Forbidden Sugar (Cube)

by Alottapony94

Families

“Hello Mr Rich, Mr Apple. Your girls had a bit of a fight in class today. Now, Mr Rich, I think maybe you should seek some help. You need to give a long talk to Diamond Tiara by yourself about respecting other ponies. She is a repeat offender of teasing the other kids. Mr Apple, I’m quite surprised. Applebloom is a first time offender; she’s usually a well-behaved student, so this is something quite unusual. It probably isn’t a deeper problem, but perhaps you should talk to her about not using your physical strength for bad things, like brawling with another student. Diamond Tiara, I’m not surprised, but your attitude needs a change. You must learn to respect other ponies and show some kindness. It doesn’t matter if you are rich or poor, big or small; we all need to be shown kindness or respect, dear. You are not showing enough. As for Applebloom, I have to say I’m a little disappointed. I thought you had your temper under wraps but I’m afraid that’s not the case. Sometimes everypony gets told something or sees somepony doing something that makes them mad, but violence and kicking or biting is not the way to solve it. Mr Rich, Mr Apple, you are free to go and may take your daughter or sister with you.” Cheerilee summed up her late talk to the students and their guardians about their attitude.

Diamond Tiara and Filthy Rich went out first, Filthy Rich lecturing Diamond Tiara with several drawn out long cries of ‘but dadddd’ echoing through the classroom and outside. “Little ‘Bloom, Ah ain’t never heard of you roughing up the other fillies. Just what happened to make you that mad, besides the fact that that filly is little spoiled?” Big Mac asked his little sister. “Uh…Ah have a crush.” She mumbled the words. “Sorry, what was that?” Big Mac replied. “A crush.” She said with a fraction of a whisper. “Sorry, come again?” Big Mac said. “A CRUSH!” Applebloom bellowed so loud that the ponies passing by the schoolhouse stopped and stared for a moment, then went again about their business. “Wow, Applejack is right. You really are becoming a teenager.” Big Mac remarked, as they trotted side by side. “Ah know.” Applebloom sighed. “So, you were defending a crush’s honour, huh? Ah know what that feels like. Ah did that once. Who’s this colt?” Big Mac asked.

“Uh it’s not a colt.” Applebloom said. “Well who can it be then? You just said you had a crush! It’s impossible for fillies and fillies and colts and colts to like each other. It’s just not written like that in nature.” Big Mac explained. “But, why? So it’s not possible for any fillies to like each other?” Applebloom wondered. What are these feelings then? Applebloom thought to herself. “Eeyup. No documented cases. You don’t like a filly do you?” Big Mac stopped in his tracks. “Yes, Ah do. So Ah guess it’s not a real crush then.” Applebloom said. “Little ‘Bloom, how many times do Ah gotta say it? You don’t like a filly! It’s never happened before, chances are it never will. Everypony knows that. What’s the purpose of having love if for not bringing up little fillies and colts? Do we need to have that talk with you again?” Big Mac replied and started walking again, Applebloom following. Applebloom scrunched up her face. “Ew, no. Ah had enough when we all discussed where foals come from.” She said with disgust. “Then, tell me who the colt is.” Big Mac replied.

Applebloom frowned slightly and then didn’t talk, just walking slightly further ahead. “Oh come on. Don’t give me the silent treatment. Ok have it your way.” Big Mac rolled his eyes but wasn’t bad at holding his own silence as they trudged home in near darkness. Once they had reached the farm, it was completely dark. Applebloom was met by an angry Applejack, whom she knew not to mess with. “Sit down Applebloom.” Applejack ordered. Applebloom gulped and sat on a chair on the wooden kitchen table. “Applebloom, care to explain why Miss Cheerilee called me in the middle of my applebucking duty?” Applejack said in a measured but anger-laced voice. “Ah-Ah picked a fight with Diamond Tiara.” Applebloom replied in a small voice.

“More like started it! Applebloom, Ah am also angry about the fight but there’s one other thing that gets me all mad. The community…other than my good friends doesn’t exactly see our family in the right light even before you started that fight. They probably think we’re some ratty orphans who do whatever the heck we like. Now our reputation is even more soiled thanks to that fight. Ah work long and hard just to see through every day. You never have to work as hard as Ah did when Ah was your age. Now, you wanna be all defiant? What you got to defy? Having fun? Having a foalhood? Ah never even had a foalhood! So Ah’m sorry if this ain’t good enough for you, princess. Now that yer ruffing up other foals they’re all gonna think that Ah hit you, or that Ah taught you that was ok! Tell me princess, do you think that’s fair?” Applejack was reduced to tears and Applebloom and Big Mac were silent. Applejack rarely cried, even at her breaking point.

Applebloom trotted up guilty to Applejack, hugging one of her back hooves. “Ah’m sorry Apple-“ “NO! YOU GET OFF RIGHT NOW!” She shook the filly off her leg and Applejack’s strength sent her flying into the wall unintentionally. “Ow!” She squealed as she fell hard on her little front hooves. Big Mac ran over. “She’s bleeding.” He mumbled, checking her hooves. “Oh my dear Celestia, Ah’m so sorry Applebloom it was an accident.” Applejack rushed over, softening up when she saw the filly’s cut hooves. Applebloom locked on Applejack, scowling. “No. You hit me. You’re nothing but a ruffian!” Applebloom wept, and she ran upstairs crying loudly all the way, taking her schoolbag with her. Applejack ran after her. “Wait!” She said in her bedroom door frame but the door was shut hard in Applejack’s face.

Applejack dejectedly walked downstairs, passing Big Mac. “Big Mac, Ah am a ruffian. Ah only care about myself, and Ah didn’t stop to think about my favourite sister. She used to love me, but now…” “She loves you Applejack, you’re the apple of her eye. You’re not a ruffian and you know it, you care about everypony in Ponyville! Remember, you said yourself, the most dependable of ponies.” Big Mac attempted cheering her up. “Thanks Big Mac, but Ah think Ah need to applebuck and think about things.” Applejack turned to leave, but Big Mac blocked her. “You can’t applebuck at this time of night. You’ll get lost in the dark!” Big Mac tried knocking sense into her. “Well good then. Let the monsters find me. Celestia knows Ah’m already one myself.” Applejack sighed and slumped over. “Come on sis, stay inside. It’s warm and light in here.” Big Mac said, blocking her again.

“Away, Big Mac.” Applejack firmly said. “Fine. But if you’re not in here in an hour, Ah’m coming to find you.” Big Mac warned her. “Ah can take o’ myself!” Applejack announced as she shut the door. Big Mac sighed but he knew she was right. Applejack was twenty one and could easily find her way around the farm with her eyes closed. He was still coming to find her if he needed to though. But he had a little filly he needed to take care of for now. So he gathered some bandages, washcloths and warmed up some apple pie with flowers on the side. After about ten minutes he trotted up stairs with a tray in his mouth. He knocked on the door. “Go away Applejack.” Applebloom said to the door. “It’s just me, Big Mac. Ah brought food.” Big Mac answered. “Oh alright.” Applebloom sighed and opened the door. She scarfed down the pie and flowers, because she didn’t admit it but she was really hungry. “I’d better take a look at those hooves.” Big Mac said. Applebloom gave him her front hooves where they were cut. They were a bit cut up but nothing deep. Big Mac couldn’t even see any muscle. “I’ll just have to wash and em bandage em. But the washing might hurt just a little.” Big Mac prepared her. He got the washcloth and cleaned out the dirt from the hooves and the blood, with Applebloom whimpering all the while. Then he put band-aids on Applebloom’s cuts, covering the hooves then entirely in bandage.

“Ah hope you understand it was an accident ‘Bloom. Applejack was meaning to shake you a bit but she kicked you off like an apple tree. She didn’t know her own strength.” Big Mac told her. “Ah don’t wanna talk about it. Applejack doesn’t understand what Ah’m going through.” Applebloom said stubbornly. “Applejack is under a lot of stress running this farm by herself ‘Bloom! Ah think that’s a little bigger than a crush dilemma. I kind of agree with her. It’s not like you have to go straight from schoolwork to the farm everyday. She carries a huge responsibility from Momma which is too big for her to handle on her own in my opinion and it ain’t fair to wind her up like this.” Big Mac said gently.

“Don’t tell me you’re on her side! Everyone thinks Ah’m a stupid kid, but Ah’m not! Ah had to grow up too but at three years old! You’ve known Momma way longer than Ah have! Ah didn’t even know Poppa! Ah’m ten years old, Ah’m not a baby anymore! In fact, Ah’m due to get my cutie mark any minute! Then I’ll be a teenager! Ah like a filly, Ah still don’t have no cutie mark, and no one understands me.” Applebloom cried. “Ah’m not on anyone’s side. But you should’ve seen your sister; I’ve never seen anypony so guilty. Ah know you’re not a baby, you’ll get your cutie mark eventually, but this filly business has got to stop, ‘Bloom. It’s not possible, Ah’m sorry but Ah don’t know what else to tell you. Ask anyone, and they’ll say the same thing.” Big Mac calmed her, linking a front hoof around her shoulders, and for once Applebloom was too tired to argue back.

“Muwfins lil’ Dink.” Derpy drawled. “Thanks Mommy.” Dinky said as warm muffins laced with apple bits, flowerseed and berries were placed on her plate and her mother’s plate. “How was dey? Dwid Muwfin had friends? Did keds waugh at yoo?” Derpy asked. “Well, I made one good friend, and one sort of friend. But the kids did laugh at me. Just like I thought they would.” Dinky told her. “Tat’s na good! I donut want tem to Waugh at yoo! Yoo is favrit filly ewer. Best dwaughter ewer. Die wool talk toh Cheerilee.” Derpy said determined. “Aw Mommy, you’re the best Mommy ever. But you don’t need to talk to Cheerilee. I don’t think it will make much difference.” Dinky said in between big mouthfuls. “Die wool. Yoo donut dissolve tis.” Derpy reassured.

Dinky decided to give up. Derpy could be quite determined sometimes. “Oh, Mommy. I have a crush, on a nice friend named Applebloom! She’s so cute, charming with a pretty accent and she stood up for me.” Dinky said with bright eyes. Derpy spat out her muffin. “WUT? Yoo carrot ike a chilli! Chillis and chillis donut make fools! Everypoo woahs tat!” Derpy said sternly. “But…I do like one. I guess I’m just a weird filly. Well I knew that.” Dinky lamented. “Noh. Yoo ant a woo chilli. Yoo just nave. Yoo play pens!” Derpy enforced. “Ok, maybe I am playing pretend.” Dinky looked down. “Donut wowie lil Dink, my lil chilli. Why wuv yoo. Noo, I had to doh a pony!” Derpy rushed to the bathroom. Dinky had a weirded out look on her face, but then just laughed. Derpy…was just being Derpy.**

Comments

[LuckyBreak]

me more than most :D

[indy4s]

Nice conflict establishment kid, this chapter came out real well; like a pasta dish at my grandmother's house.

[NLRsoldier]

I understand Derpy isn't suppose to be the brightest mare but come on that was just over the top. I say cut the crap of replacing words with other words or sounds and keep it to short simple sentences.

Over all really enjoyed this chapter till I got to the Derpy part at least I'm sorry I just can't stand when writers take such an crude way to writing a simple minded character they can have depth too you know

[Lux Rune]

I like this chapter, and I can't wait for the next one, but i kinda agree with NLRsoldier, I think the Derpy part was a bit over the top. She's not the brightest, but she's certainly not like this, and it's a little hard to understand, but overall, I lived it

[Delicious]

You need to work on characterization... BIG time. I can't imagine Applejack actually CRYING because of one small offence from Applebloom, I would expect her to be disapointed, but I don't understand the 'soiled reputation' part. The Apple Family is one of the most respected families in the Ponyville community, that's shown in Super Cider Squeezy, and Family Appreciation Day, and other episodes too.

While I have already seen the Derpy replacing words thing in a different story, that story actually did it well. This one just seems over the top. If your going to make her replace words, only make it one word per sentence, or else it just sound overly-stupid. Give her some credit, she's at least SOMEWHAT smart.

Applebloom should also be fine calling Dinky Sugarcube, because that's what Applejack calls her friends, and Dinky is Applebloom's friend. Also, in chapter one Applebloom goes from happy to bawling her eyes out in mere seconds with just an offhand mention of her parents. While I think being an orphan should be addressed in the story, it shouldn't be like 'Ok, your an orphan. Go cry now.'

Diamond Tiara, she may be a bully, but she's not stupid. She would never make fun of somebody with a parent around, she knows it'll get her in trouble.

And finally, I don't understand the 'This filly is nice, I now have a crush on her' bit. I mean, most stories at least have SOME buildup after the characters are introduced, you just threw those two together right off the bat. At least make them hang out more then one day before they start developing feelings. What you've done is committing one of the deadliest sins of shipping.

I'll continue reading this story, but I would enjoy it much more if you could pull off the characters better. Right now it's on a train to shipping-hell.

P.S. Please, if you can justify any of the characterization faults I see, just tell me. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I just can't stand that way your doing the Characters and Emotions. It could be a VERY good story, but it just feels like I'm reading about a cheap Apple family knock-off, not a story with the real Apple family.

P.P.S No seriously, I don't want to sound harsh AT ALL. I just want you to know what I think. For all I know, your characterization is actually good and mine is just awful.

[Alottapony94]

I've decided to change the Derpy thing! Out of popular demand.

[Alottapony94]

448647
I'm taking some creative license...sorry if everyone's a little out of character. I'm used to writing my own stories more than fanfiction. That's probably why my characterisation is a bit crappy, so I kind of agree. I'm better at writing my own stuff. Sorry, sorry, sorry,
I will change the Derpy thing, seeming as that annoyed people a bit. Don't worry, she won't be doing this again.
Yes, you might come off as harsh to someone else, but I like the truth. So I like you.
I can't really change this crush instant thing now, but I am going to have more bulid up to the romance.
With the sugacube thing, I will keep that, I feel it's my creative license. Sorry, but that's the truth.
Shipping hell though, that's the only thing I found harsh. You could have said the whole comment WITHOUT the part about shipping hell.

[Alottapony94]

442724>>443074
I will fix that right up (for next chapter), just you wait.

[Alottapony94]

448647
I forgot I has one more thing.
You can think differently of your reputation personally to what it actually is.

[Alottapony94]

448647
Oh and another thing I forgot, (lol my memory rules) she wasn't bawling her eyes out her eyes were WET or watering. That was what I wrote. Maybe that 'bawling your eyes out' thing was a bit of an exaggeration. She wasn't actually crying, and I think that sadness is pretty appropriate to the death of a parent, even if it is a bit sudden. Some people express it in more dramatic ways than others. This comment sounds a bit patronizing, but believe me I don't mean it to come off that way.