• Published 17th May 2014
  • 2,005 Views, 63 Comments

Back to school for Lulu! - Evilhumour



Following the events of a simple test from the bureaucracy of Equestria, Luna has decided to take this chance to learn what she has missed during her thousand years absence. Will she pass this time around? Will she be fail kindergarten?

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Chapter three

Chapter Three

“Th-that will be dealt with later.” Luna forced herself to remain calm and steady. “We shall be departing to someplace outside of our fair city, as to widen both Our knowledge and understanding of Our little ponies. The location shall remain a secret for the time being.” It would more than likely not remain a secret for long where she was going, but they did need to give those ponies all the time they could get to prepare for the endless stream of newsponies and nobleponies trying to catch something unflatteringly of her, or to learn some unsavoury factoid of her education process. The mental image of her face plastered on Equestria Daily, slacked jaw holding a paper with a big red zero on it with the headline saying Princess Luna fails elementary school! in the biggest font imaginable ran through her head and she had to fight against shuddering visibly.

Another raised hoof from the crowd caught her eyes from amid the chuckling crowd.

“Yes, thee over there?”

“Tales miss!” The stallion called out, “Fibbin’ Tales from Canterlot Times.” He smiled, holding the paper with his one wing and the pen resting on the other. “Will you be travelling alone, as there have been some reports that you are not full-”

Celestia stepped forwards, causing Luna to shoot her a glare. This was her press conference, Faust damn it! “Captain Shining Armor has been appointed to be our sister’s guard during this whole…” She paused, trying to think of what to call this. “Journey.” She winced, a poor choice of words.

“Princess Luna,” Another stallion started to speak, without being called on by either Princess which should have alarmed them. He was also grinning, and that really should have tipped them off. “What do you have to say about the rumours of you and Captain Shining Armor?”

Luna frowned, raising an eyebrow. “What rumours are thou talking about?”

“That last night you spent it with the good captain in a raunchy debauchery acts of booze and sex.”

There was total silence in the room, where the sound of pens, quills and notebooks falling to the floor was heard. Celestia managed to de-bulge her eyes, and Cadance somehow managed to retain enough control to keep from strangling the quivering mess of a stallion next to her or her red-faced aunt whose mouth was hanging low to the floor.

Taking a deep breath, Luna opened her eyes and glared at the stallion who was surrounded by ten Royal Guards, all ready to throw him out. “While last night Royal Captain Shining Armor and We did partake in some taverns, it was only for a few simple and light drinks.” She ignored the soft snort from her sister. “We would never engage in such actions with Royal Captain Shining as it would be both a breach of conduct of our positions and improper as Captain Shining Armor is currently engaged with M-”

She blinked and stopped, remembering that Shining Armor told her about his upcoming nuptials in strictest confidence, and she had almost told everypony about it! What was that phrase he said, after she gave her vow of silence?

“With who Princess Luna?!” Another voice called out, the newsponies looking like vultures at a fresh cadaver. She looked at the panicking Shining Armor and the frightened Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, who had wanted to keep their plans of engagement a secret for a while longer.

“Another mare.” She closed her eyes to steady herself, trying to remember that phrase! It was so funny last night and she desperately wanted to know what it was! Something about gardening tools… “We cannot say more as We gave Our word of silence on the matter.”

This caused a rush of ponies asking her and Captain Shining Armor about who the mare was and if Princess Mi Amore Cadenza had any idea who she was, and if she was jealous as she’d had so many chances to snag him, what with being the foalsitter of his baby sister. Luna was still trying to figure it out, with something about brothers?

“If there is nothing else, I believe my sister would like to prepare for her departure?” Celestia nuzzled her sister forwards with a hoof, jostling the phrase out. “Any final words-

BROS BEFORE HOES!” Luna shouted with a grin, “That was the phras-” She blinked and looked at the stunned crowd, her eyes darting to her slack jawed wide eyed sister, Captain Shining Armor facehooving repeatedly and muttering something about jumping off a cliff, and Cadance shaking with rage at her fiancé for teaching her that kind of language. “Fromlastnight.” She sat down on her rump numbly, wishing for the first time to be back on the moon in order to escape the laughter bombarding her.

Why Us, she thought to herself as she wrapped her wings around her face to try and hide from the crowd.

Author's Note:

The ending feels a bit too mean to me, but I am not sure how to really end it otherwise. Expect an edit to that in the near future....

Also, have some plans for chapter four, to which Twilight learns the best usage of the thickest heaviest tome in her possession, which was The Complete, Unabridge Encyclopedia of Equestria Facts, Definitions and Other Information A Pony Could Ever Want, so no worries about it grinding to halt here. Can anyone guess why she would need The Complete, Unabridge Encyclopedia of Equestria Facts, Definitions and Other Information A Pony Could Ever Want?

But I have no real ideas and knowledge AFTER that. I WILL need help to finish this!