This is about how a vampony, Melody Sweetblood , finds herself lonely in a world she doesn't know and finds a friend in the midst of it all. Will this couple be able to hide her secret? let's find out, shall we?
Since the story wasn't on hiatus anymore, i decided t begin reading it.
And unfortunately, even if it seems interesting I can't read more than this. To be honest, I didn't even read until the end of the chapter. Why? Because the change of point of view every paragraph makes it very, very, very hard to read.
I don't really have a problem with the change of POV in itself, but the story and the chapters are also very fast paced. Changing POV from time to time, it's okay, but here it's like trying to stare at a ping-pong ball during an ace match.
Apparently, it was edited and entirely re-written. I don't know if it's a good thing. If it is I don't want to know how it was before, because they are some mistakes here and there.
And I won't say anything on the first chapter since it seems to be a delicate subject.
You are an author and want to write what you want and how you want ? Fine by me. But remember that you don't write for yourself but your readers (or there is no point in publishing it), so don't take it wrong, but please make a minimum of effort to make it enjoyable to read.
You could add more details for example. I understood it was London because of the ferris wheel. With the bridge and clock tower it could have been any city in the world with a river and a belfry. You could have described Big Ben and the London bridge with more details. I mean, they are unique, if we can see what they are, we can understand more easily where she is.
Another point. Eli doesn't know where she is, it's normal. You describe London by it's landmarks. You could have keep it like this. No need for Sehrah POV saying she's in London and going where Eli is.
Eli trie to see the city, she hear a noise behind her, lose her balance fall, Serah help her. And when she regain consiousness, Serah explain to her that they are in London, confirming what the reader guessed by the monuments description.
Seriously, I'm sure it's interesting, but after one chapter and half I don't even want to try and find out if it's true.
Don't just listen to people saying it's great wonderful and magnificent....
How is it great, wonderful and magnificent. I'd really like to agree, but I can't since I can't even read it!
All critics aren't trolls or haters. A critic is supposed to point the flaws to help you improve them. How saying 'it's good' help you to improve ?
5483284 I do appreciate your criticism and have taken all points into consideration and after a 7 year haitus I have published an unedited half of a new chapter and would like to hear your opinion of it
GOD Éclair, this chapter is so beautiful, please do pray tell how you got the inspiration to get all of this?
4640877 really, a down vote, the hell did i do to get that
Since the story wasn't on hiatus anymore, i decided t begin reading it.
And unfortunately, even if it seems interesting I can't read more than this. To be honest, I didn't even read until the end of the chapter.
Why? Because the change of point of view every paragraph makes it very, very, very hard to read.
I don't really have a problem with the change of POV in itself, but the story and the chapters are also very fast paced. Changing POV from time to time, it's okay, but here it's like trying to stare at a ping-pong ball during an ace match.
Apparently, it was edited and entirely re-written. I don't know if it's a good thing. If it is I don't want to know how it was before, because they are some mistakes here and there.
And I won't say anything on the first chapter since it seems to be a delicate subject.
You are an author and want to write what you want and how you want ?
Fine by me. But remember that you don't write for yourself but your readers (or there is no point in publishing it), so don't take it wrong, but please make a minimum of effort to make it enjoyable to read.
You could add more details for example. I understood it was London because of the ferris wheel. With the bridge and clock tower it could have been any city in the world with a river and a belfry. You could have described Big Ben and the London bridge with more details. I mean, they are unique, if we can see what they are, we can understand more easily where she is.
Another point. Eli doesn't know where she is, it's normal. You describe London by it's landmarks. You could have keep it like this. No need for Sehrah POV saying she's in London and going where Eli is.
Eli trie to see the city, she hear a noise behind her, lose her balance fall, Serah help her. And when she regain consiousness, Serah explain to her that they are in London, confirming what the reader guessed by the monuments description.
Seriously, I'm sure it's interesting, but after one chapter and half I don't even want to try and find out if it's true.
Don't just listen to people saying it's great wonderful and magnificent....
How is it great, wonderful and magnificent. I'd really like to agree, but I can't since I can't even read it!
All critics aren't trolls or haters. A critic is supposed to point the flaws to help you improve them.
How saying 'it's good' help you to improve ?
5483284
I do appreciate your criticism and have taken all points into consideration and after a 7 year haitus I have published an unedited half of a new chapter and would like to hear your opinion of it