"So where is this place DeathWish" Infinite asking impatiently.
Infinite a eccentric Pegasus pony with spiked mess of a mane and tail that are completely black in the middle with purple lining on the outside, his skin colour is orange, his eye colour being bright red, he wears a bright white bandana. His cutie mark being a sword encased in black and red flames.
"Just up the road, shouldn't be to far now" says DeathWish confidently.
DeathWish is a small Pegasus pony with dark blue skin, a mane and tail black with a purple stripe going down the middle at the tip of each hair having orange, his eye colour is cyan. He has chains across his chest to hold a special family sword his cutie mark being a skull with wings.
" why you so impatient" Heavy Metal asks curiously.
Heavy Metal is a alicorn with ocean blue skin, purple mane and tail with the black showing in the middle and creeping out, his eye colour being a golden colour.He is constantly carrying a electric guitar shaped as flames surrounded by his black magical aura. His cutie mark is a electric guitar behind it is a book that reads "The book of heavy metal"
"Come on Metal you got to be a little bit excited, just imagine all the pony's to throw parties for." Infinite slowly getting happier with each word.
"Yeah I'm happy but I don't think Solar is" Heavy Metal says turning to look at SolarFlash hiding behind him.
Before Heavy Metal could say anything DeathWish interrupted "Right there is are destination Ponyville"
"Finally" moaned Infinite as those words where said he was gone in a instance.
"well he's gone" SolarFlash said hoping he was as well,
DeathWish sighed "Well we might as well get something to eat there's a bakery that sells amazing cupcakes"
Heavy Metal laughed "Knowing him he's all ready there"
SolarFlash muttered " I hope there's no welcoming committee to greet us"
Ok first
img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130815124007/transformers-legends/images/c/c4/Triple-facepalm.jpg
I cannot begin to tell you how many writing errors I saw in a measly three hundred words. First of all you don't capitalize pegasus. I think I may just PM you the edited version so I don't take half an hour typing the errors and plot mistakes in this first chapter.
So I'll mostly be typing the mistakes you made just in this chapter,
First is that one of them is an ALICORN. Don't ever do that, it's not right and I cannot begin on how many people will dislike it just because of that. Two is you don't put DeathWish it's Deathwish or Death Wish. Third, have you ever heard of spell check? It's this magical thing that let's you know if you're doing it wrong, obviously you turned it off or completly ignored it thinking "I don't need it that's for amateur writers." Fourth, three hundred words! No...just..NO. I see this to much in new books where they make a few hundred words per chapter. have about twenty of them and it turns out to be a few thousand words total.
I'm not sure if you're going to cancel this,rewrite it or think of a new story, but I'll be glad to look over anything you might have.
Till the next one
-R
4714479
1.Love the picture.
2.Alicorn thing I will correct.
3.The names gonna correct as well.
4.The capitalisation thing comes from spell check it corrects me when I'm not looking.
5.The 300 hundreds is so you know what they look like.
And spell check I use frequently because of my dyslexia
Much appreciated for your wise words of advice