Prologue
Prologue
Welcome to Despair
Harmony’s Peak Academy is the most prestigious school in all of Equestria. It acts as a beacon of hope for the future. The academy's student body is made up of the best of the best of the best, all chosen by Princess Celestia herself. The only way to get in is to be invited and the the only way to be invited is to be nothing short of exceptional. So who would have guessed that a nobody like Flash Sentry would be invited?
Standing at the front gate was a orange pegasus with a blue mane and a shield and lightning bolt cutie mark. He wore a green hoody. "I still can't believe it."
Flash Sentry: Superpony-level luckster
"I mean, out of all the ponies, why me?" He mumbled to himself. "I'm not special, I don't have any amazing skills. I'm just average." Flash never stood out at his old school. His grades were average and so were his tastes in music and movies.
"Well, no use standing here." Flash took his first steps through the gate. "Uh!" All of a sudden the world began to spin around him. He began to stumble all over until he fell to the ground. The Pegasus began to black out. The last image the colt saw was the front entrance of the school.
“Huh." The the blue maned pony woke up. He looked around to find that he was now in a classroom instead of the front entrance. After a few minutes, Flash realized that it was no ordinary classroom. The first thing that was odd was that all the windows were all locked shut with iron plates. He taped his hoof on the plate to see that it was shoed.
"Wow, they must really want their students to focus," Flash said to himself. He also noticed that there were security cameras all over the classroom. He then turned around to the desk that he was sleeping on a moment ago to find a piece of paper. The paper was a crudely drawn pamphlet. "This look like a pamphlet for the school," he said.
The paper said, "Student orientation in the gym at 8:00," on the front.
Flash looked at the clock to see that it was already 7:58. "Oh no, I’m going to be late!" He said as he dropped the paper and ran out the door. Flash ran as fast as he could to the gym. On his way he noted that the school was empty. No sign of either students or teachers. It was almost as if Flash was the last pony in existence. He stopped dead in his tracks when he passed the main entrance.
“What the hell!” a huge vault like door now stood at the entrance to the school. Ok the metal plates on the windows are weird enough but this ridiculous. Did i just entered a school or some sort of twisted prison. Now a sense of fear filled the colts mind. he ran strate to the gym in a panic and busted through the dooors
"’Bout time you got here!"
"Is that everyone?"
"I think so."
Flash entered the gym to find 14 others. Not knowing what else to do Flash raised a hoof and introduced himself. "Hi, my name is Flash Sentry. Glad to meet all of you."
"Well I guess we should all introduce ourselves," another pony said.
“Ooh, me first! Me first!" The second one to introduce herself was a pink earth pony with a rose mane and a pink dress. "I'm Pinkie Pie, and I'm so happy meet all of you!"
Pinkie Pie: Superpony-level party animal
Pinkie Pie was known for her amazing parties. They were so incredible that everypony had heard of them. The Princess has even asked her to plan the Grand Galloping Gala on several occasions! "Maybe after orientation you can help me set up a party to celebrate the new school year!"
Wow, I can't believe she's here! I heard her parties were legendary, Flash thought.
"By the way I feel I should tell you that we're trapped. We've tried every way we can think of," a female voice said out of nowhere. Flash turned around to find a lavender unicorn. She had a pink highlight and a braid in her purple hair. She wore a purple jacket and a red tie over a dress shirt. "Oh I forgot to give you my name. It’s Twilight Sparkle."
Twilight Sparkle: Superpony-level… Uhh… Let’s just keep going.
"So, how did you get invited to the school?" Twilight asked." You don't look too impressive to me."
"Oh, apparently I won some sort of lottery," Flash said, rubbing the back of his head. "I guess I'm not too lucky if it landed me into some evil experiment. So, what's your claim to fame?"
"I...don't remember. I only remember waking up a few minutes ago in the AV room. All I do know is that we need to get out."
"Well, I guess I'll be seeing you around"
"Hey, doesn't Trixie get a introduction?" Everyone's eyes were now on the blue unicorn in a sailor style uniform." Fine then. I am The Great and Powerful Trixie! Of course, you all know that already."
Trixie Lulamoon: Superpony-level celebrity
Trixie was an up-and-coming magic performer. She had made a name for herself performing magical feats for ponies of all ages and was very well-known. It's even been rumored that she'll be trying her hoof at singing, with no evidence if it’s true or not.
"I can't believe it. I've never met a real celebrity before," Flash said after the unicorn interrupted.
"Trixie is sure it a real honor to meet her, too," Trixie said stroking her own ego.
"Excuse me, little filly, but if anyone deserves a formal introduction, it's me." A right proper voice called out. Soon the focus was on a white unicorn stallion with a blond mane wearing a green suit. "I am Prince Blueblood, 13th heir to the royal throne."
Prince Blueblood: super pony level scion
As he said, Prince Blueblood was a part of the royal family. He has been groomed for his entire life for greatness. The stallion was schooled in government, economies, foreign cultures, and law. So there was no question that a pony like him would be invited to this academy. "Now I demand someone tell me why we're all trapped here."
Wow, two overeager airheads. I don't think the building can hold the two of them, Flash thought.
"I thought I smelled the air of a self-centered jerk," another regal voice said. The voice belonged to a white mare. Her mane was purple and she wore a black, gothic dress.
"Ah, Rarity, I didn't think I'd see you hear." Blueblood said.
"The feeling’s mutual," the mare now known as Rarity replied.
Rarity: Superpony-level high roller
Rarity was an expert gambler. Her skills on the card tables had earned her not only a place in high society but also the title of "The Queen of Lies". It’s even been rumored that she was able to win over 10 million bits in one night and bankrupt everypony else. "If I'm correct the last time I saw you I think I cleaned you out at your aunt's last dinner party."
"That's only because you cheated, you hussy!" Blueblood yelled with a blush on his face
"Why don't y'all get a room and let the rest of as have a turn?!" A southerner voice interrupted, defusing the argument. The voice came from a orange mare with a blonde mane tied in a green bow. Her school uniform was ripped up and in bad condition. Standing behind her was a taller red stallion with dark orange mane. He only wore a white button down shirt over an orange t-shirt and a black school uniform jacket on his shoulders. "My names Applejack and this here is my brother Big Mac."
"Howdy," the red colt said
Applejack: Superpony-level fighter
Big Macintosh: Superpony-level shaman
Applejack was a top-tier fighter. She's been named the country's top fighter female, three years in a row. She even became the first female to participate in the male divine. They say that her rear kick was considered to be a lethal weapon and made two grown stallions be hospitalized
Her brother Big Mac on the other hoof was a famous fortune teller. He had many clients, ranging from housewives to celebrities. With his life on a farm and understanding of the spirit world made him a very wise colt.
"Well then," another voice cried out, "If we're all just introducing ourselves whenever we want then I guess it's time for Harmony’s Peak Academy's awesomest new student to make herself known." All of a sudden a rainbow colored blur flew up in to the air. It did a few loops, stealing the attention of everyone. Soon, hovering above the stands in the gym, was a light blue pegasus with a rainbow colored mane holding her hooves up in the air. She was dressed in a white jacket with metal pieces and a white shirt with a splash of red. "The one and only Rainbow Dash!"
Rainbow Dash: Superpony-level all star
Rainbow Dash was an ace flyer. She was a prodigal flier, even as a filly. Her speed and skill was on par with the leader of the Wonderbolts herself, Spitfire. Rainbow Dash held more records and earned more awards than anyone else in her old school. She has even performed the Sonic Rainboom. Everypony was silent.
"You’ve got to admit, she really knows how to make an entrance," a young voice said.
Flash turned to find not a pony but rather a small purple dragon with green spikes and wearing a gray suit with a orange tie ."Wow I didn't know dragons can go to this school." He said in amazement.
"Well it's not too often. In fact I think I'm the only dragon in history to attend Harmony peak." The dragon said as he put both his claws behind his head. "By the way, the name’s Spike."
Spike: Superdragon-level otaku
Spike is a huge comic book fan. His knowledge of the fictional world crossed many genres. From sappy romances to action packed thrillers. However his real achievement is in his almost professional writing and artwork. He sold over a thousand copies of his spinoff comic of "The Power Ponies" called "The Tale of Humdrum and Radians" at his school festival.
"HEY!" another male cried out. It was a white unicorn with a blue mane. He wore a white military uniform with a red leg band on his right front leg and was using his magic to get Rainbow Dash down to the ground. "I know we're unsupervised but stunts like that are not welcome in a school environment."
Shining Armor: Superpony-level compass
Shining Armor was a model student at the Royal Guard academy. His grades are among the top in the country and his record is spotless. Many of his teachers believed that one day Shining Armor would become Captain of the Royal Guards. His one flaw was that he was a bit too keen on keeping order in a school environment.
Rainbow Dash ignored him and stuck out her tongue.
"Um, excuse me, Rainbow Dash, but I think you should listen to Mr. Armor," a timid yellow pegasus said as she walked up to Shining. The pegasus was dressed in a black cardigan over a dress shirt and a red and white bow in her pink hair. "I mean, if that's ok with you, that is..."
"Oh yeah? And who are you to take the side of Mr. Stick-Up-His-Plot?" Rainbow Dash said as she came down to the yellow pegasus's level.
"Oh.. it's-- um, my name is Fluttershy," she said as she started to clam up.
Fluttershy: Superpony-level model
Fluttershy was a fashion model that had taken Equestria by storm. She was discovered a year ago by the famous Photo Finish. Though shy in nature, she doesn't show it in her photos, always showing an air of confidence in her looks -- not to mention the truth that many found her quite pretty. Fluttershy also admitted that she always donates a large part of her paycheck to animal charities.
"Hm... Fluttershy. Now, why does that sound familiar?" Rainbow Dash asked as she rubbed her chin.
"I thinks it's because we both went to Golden Wing's School for Young Flyers," Fluttershy said. "I used to watch you at the flying competitions."
"Um...excuse me, but are you Fluttershy, the famous model?" Flash said as he came closer to the pegasus. "I'm a huge fan of your work. You look just as cute as in your photos."
"Oh, why thank you!" she responded as she pushed a lock of hair away from her face, blushing. "Though I hope you know that they use makeup and other stuff, I'm really not that special."
"I'm sorry," Shining Armor interrupted. "But we have three other students and it would be rude if we don't give them a chance to introduce themselves."
"’Bout time. Thanks, hard flank," a deep voice said. Waking up to the group was a large, white, muscular pegasus with a buzz cut. He wore a long black coat and sunglasses above his eyes. "The name’s Bulk Biceps, leader of the Rad Snowflake gang."
Bulk Biceps: Superpony-level outlaw biker
Bulk Biceps was the leader of the ruthless biker gang, the Red Snowflake. Unlike other biker gangs, the Red Snowflake actually protected the helpless. It started as a way to help with Bulk's younger brother's bullying problem -- and soon became the most well-known gangs in Equestria.
"Me next! My name is Seabreeze and I want to get out of here ASA now!" a high-pitched voice screamed.
"Um, excuse me, Seabreeze, but where are you?" Twilight asked as everyone looked around the gym.
"I'm down here!" The voice yelled. Everyone looked down to find a dark blue, fairy-like pony with pink hair wearing a green dress. "And yes, I'm a breezie. What of it?!"
Seabreeze: Superbreezie-level programmer
Seabreeze was an expert hacker, programmer, and can even build his own computers. His small size and vast knowledge allowed him to build much more advanced computers and processing systems than any other technician in the world.
"Oh my goodness!" Fluttershy said a she leaned in closer to the breezie. "You are so adorable!" She then posited to scoop up the small creature in her forelegs.
"Oh, come on, Fluttershy, let her go. It's clear that she's in a bad mood," Spike said.
"I'm a boy!" The programmer said with an unamused face.
"Why are you in a dress. then?"
"Because your currency doesn't convert well into mine and the only thing I could wear was my older sister's hoof-me-downs," Seabreeze said as the yellow mare let him go.
"Wow, rough."
"And I'm Derpy!" The last student revealed herself as a gray, lazy-eyed Pegasus with a blond mane. Everyone then turned to the back of the room to find the young mare. She wore a blue one-piece bathing suit under a skirt and a red jacket.
Derpy Hooves: Superpony-level swimmer
Derpy may be a mess on land and in the air, but when it came to the water, no one was a match for her. Her swimming abilities were almost Olympic-level. However, she was still teased by her classmates for her eyes. "I'm really happy to meet all of you!"
"Same here!" Pinkie Pie said as she came in to hug the gray pony.
"Now everypony knows everypony else's names," a new voice said. Everybody looked around to try to find the speaker.
"Who are you!?" Flash said.
"Why I'm the new principal of the school" soon a pink puff of smoke appeared on the stage. "You may address me as Principal Discord." Everyone gasped. Standing on the stage now was a tall dragon like creature made up of a lot of different body parts from different animals. This strange creator was also wearing a violet suit.
"Why on earth did you trap us?!" Flash yelled.
"What happened to Principal Luna?!" Twilight yelled following Flash
"And why aren't you a black and white taking bear that will just be a robot controlled by Fluttershy!?" Pinkie Pie asked out of nowhere.
"WHAT!!" Fluttershy yelled
"With the last two first" Discord said with a smile slowly creeping on his face." The resign I'm not a bear is because we're not going to use the original script on this story." He then flue over to Fluttershy "Hear Fluttershy have this" with a snap of his fingers a small flash of light caused a small stuffed Baer toy to appear in her grasp. The Baer was white one side and black on the other. "As for Luma, well my lips are sealed on that one."
he then disappeared and then reappeared next to Flash with a lion's paw over his shoulder." And to answer your question lover boy, I trapped you hear to spread chaos. After all I am the spirit of disharmony." He then disappeared again only to reappear back on the stag."and to do that I figured why not start by sending Celetie's precious beacon of hope in to the drakes deps of despair."
"Listen hear. I don't care who you are, you better let us out before me and my new friends hear buck you up real good." Rainbow Dash said as she, Bulk, and Applejack got ready for a brawl.
"Hay these no need to get violent." Discord said trying to calm the three down." The way to get out is quiet easy."
"Then I demand you tell me how this instant." Blue Blood said.
"The way to get out of hear is the same way you get out of any other high school." In a flash of light he the changed his clothing to a gown and cap. " graduate"
"But how are we supports to graduate if there's no teachers?" Flash asked
"ooh that's the fun part." Discord said as he changed back to his suit and started pace back and forth on stag ." You see I pondered for weeks on the best way to have all of you fall in to despair. And then it hit me. Why not have incense life's end others"
"Watt you want us to murder each other!?" Seabreez yelled out
"But I don't want to kill anypony" Derpy cried
"Yes. Stab,cut,burn,bludgeon,or poison, any way you want to do it is fine by me." The principle said. "And the last one standing without without anyone knowing it was theme gets to graduate."
Soon everyone's face had a look of shock on it. They couldn't believe what this creature was saying. They had only met each other a moments ago and now there were being forced to kill.
"We won't kill each other. True some of us mite be rude but not murderer" Rarity said.
"Well then you all can sit hear and let your hair turn gray"
"Hu, do I have a gray hair?" Rarity said frantically
"Your a monster" Said Twilight.
"Be that as it may I still have other stuff I need to get to." Discord then clapped his hands together. Out of nowhere strange rectangular devices appeared in front of everyone." These are your student IDs That'll allow you to uses some of the facilities in the school. Now let's go over the rules." The students looked at there IDs to see what the rules are as read them off
Rule1: All students must spend the rest of there days in the school.
Rule2: Students can move freely threw the school at any time
Rule3: 10:00pm to 7:00am is considered "night time". The water will be turned off and some of the areas will be off laments at this time.
Rule4: Tampering with the cameras and violence against the principal is prohibited.
Rule5: Sleeping anywhere other then the dorm rooms will be considered sleeping in class.
Rule6: breaking any of rules will result in severe punishment.
Rule7: the criminal who kills a fellow student can leave as long as they can hide the guilt from the others
Rule8: additional rule will be added if needed
"As long as we play by theses rules then everything will go swimmingly" Discord said as he finished reading the rules off his own ID. He then threw the ID behind him as it exploded in midair. "Anyway my job done. Night time begins in two hours. Ta Ta for now." In another puff of smoke he disappeared. Everyone looked around to see if hi'll reappear again
I can't believe it. My first day of class and me and my fellow classmates are now trapped in some sort of chaos god's twisted game. I'm support to be the super pony level luckster. But I'm anything but. I'm the super pony level unluckster.
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Wow... this is... shameful, to say the least, about every five words there is a typo, just... wow my story got rejected for not making a new paragraph when a person speaks... and this got through... who's dick did you suck to get this approved this is terrible you need serious revisons.
Though I do have to thank you, this was exactly the push I needed to start writing my story again.
4431599 I'm sorry I'm sorry I know my spelling sucks I'm trying but I have a problem with spelling. Pleas if you know an editor pleas tell me
4431672 your .......welcome. And let the recorded show that I don't like that dick sucking comment
4431868 Pretty sure there's a group for that in the recommended groups thingy.
4431599 Dude, don't be that guy. You can easily say that he needs to do some serious work on his spelling and grammar without being rude.
Also, it's my job to be "that guy". You can't steal my job.
4432121 *Le steal job*
4432221 NUUU~! *Sobs while clutching metal beam* Wait how did I get-- HOLY S
T THAT'S A BIG DROP AAAUGH.
No, but seriously. Don't be a jerk.
4432227 Why I'll have you know I am a asshole, not a jerk!
4432235 *sighs exasperatedly*
*sighs with happiness that "exasperatedly" is a word*
*giggles*
*hysterical laughter*
*boop*
4432242 What the fuck?
4432248 Nooothing.
*giggle*
4432348 Psycho.
4432351 *boops your nose with bloody hammer* Yooou betcha!
I'll say that it does need a little more work. Take it from me as I screw up badly in my first try writing my Dangan Ronpa crossover. Also I would advise to not copy so much from the source material.
4432452 trust me once I start killing ponies it's going to be different. Some charters who got killed in the original will do the killing in this one. Spoiler Blue Blood will not make it to the end
4432533 Try to hide that spoiler. Putting this
Wow... You know, at first I was thinking the same thing as Soulian down there (forgive him, he's a decent enough guy... for an asshole, at least) but it all became worth it once Discord and Pinkie drove a truck through the fourth wall like that. As is my policy, I'm going to take it apart so you can put it back together into a form that can properly bring your vision to us
First off, as he said: this has probably the lowest class of spelling I've ever seen. I don't like putting it like that, but it's undeniable. You will NEED a prereader for this to act as crutches while you improve your spelling. It will be a daunting task, but certainly possible.
Second (though this is a lesser issue, and lots of people fall into this) is that the whole thing seems rushed. No one has any time to react to being trapped, almost as if the story is just glossing it over. In fact, it seems as if Flash just kinda shrugs and accepts that he's been kidnapped. Think of it this way: if you found yourself in Flash's situation, how much time would you devote to thinking about it? It can't overshadow the introductions, of course, but it must be one of the main events of the chapter.
Third, there are a few moments that need more clarity. Read through again and pretend you don't know anything about the story already. Would you know everything you needed to? For example, what's so serious about 'sleeping in class?' we know from the game that it carries the death penalty, but it needs to be mentioned in the story as well.
However, there are good things I have to say about it, mainly that I'm genuinely interested in how it's going to play out. You're the only one I've seen so far who reused nearly every one of the original SHSL talents. (On a side note, Fukawa was my favorite character, but somehow I think Pinkie will manage to live up to being her replacement
) It will be interesting to see how you take things in a different direction from the original. In addition, while you didn't make many jokes this chapter, you actually made me laugh out loud. Maybe it's because I just didn't expect it, but you have potential there. It pulled me back in when I was starting to feel apathetic.
For now, I think you should make finding an editor your first priority. You may decide to withdraw the story until you can give it a complete rewrite (and it will need to be complete), but don't give up on it! You're taking this in a unique direction, and it's worth pursuing. And when you do rewrite it, don't SAY that it's a rewrite like you did with the chapter's title. Let the improvements speak for themselves. Now get to writing and really knock our socks off!
4513390 thank you for the kind words. The story is in the proses of being edited and mite be done by Monday. But after reading your comment I may need to fix a few things
I thought it was really good and funny, I'm not gonna nitpick the obvious since everyone has the same issue with that but I had a good laugh when the characters were being described, their high high school titles, and of course having Discord be the villain is all too fun for me!
I can't even comprehend what I've just been through, honestly. The writing just seemed to get worse and worse as things progressed. The dialogue was cringeworthy throughout, with no sign of stable progression anywhere. And just to top it all off, it does very badly at reaching out to those who have never even heard of Dangan Ronpa. Sure, it's still better than some other stories out there, but it just doesn't work with the terrible grammar and lack of decent explanation. Anyway, I can't think of anything else to say here, so I'll stop typing and go back to... whatever I was doing before reading this.