What Happened Last Night!?

by DemonBrightSpirit

I am Not a Cartoon!

Here, in this pony bakery, I had cell service! I even had data! In a flash I had it unlocked and dialing Sam.

"Jenny! Jenny are you there!?"

"Sam! Thank goodness!" I practically shouted into my phone.

"Just, hurry up and tell me where you are! I've been calling around to all the hospitals and no one has seen you!"

I shook my head. "No-that's… listen, I'm not in a mental ward. That was me being delusional."

"Where are you!?" he snapped back at me.

"I... don't know. This is, ah... I wasn't kidding about the talking ponies. They're everywhere. They've built a whole society here and—"

"You're talking nonsense!"

"I know!" I bit back. "What else can I do? This is what I'm seeing, and I'm pretty sure I'm not crazy!"

"No! You sound crazy!" Sam retorted. "I just… Oh! I know! Video chat! I can find you that way!"

"Don't hang up on me!" I shouted. No reply. He already hung up. A moment later, and Sam came up again, this time requesting a video chat. I accepted, of course. And there it was. His stupid grey eyes and sandy hair. That sloppy goatee accenting his long, narrow face. "Damn it, Sam! I don't have a lot of battery left, and I'm pretty sure when it's gone, it's gone for good!"

His face looked confused. "Jen? Are you kidding me? Is this some kind of joke!?"

"What? No, it's not a joke! Why would I joke about this?" I argued. "I want to get home just as much as you want me home! More even!"

"You're a cartoon!" he asserted, gesturing a hand towards the screen.

"I am not a cartoon! Now you're the one talking crazy!" I twirled a finger around my ear. "Just, here!" I raised the phone up, panning it across the bakery. After waving it around for a few seconds, I took it back. "There, did you see anything? Can you figure out where I am?"

"You. Are in. A cartoon!" he shouted at me. "You are a cartoon! How are you doing that? That's impossible!"

"You're insane! This isn't a cartoon!" I asserted. I looked to my hand before holding it up to the phone. "See! Look, normal, not-cartoon hand!"

"It looks like a cartoon hand!"

A clattering drew my attention back to the table. There, that portly pony had set down a platter with my muffin and drink. "Here! Look at this talky horse-thing," I said, putting the phone's camera on Cup Cake. "It's not a cartoon. It's got hair, and teeth, and honestly, they're all a little scary."

"Oh, now you don't need to worry," Cup Cake assured. "The ponies here in Ponyville are some of the friendliest ponies you'll ever meet."

"It's a cartoon," Sam said. His eyes were wide and he kept touching his face. "This, there's no way you can make a cartoon like this in real-time. But you're replying to me and the audio matches the video perfectly. This is... impossible!"

"Look, I can see me in the little corner here and... and my makeup looks like shit. But! It's me, not a cartoon!" I argued pointing uselessly at my screen. "And look!" I said, taking a deep breath in and out. "Breathing! Cartoons don't breathe!"

I watched Sam sigh and run a hand through his hair. "Look, this isn't getting us anywhere. Is there any other way we can figure out where you are?"

I shook my head. "I don't know. You're the smart one! Think of something!"

"Just, just give me a minute!"

"Ugh! Look, my phone doesn't have much battery left, and I'm pretty sure I'm never going to find a charger here. Whatever ingenious plan you've got to get me home, you'd better come up with it, quick!"

"Ah! Got it! Your phone's working. Just get on your maps and your GPS will tell you where you are. Call me back when you find out," he urged.

"Okay! Good plan!" I agreed, nodding. "I'll call back in a minute."

I hung up as I grabbed the muffin and took a bite. I hadn't even realized how hungry I was. Scarfing it down, I opened up my map app. I got an error message. Apparently, my phone wasn't connected to GPS. I fiddled with the settings for several minutes as I finished my plate, but I couldn't get my phone to pick up GPS at all.

Just as I was about to call Sam back with the bad news, a raucous voice addressed me, "Hoo-eey! If'n it ain't the human Pinkie found." An orange pony in a cowboy hat walked by me, setting a few boxes on the counter. As Cup Cake took the boxes behind the counter and gave coins to her, she turned to me again. "Name's Applejack, nice to meet'cha!"

"Uh, Jenny," I replied, wiping the crumbs from my mouth. "Your accent, are you from the south?"

She cocked an eyebrow, shaking her head. "Naw, Sweet Apple Acres is west of Ponyville. And as far as my talkin' goes, all us Apples have the same way of speakin'." Walking around me, she eyed me like some freak of nature. "It's really like Twilight said," she muttered before looking back up. "Do yah really walk on jus' two legs?"

"This is really the first time you've ever seen a... well, a human?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course! Twi's the only one to ever see a human. Well, her an' Spike," Applejack replied.

"You've never seen one, but you've heard of them, right?" I said, speaking my thoughts aloud as I put the pieces of the puzzle together. "So where do they come from? Where are all the other humans?"

She tilted her head to the side a bit before snapping back. "Well, they come from that other world, I reckon."

"What other world? How do I get there?"

"I don't know, sugarcube," Applejack said, shaking her head. "Ask Twilight. She'd know."

Useless, I bitterly thought as the orange pony left. Grabbing my phone, I dialed Sam again. "It didn't work!" I blurted out as soon as he picked up.

"Whoa, slow down," he said. "What do you mean?"

"My GPS isn't working! I don't know what the hell's wrong with it!" I yelled at him. "My phone's gonna die soon! What am I supposed to do!?"

"Calm down!" he practically shouted in my ear.

"Don't yell at me!" I snapped back.

His exasperated sigh on the other end nearly made me hang up on him. "Fine," he spat, "just, look. I have a friend whose better at this sort of thing than me. I'm going to get him to come here and try to… I don't know. Triangulate your signal or something."

"What? You know what, fine! I don't care," I told him. "Just get me home."

"No, I'm going to figure out where you are so I can banish my enemies there."

I pulled the phone away from my ear. "Just… Shut up and call your friend!" I hung up on him with extreme prejudice.

"I swear, if I get ever get back I'm going to kill him."

Comments

[Lag Incarnate]

No, I'm going to figure out where you are so I can banish my enemies there.

I like how this guy thinks.

[MoltenXKid]

banished to ponyville? Let me become that guy's enemy

[NobleValor]

If she's a cartoon, does she have cartoon physics like they do? (If she were to run into a tree full speed, could she just shake it off?) EXPERIMENT TIME!