• Member Since 5th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Jun 7th, 2012

Alottapony94


E

Applebloom is suddenly hit with a crush, a normal occurance for little ponies her age. But theres a twist--it's on a filly! In a society where fillyfooling is looked down on and treated like it doesn't even exist, there can be horrible implications if anyone finds out the truth of Applebloom's strange feelings towards a certain purple-tinted grey unicorn, Dinky, a new friend she makes at School with a glum past. With the help of some familiar accepting ponies around town including her faithful friends, sister Applejack and brother Big Macintosh and other likeminded ponies, maybe she can survive the harsh judgement of everyone else, but who will accept her and Dinky? Who will be less accepting? And what will they do about it? (Warning: Starts rather slow and upbeat but will get sadder in later chapters.) Read on, as crushes, opinions and cutie marks are found, but the cost of a little filly's crush may tear apart the town...

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 40 )

This is pretty good. But I do have one thing, you keep on using the word hand. I'm not sure if you meant for this story to be a humanized pony story or you just put hand instead of hoof. Other than that though good job!

Great story so far, I can't wait to read more, but I agree with Blank Flank, the use of the word hands makes the story a bit off, other than that, I love it. :twilightsmile:

pretty great! but hand? Okay i don't find that too bad, but others.... the pain you will get from them. BUT! I can't wait for more chapters and then more things to happen

Thanks everypony for the awesome comments and favs. :twilightsheepish:

Oh, and don't worry you guys, lol. I will fix up the hand issue next chapter. I made a bit of a stupid mistake. Hehe, stupid me. :derpytongue2:

423361 WE all make mistakes, don't worry about it:twilightsmile:

me more than most :D

This marks my first comment on this website, and I gotta say, couldn't of found a better piece of writting to post it on. Great story kid; nice use of backstory with Dinky, you really got me there.

Nice conflict establishment kid, this chapter came out real well; like a pasta dish at my grandmother's house.:pinkiehappy:

How is Dinky living in the clouds if she's a unicorn?

Also, when a new person is talking, start a new paragraph.

I understand Derpy isn't suppose to be the brightest mare but come on that was just over the top. I say cut the crap of replacing words with other words or sounds and keep it to short simple sentences.

Over all really enjoyed this chapter :pinkiehappy: till I got to the Derpy part :twilightangry2: at least I'm sorry I just can't stand when writers take such an crude way to writing a simple minded character they can have depth too you know

I like this chapter, and I can't wait for the next one, but i kinda agree with NLRsoldier, I think the Derpy part was a bit over the top. She's not the brightest, but she's certainly not like this, and it's a little hard to understand, but overall, I lived it :twilightsmile:

You need to work on characterization... BIG time. I can't imagine Applejack actually CRYING because of one small offence from Applebloom, I would expect her to be disapointed, but I don't understand the 'soiled reputation' part. The Apple Family is one of the most respected families in the Ponyville community, that's shown in Super Cider Squeezy, and Family Appreciation Day, and other episodes too.

While I have already seen the Derpy replacing words thing in a different story, that story actually did it well. This one just seems over the top. If your going to make her replace words, only make it one word per sentence, or else it just sound overly-stupid. Give her some credit, she's at least SOMEWHAT smart.

Applebloom should also be fine calling Dinky Sugarcube, because that's what Applejack calls her friends, and Dinky is Applebloom's friend. Also, in chapter one Applebloom goes from happy to bawling her eyes out in mere seconds with just an offhand mention of her parents. While I think being an orphan should be addressed in the story, it shouldn't be like 'Ok, your an orphan. Go cry now.'

Diamond Tiara, she may be a bully, but she's not stupid. She would never make fun of somebody with a parent around, she knows it'll get her in trouble.

And finally, I don't understand the 'This filly is nice, I now have a crush on her' bit. I mean, most stories at least have SOME buildup after the characters are introduced, you just threw those two together right off the bat. At least make them hang out more then one day before they start developing feelings. What you've done is committing one of the deadliest sins of shipping.

I'll continue reading this story, but I would enjoy it much more if you could pull off the characters better. Right now it's on a train to shipping-hell. :trixieshiftleft: :trixieshiftright:

P.S. Please, if you can justify any of the characterization faults I see, just tell me. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I just can't stand that way your doing the Characters and Emotions. It could be a VERY good story, but it just feels like I'm reading about a cheap Apple family knock-off, not a story with the real Apple family.

P.P.S No seriously, I don't want to sound harsh AT ALL. :fluttershyouch: I just want you to know what I think. For all I know, your characterization is actually good and mine is just awful.

I've decided to change the Derpy thing! Out of popular demand. :pinkiehappy:

448647
I'm taking some creative license...sorry if everyone's a little out of character. I'm used to writing my own stories more than fanfiction. That's probably why my characterisation is a bit crappy, so I kind of agree. I'm better at writing my own stuff. Sorry, sorry, sorry, :fluttershyouch:
I will change the Derpy thing, seeming as that annoyed people a bit. Don't worry, she won't be doing this again. :pinkiehappy:
Yes, you might come off as harsh to someone else, but I like the truth. So I like you. :pinkiehappy:
I can't really change this crush instant thing now, but I am going to have more bulid up to the romance.
With the sugacube thing, I will keep that, I feel it's my creative license. Sorry, but that's the truth.
Shipping hell though, that's the only thing I found harsh. You could have said the whole comment WITHOUT the part about shipping hell. :fluttercry:

442724>>443074
I will fix that right up (for next chapter), just you wait. :ajsmug:

448647
I forgot I has one more thing.
You can think differently of your reputation personally to what it actually is.

448647
Oh and another thing I forgot, (lol my memory rules) she wasn't bawling her eyes out her eyes were WET or watering. That was what I wrote. Maybe that 'bawling your eyes out' thing was a bit of an exaggeration. She wasn't actually crying, and I think that sadness is pretty appropriate to the death of a parent, even if it is a bit sudden. Some people express it in more dramatic ways than others. This comment sounds a bit patronizing, but believe me I don't mean it to come off that way.

464175

I'm glad to hear that since i really like the concept of this story :raritywink:

This chapter right here soo much better, I really like your take on Fluttershy kind of making her the understanding Aunt I would describe it :yay: and Derpy I have to say good job also 100% better :derpytongue2:

464277 464164 464207
Yea, I guess I did kinda read the eye-watering part wrong. Just keep working on keeping your characters a little closer to what most people agree they act like, It's ok to add something to a character, but not so much that it seems like a whole new character without major character development. (Some long stories can get away with characters changing because they change slowly over multiple chapters and events.)

Yea, I guess the reputation IS up for debate; I still don't like the idea of them having a soiled reputation, but I'm not the writer. :applejackunsure:

Also, I kept on wondering if the "Shipping hell" part was too harsh, and it WAS a little too harsh, but really. Go ask almost anybody what makes a ship fail and at least half the people will say something along the lines of rushed feelings. I mean, it WOULD still be a pretty good story, but in the shipping category it wouldn't hold up all too well. I should have probably found a better way to say that, but sometimes I wonder if my brain is actually as functional as the average human brain. Sometimes I'll say something that I don't think anybody will take the wrong way and thus, "Shipping hell" spawned, and my brain also decided against removing it even after I realized how bad it might be. :facehoof: :facehoof: :facehoof:
I apologize for that. :fluttershysad:

Great addition to the story. I like the fact that you made Fluttershy :yay: the understanding character in the story, because it suits her so well, and I like the more subtle take on Derpy :derpyderp2:, It seems more accurate to how she would be. Also, I NEED MORE!!!! :raritydespair:

465575
I accept your apology, but at the same time I'll try to keep your critisms in mind apart from the mistake I made of rushing, because I'm trying to be in tune with my audience. You see, with the rushing thing, I should explain it more. I have written much, much more than I've posted, because I like to write as many chapters as I can before I submit the story, and I would have to re-revise and change so much that I have already done. Don't worry I think a lot of people have the problem of thinking before they act, or in your case submit, sometimes. I know I've done it.

464919>>467886
Thanks, I hope to improve as much as I can.

Great chapter, but i see one mistake, i think; in paragraph 8 or 9 when Applebloom and Dinky are talking about math, you wrote this, "If you answer a couple of questions, you’ll look like a genius!” Applejack attempted cheering her up. “Yeah, you’re right! I’ve got this! I was the math champion of both my schools you know." Where you put Applejack, i think you might've meant to put Applebloom, but other than that, I LOVE IT!!!!

last paragraf
give me a
DAAWWWWWWWWWWW

Love how last paragraph ends with Luna putting them in bed. Thats adorable :ajsmug:

554617>>547219>>545201>>545080
Thank you:pinkiehappy:

D'awwwww:rainbowkiss: I need more!!

love this story
applejack, you are complete and utter fuck

586721>>582039>>554617>>547219>>545201>>465575>>442582>>442179>>441749>>417538>>416268
ATTENTION:
I have deleted the last chapter as I personally don't like it and feel that it was contrived and I could do better than that. Please disregard what I posted for chapter 7. I'm writing a new chapter 7. Sorry to confuse you. It will probably come out within the next few days. I hope this doesn't annoy anyone.
-Alottapony94

617363 Any idea when the next chapter will be up?

706944
OH MY GOD, sorry!!!! Three weeks! I promise I haven't forgotten about you or anyone else who is reading this. :pinkiegasp:
I'm in Australia, in case you live in like America or another country where's it's summer break. In Australia for year 12, which is what I'm doing right now, or seniors in high school or a-levels, or whatever you call it, it is mid-term exams right now. So that means I've had a huge stack added to the already huge stack that is my homework. :ajbemused:
I know though, three weeks, not good enough:twilightoops:
I promise I will try to update this weekend, but if I can't do that I abosuletly double promise next week. I'm sorry. -
Alottapony :yay:

Um ok what the hell is going on here? I mean Sweetie knows magic that lets her summon building materials? Scootaloo knows how to spin dash? This chapter seems very rushed and confusing.

Hey I noticed that you used 'people' instead of 'ponies' a few times.

Can you do theparagraoh thingy when pepoltalk uzsometimes i cant tell whos talking

709852 I think that you're 101 weeks late on that.

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