Odd one out

by FluttershyBeingDom

Difference

How could one explain themselves as being different without coming out as appearing to be unrelatable? Perhaps seen as inferior as well, as I cannot change into exact replicas of ponies. Whatever, it is what it is.

One day when I was a foal in the hive, we were old enough to start being tested for our transformation ability. I didn't really think much of it at the time, I just thought it'd be like a bunch of ponies my age hanging out and displaying our abilities. Just, I didn't expect to be any different. Sure I looked different. But I didn't really notice until that day.

We all gathered in line, a little nervous, a little excited. I was about two fifths down the line. Then our instructor cast a spell on the cave wall, showing us over ponyville, then it zoomed in on a stray pony. She had dandelions smiling on her flank, she was purple and had a pink mane and was smiling going about her day outdoors, she was a filly at the time too, walking in front of her parents happily. Outdoors, I wondered what it was like outside of the hive. It seemed brighter, and had more colors, I sort of liked what I saw.

Soon the instructor asked the first in line to transform into her. I thought, is that possible? After a few attempts the first colt changeling succeeded. More successes followed after several attempts usually. It seemed they all had a knack for it. I wondered if I would too, I never really noticed how different I was. I didn't notice my legs had black hooves, lacked holes, and my horn was much more unicorn like. I especially didn't notice because everyone kept changing into whichever pony they saw in the spell, having a swell time.

Soon the instructor was looking to me expectantly. I saw several ponies in the spell, but decided to aim to transform into one roughly my age. Maybe I should transform into a girl, it being a little taboo almost like saying a bad word and getting away with it made it seem appealing, I did wonder about girls occassionally. I simply remembered back to the filly with the smiling flowers cutie mark. Closing my eyes I focused, my horn glowing green and a small flash of light later, I was me, except I was purple. I liked my partial success, but others found it amusing. The instructor then clarified I should try and change entirely into her.

Then I looked at the others who succeeded wondering what they did. Of course they felt her cheerfulness, each pony was unique with their body language, their feelings that we savored. But, somehow mine lacked feeling, I didn't know how to match my energy to hers. I smiled awkwardly, the instructor was a bit patient tho, others didn't always succeed on their first attempts, though usually it was them failing to show any change, before miraculously changing into an identical version of a pony.

I try again, but I never could match up my energies to hers like the others, and no matter how much the instructor repeated his instruction I failed to grasp it, so I just would imagine changing into her slowly while focusing on my horn, the other's horns seemed to be the source of their transformations after all.

As I closed my eyes to concentrate, my horn glowing again, my mind wandered slightly to the instructor, whom I had been last looking at, and soon looked like a purple foal version of the instructor, this time I had the normal changeling legs and horns which I normally didn't have. The instructor didn't look too amused, in fact started looking at me a little oddly, and whispered something to the other adults. I felt proud for succeeding at my little change however, but soon felt a bit gloomy as everyone else was looking identically to the other fillies in the spell. The instructor tells me to just keep practicing, and proceeds to the next in line.

I stand a little away from the group who had gone before me, to watch the rest of the line give it their attempts. I change back to normal to also compare myself to the others in that manner. My eye's pupils were rounder than theirs I noticed, for the ones who had pupils. Most of them didn't have any. My fangs less pronounced. My wings looked the most different however, and soon I felt ashamed, but figured since we are changelings hopefully they just think Im half transformed or something.

But the more I continued to look the more differences I continued to spot. None of their horns glowed when they would transform. If any of them failed, they failed to make any changes at all. My ears were definitely more pony-like as well I noticed, them soon dropping down. Why did I not notice these differences before, it was probably because I was young, they were mostly minor differences I thought. But no, I obviously looked more like a pony except my colors. I glance over at the caretaker a little nervous. Caretakers were normally in charge of keeping track of the young ones, since we were all offspring of the queen and she would be too busy to deal with us all on her own, but we always sought to gain her approval.

I know, I'll just try to transform into a pony no one saw before. One step at a time, I slowly changed my body to look even more pony-like, and changed my color and finally my mane. I tried to use colors very opposite of what we normally looked so I would stand out extra and hopefully get some approval. My mane was bright red, my coat very light orange, my eyes pink, female again. I'll make the horn longer too I decided.

The instructor did reapproach me, double checking the line's failures. The instructor was quick to make a face of confusion this time.
'Which pony did you see that looked like this?' I just opened my mouth not sure of what to say, taking in everypony else's expressions. The instructor had said it a little loudly and the others started to notice and muttered something about there only being three Alicorns. I blushed out of embarrassment and frustration. I quickly thought about lieing, then thought against it and just looked down saying I didn't see a pony like this.
'What is the point of transforming if you cannot disguise yourself? Can you at least get rid of your wings? Everypony knows Alicorns are rare.'

Frowning and glowing my horn, a flash of light later, and my wings were still there. Utterly dissappointed in me, and a little concerned at noticing the nature of my wings, the instructor said I would blow their cover instantly. 'The whole point of transforming is to disguise yourself, if you can't blend in then what is the point?' Then the other fillies seemed to quickly get the hint that I was well on my way to being a worthless failure, and soon chimed in similar remarks once the instructor left me to the next in line.

Shamefully and silently crying I held my head down not really moving. Soon I was forgotten for the evening.

Back at the hive's dormatories appeared two taller male foal changelings on my way to bed.
'Hey you were the one with the weird wings- ew, he sort of looks like a pony.' He says to the other. He walks closer up to me, as I frown angrily.
'Well, Pony, haha, if you really are like pony this actually gives me an idea! We can take the energy out of ponies to feed, after all, so I hope you won't deprive us of a snack?'
I instinctively charge after him with my horn pointed straight at his heart, but his friend tackles me first and kicks me with his front legs when I'm down knocking the air out of me.
I look up to see their slitted eyes glow over as some sort color emits out of me and they inhale it to feed. I almost instantly felt cold and alone, the expression on my face frowning deeper. One of my forelegs shook briefly.
'Hahaha look at him! So pathetic.'
'Looks like he won't be able to get himself to bed' The other one finally spoke, snickering. 'maybe we should put him to bed before anybody notices.' I knew he would be worried if it weren't for the boost my energy gave him. They perked right up when they fed on me. The opposite of how I felt. They might even feel cocky enough to just leave me here, he thought sadly.
'Yeah thats actually a good idea.' They are both smiling. How could they smile! How come they get to smile!? Tears well in my eyes.
'Heheh looks like he is going to cry.'
'Yeah, ya know what, we don't need to draw any attention to ourselves, lets just leave him here.' Totally called it.
'Yeah actually, lets get going then, and leave this pony to himself.'
They both just simply walk off. I am too tired to lift myself from the floor, and they are allowed to just walk off..? If I weren't so tired then I would already be wishing them harm, instead I just fell asleep on the spot after struggling briefly to get up.

That was fifteen years ago.

Comments

[FluttershyBeingDom]

The start to my first story. Hopefully I didn't make much grammar mistakes.

[FluttershyBeingDom]

I got a dislike. Um, maybe some criticism/pointers/advice?

[FFNend]

Hmm, there is something odd about your writing style. I mean i didnt even realize the characters gender until the last paragraph, though thqt might be more my fault than yours.

I believe that you've picked a difficult style when trying to combine a first person perspective and present tense, and you keep slipping into past tense making it difficult to follow the events of the story. You are also writing with a sparse but overly repetitious style. For example

They both just simply walk off. I am too tired to lift myself from the floor, and they are allowed to just walk off..? If I weren't so tired then I would already be wishing them harm, instead I just fell asleep on the spot after struggling briefly to get up.

You mention the others walking off twice using the same words ("just walk off") and repeat that the character is tired as well ("so tired" "too tired"). This means that the reader can easily lose their place when reading, the repitition starts to make reading feel like a chore, and you just threw away to reveal more about your character. A better example would be to change the way you reiterate statement by adding additional meaning and altering the words said.

They both turned their backs.on my quivering form and strolled away. There I was, lying prone on the ground, my body too tired to do anything more than hold my eyelids open, and they just leave me. If my body hadn't been screaming at me to rest, and ignoring my every tired demand for vengeance, then those two would have been taken down, but my mental anger quickly diapated as the darkness of sleep overtook me, sending me into a restless slumber.

Actually I'm not entirely happy with my attempt, but I'm getting tired of typing on a touch screen. Anyway its a decent start and interesting enough to make.me leave this long winded comment, so you've already managed the hardest part, you've gotten yourself an audience.

The best advice I can give, ironically, is to ignore any advice and focus on what you want to create.