Ancestry

by Brony4Days

The Last Words

Chapter One: The Last Words

Rainbow Dash rushed into the hospital. Without further hesitation, a nurse at the counter pointed to where Rainbow Dash’s mother was. Then Rainbow Dash flew through the pointed aisle, and right near the end of the aisle, was an open door. Rainbow Dash peeked into it. Then she saw it.

She saw her mother, Spectrum Dash, lying in a small hospital bed, looking out the window.

“Mom!” Rainbow Dash cried, “I’m so glad to see you!”

“Rainbow,” Spectrum said weakly, “I haven’t seen you for a long time.”

Rainbow Dash trotted toward her mother and hugged her tight, not being able to see her for years. Spectrum was the one to break the hug, and hastily spoke in a weary tone.

“Rainbow, the doctor said I’ll be gone in thirty minutes. There was nothing he was able to do to treat my illness.”

Rainbow Dash, completely traumatized by the news, burst into tears. She had never cried harder than this in her life. She had cried at some of her relatives’ deaths, but she never cried harder than to hear that her mother was going to leave her in a half an hour.

“Do not worry, my daughter, there are still a few places that I can live in, you know,” Spectrum said, with a soft tone.

“W-w-where?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“I will always live in your and Scootaloo’s hearts and memories. So do not worry.”

“But…mom…” Rainbow Dash started, but was hushed by her mother.

Spectrum too started to cry, but not as powerful as Rainbow’s sobs.

“Rainbow Dash, let me tell you about our family tree…”

“Mom…I don’t need to know anything about our family! Our family was just you, Scootaloo, and me!”

“Let me just tell you a small story, come on now, Rainbow, you liked to hear stories as filly, didn’t you?” Spectrum said, with a forced smile.

“I did, mom, but I want to spend time with you! Not some unimportant story…”

“This story…is my prized possession, and I want you to listen.”

Rainbow Dash stopped arguing and let Spectrum tell her story.

“We Dashes are both famous and notorious for our talent in high-speed flying. Nearly every Dash has done a Sonic Rainboom, like you. Did you ever know that one of your great-grandmothers was a Wonderbolt?”

Rainbow Dash was given a surge of excitement at the sudden words that came from Spectrum’s mouth.

“I never knew that.”

“Yes, Neon Dash, one of the Wonderbolts. How she was able to be a Wonderbolt? Many say that she did the Sonic Rainboom, not once, not twice, but three times. And do you remember your Uncle Roy?”

“Yeah, I remembered him…”

“He worked as a scientist in Cloudsdale’s top secret factory. The Lightning Factory.”

Rainbow Dash’s jaw dropped. Her uncle had once worked in the legendary Lightning Factory. She had heard stories about that factory, but never knew it was real.

“It’s a good thing your Uncle Roy is still alive…but let’s not go further into that, shall we? It is very odd how every Dash has a rainbow mane and tail…”

Spectrum kept on her story, Rainbow listening attentively. Then Rainbow Dash gazed at the clock in the room. It was only five more minutes until her mother would leave her. So Rainbow Dash asked, “Mom, so what was your most important story you were going to tell me?”

“Oh, I nearly forgot. Well, did you know-AH!” Spectrum exclaimed. She put a hoof on her chest. Rainbow Dash, watching in horror as a doctor and a nurse poured inside the room, ignoring Rainbow, and trying to help Spectrum.

“Rainbow…..you…are…a descendant…of Commander Hurricane…” Spectrum sighed.

Then the heartbeat detector went on flat line, and Rainbow Dash knew what happened. Her mother is gone, for good, forever, never to return. Tears then came pouring from her eyes and she started to sob, even harder than minutes earlier. Then, after failing to help Spectrum, the doctor said to Rainbow Dash, “I am truly sorry, Miss Dash. We did everything we could. But she’s gone.”

Rainbow Dash didn’t know what to say. She was drowning in her tears. She never actually talked about her mother to her friends, so her friends don’t really know about her. But she didn’t care. The only thing that she cared in that very room was her dead mother. Spectrum Dash, the most wonderful pony Rainbow has ever seen is now gone, nopony knowing what her faith is.

The only thing that Spectrum doesn’t know is that Rainbow Dash will still remember her last words. But Rainbow didn't care whether or not she was a descendant. She just wanted her mother back.

Before leaving, though, Rainbow put one of her hoofs on her mother's, and slowly trotted out of the room. Rainbow Dash did not know what was worse: to see her mother dying in front of her or to live with the horrible memory.

Rainbow Dash walked out of the hospital, saying nothing. She gazed up at the town of Ponyville, her home, everypony doing their business as if nothing happened in the hospital. Rainbow Dash glared at them. She saw Ponyville as her home, but also saw her home was not perfect. Her home was full of ponies who wouldn't care what happened to her mother. Then Rainbow Dash asked herself, "Who would blame them? They didn't see what happened." Then Rainbow Dash looked once again at Ponyville. Now to her, it was still her home, but now perfect. Then she frowned. "Why did I never think of visiting her?" Rainbow asked herself, now angry once more. But this anger was different. This anger was inflicted to herself, the one who never visited her mother for years.

Then Rainbow Dash remembered what her mother told her. That her mother would exist in Scootaloo's and her hearts. This Rainbow Dash knew was true-Rainbow and Scootaloo would never forget their mother. This thought made Rainbow smile. But then Rainbow Dash remembered her mother's last words that were said not so long ago. "You are a descendant of Commander Hurricane," Rainbow Dash repeated. Then she repeated it again. And again. Then Rainbow Dash just asked herself, "How?"

Comments

[ponyaddict]

Expository exposition is expository.

I don't know, I don't like the feel of "I'm about to die so I'm going to open all the Deus ex Machina boxes really quickly" scenes, no matter where they happen or who they happen to. Finding it all in a will or a secret stash of mementos always seems more appropriate to me, and it definitely gives you an excuse for boundless exposition. It also lets you avoid having the reader go through that awkward feeling of "there's a character dying right now that the author wants me to care about, but I know nothing about her and therefore can't care." Readers should be able to feel something for the characters in a scene, and you might be able to get more mileage out of showing us a recently bereaved Rainbow Dash reflecting on fond memories of her mother while going through her effects than showing her mother, who we know nothing about, dying in front of us.

[CoastalSarv]

...why are you telling me the complete plot of your story in the synopsis? I've seen that on the blurbs for books for people who really don't like surprises. It's common on picturebooks, since the assume the ones to actually enjoy them, the children you read them too, cannot read, while the parents want to know if the story is "proper" to their kids. It seems kinda odd at a fanfic directed to older people. Do you have a specific reason for that? I'm just curious.

[The sad mare]

*reads description* well sounds good ill wait for you to write it but sounded like an awesome story any way

[Steampunk Starlight]

First chapter was kind of short. Looks like this will be a long story judging from the description. And... don't give too much away in the description. It makes things.. awkward. Make it more vague for folks to guess. Also, you need to explain what's special about Commander Hurricane, and how does it affects R.D in any way, besides the founding member of Equestria.

E.g: A dying will. A secret that will change Rainbow Dash's life forever.

[Brony4Days]

Ever mistake I may have made is now fixed. :D

[Method in Maddness]

The only advice that I can give that hasn't already been stated above would be to make sure that you pace out the chapters/main events. There's a story that I'm reading that has a similar concept to it, but is so rushed it lost most of the potential it had to be a great story. So make sure to do that and I'll be perfectly fine with slight spelling/grammatical issues.

[Method in Maddness]

411285 P.S. if you ever need a Pre-reader just private message me and I'll be happy to help.

[Master Pinkie Pie]

A heartbreaking story my friend.