I feel I should change it, but... I dunno.
it was alright for a first try...its not as good as Aurora's Rainbow Factory. but if you keep working at it, its possible it could be
474213 Rainbow Factory, has go to be, and always will be, my favorite fan fic.
471956 Actually I said that she THOUGHT she saw that.
Okay good, you fixed the paragraphs. Sorry for bothering you about that on Ponysquare. I'm a bit of a grammar nazi. But yea, still think it's a great story for a first try. keep up the good work, my friend!
Dare to be Different, Carpe Diem, and Live Life to the Fullest! /)(\
476357 I don't mind it, it was bothering me after I just read three fictions at my school, more of a reason to change it.
476372 That's cool. Just glad to know it didn't bother you.
Dare to be Different, Carpe Diem, and Live Life to the Fullest! /)(\
O my fucking GOD..........25 kill streak awored tactile nukehahahaha....HAHAHAHA...IM GOING TO SAVE U ALL DONT U TRY AND STOP ME
Just for the record... Big Mac wasint the pony that tried to stop him. It was anther scientist
Rushed, sugarcube?