Chapter 1: He's Always In The Way!
"Yeah! WOOHOO" I started twirling and spinning doing awesome tricks. I finished kicking all of those clouds, which gave me an early day off of my job. I looked down to see i was above the ground right beside her castle. She is just outside of it getting Spike to stop eating it.
"SPIKE!" She says annoyed
"Y-yes Twilight?" You could barely hear a word he says with some of the castle pieces in his mouth. He started to sweat being afraid of getting disciplined.
"Will you stop eating off of my new castle?!? You know how much being the Princess Of Friendship means to me right!?!"
"Yeah i do b..but its sooo good!"
"Yeah well stop please spike" This time she said it calmly.
"Fine. Just because i am stuffed today" Spike said giving a friendly smile to twilight
"Thank you.." Twilight and spike both went back into the castle.
Every of my friends are there. I live there too, but its just that now that discord lives with us, It's kinda weird so i just come out, work, then get some fresh air. especially when i now live with Twilight Sparkle, the mare of my dreams! I know you may think it is weird of me falling in love with the same gender. To me, its kinda alright.
I rushed into the castle bumping into twilight and tackling her purposely.
She rolled her eyes and said, "Hey Rainbow"
" 'Sup Twi" I sounded tacky but it was fine to me.
" Can you get off of me now?"
"Oh!" I stepped down and we both got back on our hooves. "s-sorry twilight"
"Its ok. Hey have you see Flash!" She said excitingly.
"No. Why" Now that she mentioned his name, i was filled with jealousy. They both met the day when Twilight went through that weird portal thing. Every time she is near him, i could see her exposed blush. I get so mad with the thought of them hanging out.
"Well... He asked me to hang out with him and to get to know each other. We are going to cloudsdale together for a walk around the cloudpark"
"But twi. I thought only you and i would be the only ones to go there!" I said about to tear up.
"Oh Rainbow! Its ok its not going to be that special over there like how it is with you and me when we go there"
I started to lighten up a bit as i saw her walk out of the castle. I felt a hole in my heart though. I still can't get why.
Stats
Page generated in 0.022 seconds
Total duration
656 users online
944,934 hits today, 2,829,583 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Colored text + not proofreading + Flash Sentry isn't a recipe for success. Flash Sentry alone makes people annoyed. Yes, that's probably just the tag. But it won't help if people click and see all that colored, unedited text.
4452922 Not all of it is even colored
4453094 The problem is that any of it being colored isn't good. I'm not saying that to make you feel bad. I just wanted you to know one reason you're probably getting hit with all those downrates, instead of you just wondering why. If you're using colored text to indicate different speakers, get rid of the colors and add "Rainbow said" and "Twilight said."
Good plot, but I expected a bit more out of it.
no hate intended.
The plot was ok, but you should really get r a proofreader or at least Proofread it yourself. I also feel this was very rushed and it overall just was sort of amateur.