Equuis To Calvin

by Takerwit

Lets Try This Again

If I said that I wasn't scared right now I would be lying because I have not only made myself a fool in front of royalty but insulted both matriarchs at the same time, not very smart when its first contact with an alien race.

the white horse levitated me back into the window I feel from straight into the cluster storm of guards that are indeed still there armed to the teeth, "Shit horse guards serious the fuck up when royalty is involved."

the two queens must have noticed their protectors caution and eased their worries "It's alright my little ponies we have the situation handled you all can return to your post." The guards slowly disperse out the hall all the while keeping an large watchful eye on me, But one pony remains the same yellow pony with the southern accent before.

"You may leave now general Golden." said the vampire pony.

The yellow stallion known as golden shook his head "Nope, ah signed up for the royal guards to serve and protect Equestria and the princesses, Ah aint backin down till its ensured that your both safe."

Meanwhile I was still kinda just floating there my arms and legs were starting to fall asleep so if they're going to throw me in prison can they at least hurry up and do it. I clear my throat to get there attention

"Hey um I appreciate the military serving they're country, but could you please put me down now?" the pony with the sun tattoo places me gently down on the ground.

"My apologies, but I have no idea who you are, what you are, or how you got into our castle but what I would like to know is what the purpose of this surprise visit?'

"Hey lady I'm just as confused as you are as to how I got here one moment I'm getting ready for bed next thing I know." I make an explosion gesture with my hands "Poof I'm here!" I fix my white tee shirt "And my names is Calvin if you were wondering."

The white pony bowed her head in a form of greeting "Hello Calvin, my name is Celestia and that grumpy pony over there is my little sister Luna." She said pointing to her sister who looked completely irritable.

The pony in question merely grumbled and let loose a very un-princess like yawn

"You've woken her from her slumber when you caused that fuss with my nephew blueblood and a quarter of the royal guards."

Oh shit that was her nephew I thought he was just one of those butlers with they're bow tie tied on too tight, I mean sure I may of hit the guy in the face with the plastic part of an loofa but I didn't really mean to he caught me by surprise I didn't know that that was his room, Now when he started calling me words like ape of furless diamond dog I may of hit him again. Seriously that fool was a prick the only reason I didn't stay beating him over the head was because one of the guards must of heard the commotion and came in to investigate, make a long story short they chased me till I jumped out a window.

I turned to princess Luna who looked like she was about to fall out any minute "Yo um sorry for waking you up your highness."

Luna yawned "There is no need for an apology Cavin, but if you would excuse us I shall be heading to my bedroom now."

Luna slowly moved out of the room with all the coordination of a drunk person barely making it to the door were instead of using that weird telekinesis power they have she simply pushes the door open with her face and stumbles into the hallway.

"Don't worry about her night court was very strenuous last night, most of the time the nobles always seem to come for us for the most ridiculous things, But back to the topic at hand where exactly did you come from?"

"well I was born in Kansas city, Missouri but after I graduated college I moved to Kingsville, Texas were my grandmamma lives."

This seemed to confuse both Celestia and Golden "Ah aint heard of any place called Kansas city have you?" Golden looked at Celestia in question, Whom solemnly shook her head with her ever so flowing mane- wait a minute... her manes just blowing as if there's a gust of wind and there's no wind in here how did I not notice this before? "I'm afraid I haven't either, Calvin can you tell me what continent those cities are located on?"

"North America...United States of America, you've never heard of that before?" I said hoping that they at least know how to get me home.

"Never have I heard before of Amareica, do ponies live there?"

This should be awkward "Well, yes and no that ponies that live where I'm from cant talk or fly... or bust down doors like they're nothing, At least not on the first try.

"Interesting...tell me Calvin what is the name of the planet we are on right now?"

"Well that's an easy question this is Earth... right?" Oh god.

Celestia shook he head once again in disagreement "I'm afraid I've never heard of a planet called 'earth', Earth ponies yes but the planet no."

I put my hands on top of my head, there is no way this is real this cant be happening "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

"I wish I was but this is no joke."

All my family all my friends my entire species gone just like that over night, I never got to call my mom and grandmamma they've gotta be worried sick by now, how long does it have to be until your declared missing like twenty-four hours? For all they know I could be dead.

I wasn't mad I was just upset, I knew it wasn't there fault I wouldn't have landed in a bathroom In the first place.

"General Golden Delicious." Celestia said grabbing the his attention "Would you be so kind as to escort are new guest to a room I he'll need his rest, in the mean time I have a letter to write to somepony."

The General saluted "Yes, princess Celestia."

As the princess made her leave she stopped to speak to me. "I'm sorry truly I am." with that she walked out the door and into the hall to who knows were.

The General walked up to me solemnly with a look of sympathy "Come on ah'll take ya to yer room." He walked past me and out the door with me trailing behind him.

The trip was relatively silent aside from the few frightened glances from who I'm assuming were that castle help and the constant vigilance of the guards in golden armor.

As we walk Golden seems like he wants to tell me something but then second guesses himself until he finally said "Ya know, ah haven't seen mah family fer months after this castle was sieged by two different threats on two different dates but you know how ah cope?"

He grasped my attention, he pulled an photo out of an pouch on his armor with a gold apple on it and showed it to me what that picture captured was a family an orange filly was smiling wearing a hat that was way to big for her head, a large red coated colt wearing what some kind of farm equipment around his neck, an light mare with a greying light blonde mane done up in a bun was holding an apple pie, and the last three there was Golden Delicious with a red unicorn mare with a green mane done in a pony tail wearing a pink bow on her real tail holding a small pony with the same coloration of Golden.

"That there is mah family, it hurts mah heart to know that I'm far away from them all the time and when Berry bud past on Solaris bless her soul.Things have been harder fer the farm then ever, but we keep strong because as long as I know there safe I have nothing to fear."

"...Thanks for telling me this I really needed that."

"Twern't a problem, only trying to help as best as ah can." we arrived a an wooden door with a brass door knob normally id be asking all kinds of questions like why do you have door knobs when you don't have any hands, but I could care less as of now.

"A maid will come to wake you when dinner is ready you can take all the time you need an if you have a question feel free to ask anypony."

"Alright man, and ay thanks again."

He merely nodded his head and closed the door as I hear his steps fade away I hear a sound of a two pony guards taking positions on two sides of my door, but I didn't pay them much mind

I found the bathroom in them room did my business and took a shower, given the fact I was already in my pajamas I would just go to sleep in them (I don't know were I'm going to get new clothes from) I head for the queen sized bed and lay in it without covering myself up.

"Hopefully ill feel better later." I said to myself as I faded into a much needed sleep.

*Twilight POV*

Princess Twilight sat on her throne with her purple hoof on her cheek, today was one of those slow days in Ponyville which was strange considering the fact the large town seems to attract the most dangerous problems and holds the most interesting secrets in Equestria, but today was one of those beautiful days there was no rain scheduled for today it was the beginning of the weekend which meant that all the fillies and colts were free from school (and that a certain trio of fillies would once again try to pursue their special talent possibly causing a ruckus in town square again) Yes everypony had something to do today, everypony except Equestria's most recent alicorn princess Twilight Sparkle.

She had done everything around the castle was done and managed she reorganized and labeled all of her new books after the Tirek incident, made sure that all plans and supplies for winter wrap up which would be coming in about a month were prepared and ready when needed, she even received her own royal guards specially trained from the Canterlot military academy to patrol the streets of ponyville to keep its citizens safe.

Yep she's done just about everything, and she would hang out with her friends but they're all busy doing things right now, Rarity's making clothes for the model Fleur de lis, Applejack is preparing for applebucking season, Pinkie Pie is helping the cakes bake a cake for some important client, Fluttershy is visiting her manticore friend in the Everfree forest, and Rainbow Dash is napping...again. which leaves twilight to sit around and do pretty much nothing.

That is until an burping sound comes from right next to her making her jump out her throne and look at her assistant/page spike who had the scroll with seven train tickets inside already unfurled and was reading the contents written inside with a confused face.

"Well spike what does it say is it an important mission!?

"Twilight-"

"Is there a dragon attacking Canterlot!?"

"Twi-"

"Has chrysalis's hive been found!?"

"Twilight!"

"Did Princess Celestia fall in the well!?"

"TWIIIIILIIIIIGHT!"

The purple pony princess (try saying that five times fast) sat down like a dog in trouble with its master.

"Ahem as I was about to say, the letter reads 'Dear Princess Twilight sparkle, as much as I would love to say that this was a social call I'm afraid we have a situation in Canterlot that needs the attention of you and your friends, A visitor has arrived here in Equestria and could use a few friends for he is all alone in this world and It pains me so to see anypony go though something like that, I've gotten you all tickets so you can all arrive as soon as possible preferably around dinner time. Please reply back when you receive this message from spike sincerely, Celestia.' Spike rolled the scroll back up. "who do you think the visitor is Twilight?"

I'm just as confused as you are, but I'm sure it will all be cleared up by the princess when we get to Canterlot hop on Spike lets go get everypony together."

Spike hopped on to his big sisters back as she galloped her way to her friends, without a guard escort much to the guards distain.

*25 Minutes Later*

Twilight had everypony at the train station ready and packed to go to Canterlot prepared for anything.

Pinkie was bouncing around in a circle excited about meeting a brand new friend satchel filled with all sort of party supplies, Fluttershy who was slightly nervous about meeting a new pony, Applejack who was looking for a chance to see her father even bearing an apple pie made by her granny for him, Rarity who was checking herself in her mirror being held by her magic, and Rainbow Dash who looked as if she wanted to be anywhere but here.

Twilight looked a her watch "Alright girls the trains going to be arriving soon, so now's the time to use the bathroom if you need to or ask any questions.

Pinkies arm shot up high in the air "Oh oh,oh pick me pick me." she said bursting at the seems with excitement.

"what's your question pinkie?"

"what's the ponies name, I just have to have the ponies name on they're cake or it wouldn't be an official welcome to Equestria party!"

Twilight shrugged her withers "Sorry Pinkie it doesn't mention who the pony is in the princesses letter."

"I don't get it what is so important about one guy to where it takes all seven of us to go to Canterlot?" Rainbow Dash said brushing a lock of her multicolored hair out of her view.

"Come now dear Rainbow Dash I'm sure that the princess has a perfect explanation for wanting all of us to come to the castle, but I'm curious as to who is the important guest is as well." Rarity placed her mirror back in her satchel bag. "Besides it would be nice to visit Canterlot more often when there isn't an Equuis shattering problem needing solving."

They all replied with varying different agrees.

"ah'm jus excited to finally see my paw again its been six months." Applejack said dusting of her hat her father gave to her.

Fluttershy smiled "Oh I'm sure your dad will be excited when he sees you Applejack."

They heard the sound of the train stopping at the station dropping off and loading ponies.

"All aboard next stop Canterlot!" The conductor pony shouted from one of the cars.

"All right everypony this is it, its going to take three In a half hours to get to Canterlot so we should get there just before dinner so when we get there were going to have to move quickly."

Everypony nodded there heads, and then loaded onto the train (after Twilight tried to get the passengers to stop bowing which failed.)

After everypony was loaded on the train, it began to make its ascendance to the top of the mountain.

*Calvin's POV*

I woke up with the feeling of being prodded with something blunt to the right of my back.

"Umm...w-wake up m-mister Calvin the princesses are waiting for you in the dinning room." I heard a female voice say.

"Wazat?" I asked still half asleep

"T-the Princesses are waiting in the dining room for your arrival its best not to keep them waiting sir."

I turn to identify who the owner of the voice is and see a light blue normal pony mare with an lavender mane style put up in a bun she's wearing a maids outfit and looks scared out of her mind.

"Ahh how long have I been sleeping?"

"About, t-three hours sir." she said keeping her distance from me, is my breath kickin?"

"Really that long?" She nods her head yes.

"well what are we waiting for lets go."

me and the mare both head out of the guest room which was amazing if I might add, and headed to the princesses.

The walk there was pretty quite and it was getting awkward so I decided to make small talk.

"...Soooo...what's your name?"

"Its Lavender breeze, sir." she said

"Come on now chill out with that sir crap, making me feel like an old man."

"Yes sir- I mean Calvin."

I don't think I'm going to get through to this girl.

"Look I aint no aristocrat, rich dude, lawyer nothing I'm just your average everyday human or um you know what I mean, you don't have to be formal with me its not like I'm going to eat you or something."

She visually cringed when I said eat her but before I could fix my words we had arrived at the doors of what I'm assuming to be the dinning room, Lavender Breeze opened the door for me and I couldn't help but notice the mark on her butt it looked like a febreze spray bottle.

"This way sir."

she said motioning her hoof towards the long table were four figures sat.

I took a deep breath and stepped inside.

as I walked in I noticed the guards (including Golden Delicious) positioned around the table, they still don't seem to trust me.

the people (ponies?) sitting at the table were princess Celestia, princess Luna, they're nephew blueblood who looked none to happy to see me, and the jersey devil-WHAAAAAAAAAAAA?

sitting there in between Luna and Celestia was a freaking Jersey devil looked like it was mixed together with a bunch of animals like a bird, bat, lizard, deer, some kinda light blue horned antelope, and a lion don't forget the horse-like head.

"Ah Calvin you've made it I was beginning to wonder if you would ever wake up from your coma." Celestia said jokingly.

"And miss what probably be the most interesting dinner ill ever have in my life I think not."

"Tia your not even going to introduce me to your new human friend here?" said the jerse- waaaait a second now.

"How do you know I'm a human when I haven't even told anyone about them?"

"Indeed Discord enlighten us with your information on whoomans."

"I believe the correct term is human Lu Lu but nice try." he patted the blue princess pony on the head.

"As for how I know what you are well lets say Luna not the only one who can enter ponies dreamscapes."

"What do you me mean dreamscapes?" I asked

suddenly discord was dressed as an old woman "Oh you poor naïve child, not knowing what a dreamscape is." He said pinching my cheeks with his lion paw it hurt.

"Discord how many times have we told you that you cant mess with other ponies dreams?" Celestia said tersely.

"oh I know I know." his face turned into Celestia's face "Discord don't mess with ponies dreams because it could effect their mentality and nag nag nag." his voice impression was just him in a higher pitch voice.

The guards didn't seem to like how the devil was insulting they're princess.

"Besides I didn't tamper with any of his memories I only took a simply peek inside." Discord took his left eye and used it as if it were a telescope.

"Well what did you see?" I had to know this shit.

"well a few humiliating moments in high school that was a good laugh and history classes." He said stroking his stark white goatee.

"Enough to tell that his race is more advanced than all ours combined and more chaotic, oh I'm just getting excited thinking about it."

my stomach grumbled loudly

"Umm with all due respect princesses but when is the food going to get here soon?

"Dinner should be ready in a second were just waiting on-" she was cut of by the door opening and in coming six ponies and a weird purple and green iguana on one of there backs.

Unfortunately a misfortunate event happened as I crossed my legs the worlds worst cramp suddenly appeared sending me writhing on the ground, all the ponies in the room gasping and a jersey devil and white unicorn laughing they're asses off.

Author's Note:

Chapter 2 up and running

Comments

[Kirb]

Am I the only one hoping this would be Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes?

[gcny1]

4533105 I hoped it too.

[Anyne]

You got Luna's speech pattern wrong

[JohnIsOffline]

nigga

I'm out.

[Therisinghero]

5203068 you get around, how is it that I keep finding your comments everywhere!