The Joke is on Me

by StandardIssue

My stalker

Author's Note:

Recently updated and fixed! This is now even more better than before, grammar wise. Now, read! A chapter should be around shortly! Please comment! Please like or dislike! Oh, and just for the record, you are awesome! Now for our Feature Presentation...

I am not one for shopping. I know what I want before I go to the store, go in, get it, and I’m out. I hate looking around for things. Lucky me, I never have a say in anything. I came home from school early since JROTC practice was cancelled, and lo and behold on my day off from activities, my mom gives me stuff to do. Go to the store and buy my brother and sister a present for their birthday. What else is messed up is the fact I have to use my own hard earned cash. Well, there was no arguing it, so I kinda just sucked it up and walked ten miles to the store. The other stores happen to have no power for god knows what reason (And here I thought my day couldn’t get any better).

So there I was, standing in some toy aisle in Target in the boys section. Now what would a 6 year old turning seven like in todays society? I needed something that was fairly cheap, something that was definitely not Lego’s. Thank god for G.I. Joe’s, because those were cheap, unlike Lego’s. I liked them as a kid, and I tell you what, those guys never go out of style. I grabbed the box in front on the rack. Snake Eyes. The best G.I. Joe. Now to get something for my sister. I turned around to head to the girls side and my vision was instantly assaulted with pink as I started to look up from the little army figurine.

“When did I…” I turned around again, and the other side was girl stuff too. “I was just…” I pointed with my thumb over my shoulder. “Boys….toys…” I was in the boy aisle, and then in the blink of an eye, I was in the girl aisle. Did I just have a blackout?

“Such interesting names,” Said a voice as smooth as silk with a hint of trickery. I spun around to see a lady that was about five foot, five inches, judging from my height. She had fox orange hair and she wore some sort of Japanese robe like outfit. Her back was to me as she spoke. “Are they not?”

I blinked and furrowed my brows then opened my mouth to speak. “Uh...excuse me?” I asked, not knowing what for; Maybe I could get a name, or she could explain what had just happened. Anything at all would be nice, really. I took a few steps towards her.

“Their names. Aren’t they just the weirdest?” She turned around to look at me and she smiled. She wasn't exactly asian, but not exactly white. She looked, kinda like your typical american anime cosplay girl. The only other thing odd with her, was her eyes. They were emerald green, and very tempting. If I had to guess, I would say she was at the target getting some things for a comicon or something to that effect. I must have also gotten lost in her eyes, because she snapped her fingers in front of my face.

“Gah!” I flailed a bit, taking a step back. Blinking a few times, I noticed she was giggling just like an anime girl, covering her mouth with a hand while the other rested near her stomach. Weird. She then stopped and looked back to what she was looking at. I followed her gaze. She was looking at ‘My Little Pony’? I looked back at her, remembering her question. “Yeah...I guess they are weird names.” She looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

“That was awfully fast reading there.” Crap! I can’t let her know I am a brony. I tell some people, yes, but not random adults.

“Yeah, I read a lot of stories.” Hopefully she buys it. She nods.

“You must. Reading all of the names that aren’t there, that is.” Wait, what? I looked over to the toys and boxes, and sure enough, they were all nameless. I blinked and stammered.

“I...uh..you see…” She just held up a hand for me to stop and I did, She put it down and I began. “Look, I didn’t me-” She held up a hand again with a smile. I stop mid sentence with a confused look on my face.

“It’s okay. You didn’t want read them and you just want to go on your way and leave an old crazy lady to her own craziness.” Wait, what?! Old?! She didn’t look a day over twenty-five. Don’t judge me on that age choice. She looked somewhere mid-twenties.

“Okay, one, you are not old. You don’t look a day over 20. Two, I wasn’t going to say that, but, yeah, I really do need to get something for my sister’s birthday.” She just nodded. It wasn’t the complete truth, since I also intended to get myself something MLP related and con it off as for my sister as well.

She just looked at me and shook her head. “I am actually way older than 20. I so happen to be 457.” Did she just say…I couldn’t help but chuckle at that.

“Nice one, and I am a girl who watches My Little Pony at the age of 16.” I continued laughing as I grabbed my sides too. Wow, I never laughed that hard before. Why is this so funny?

“Well, That isn’t entirely a lie, now is it, James?” I slowly stopped laughing. Not entirely a lie? And, I don’t remember giving my name. I took a step back.

“How…?” She simply sighed and put her hands in the opposite arms sleeves and looked me dead in the eye.

“How did I know your name? Well, I know a lot more than that James Warren.” I just looked at her in slight shock. “I know what your favorite color is, your favorite dog, and, what you like to do in your spare time. I know that you are 16 and do in fact watch My Little Pony, although you aren’t a girl.” She raised an eyebrow and looked at me in a slight disgust manner. “Yet anyway. Who knows?” I...what? I would be worried about the MLP thing, but what the hell is she talking about? She is talking about stuff only my best friends, family, or a stalker would know. And she sure as hell wasn’t the first two.

“I...I gotta go.” He quickly turned around to walk away. I heard a chuckling behind me.

“How would you like to go there? To the world of Equestria?”

“I don’t know what you are talking about, lady.” I called over my shoulder. I hurried to the check out once I was out of the aisle. I looked behind me as I paid for my brothers toy. I can get my sisters at a different store, but I wanted to leave this store. I had enough of creepy anime women.

Once done paying, I was happy to see I wasn’t being followed. I left the store and began making my way back towards my house. There was a Walmart about 30 minutes away from my house that way on foot. So, I slowly made my way in that direction. If I wanted to get there faster, I would have to cut through the park.

<oOo>

The park is never being used. I think I only ever saw it have a party once or twice a year. Other than that, it’s the animals to rule. Or, me in this case, since I was cutting through it to get to Walmart faster. The walk may not seem like it shortens the trip, but it actually shaves about five to ten minutes of time off. That being said, the walk still sucked.

I was already halfway through the park when I let out a small sigh. The october weather kinda made it gloomy, but what can you expect from Michigan? I stuck to the paved walk until I hit a trail that cut through the woods of the park. From there, I would have to head straight until I hit the parking lot for Walmart. I had about another three, maybe four minutes left of walking. I decided to let myself get lost in thought and enjoy the nature.

As I walked, I saw a few squirrels and birds. I had my headphones in and was singing ‘Fake It’ by Seether when I saw something red flash by from the corner of my eye. I quickly stopped and looked over while pulling out the headphone. It was small, like a cat, but was going too fast for me to see what it was.

Looking around, I didn’t see it again. Not a single sign. I shrugged my shoulders and continued walking forward without my headphones in. Not to long after, I heard the sound of a cat or small dog running really fast and a flash of red went by me on the left. I stopped and looked left. I was looking at a red fox.

‘Cool’ I thought to myself. ‘Not everyday you see one of these around here.’ Trying not to spook it, I slowly shifted so I can stand looking at it comfortably. It was looking right at me now, sitting down calmly, as if I was the interesting thing about this. ‘Weird, yet cool’

“Interesting creatures, aren’t they?” That sounded like…

I quickly turned around and there she was. The lady from Target. She smiled at me while sitting on a fallen tree. I turned around to see the fox and it was gone. I turned back at her and rolled my eyes.

“What do you want with me?” I asked her. As soon as I got her in my vision, she was petting the fox. And it was wagging its tail!

“Well,” She began as if nothing was out of the norm for her. “You never answered my question from earlier.” I was so shocked from seeing her pet the fox, I nearly didn’t hear her.

“W… What question?” I asked stupidly, somehow forgetting that she was a stalker.

“How would you like to go to the world of Equestria?” She never looked up from the fox.

Go to Equestria? A fictional world of ponies? In a world where wishes came true, I would believe it would happen, but this is real life.

“Look. I don’t know what you are getting at here, but going to Equestria is impossible.”

“Kinda like petting a wild fox?” I blinked at that retort.

“No…” Come up with something, dammit! “You probably have a trained one. They can be pets.”

“So what is your answer to my question?” Are you kidding me?

“Like I said. It’s impossible.”

“That’s not what I’m asking.” I threw my arms up in defeat.

“Ugh! In a perfect world, yes, I would like to go. But it can’t happen. Won’t happen. Never will happen.” I turned to walk off.

“I say it is possible.”

“Right, and I am a girl.”

“Want to make a bet?” Fine, I will humor her. This was getting stupid, fast.

“Sure! Why not?” I turned around and looked at her. She was smiling a sinister smile though. I knit my eyebrows in confusion.

“If it is real, you go there. If it isn’t, I’ll let you have my pet fox.” I didn’t see a problem with it, but somehow, something was off. I could see it in her eyes.

“Sure…?” She snapped her fingers and the fox looked at me. I looked at it. The fox walked up to me and sat by my side. “I win…?”

“Nope. I win.” Then my world went up in flames as the fox turned into an inferno of fire and engulfed me in it. Before I could scream from the pain, everything turned to black.

Comments

[StandardIssue]

4326349 The cheese? How does it build?

[StandardIssue]

4328687 What makes you say that?

[Dick McKickEm]

Welcome to the CGotG, my friend. I'm the unofficial welcome wagon, Because l feel a certian kinship with writers who post in this group (and because I'm a correction Nazi), I'll take a moment to review the first chapter of this fix, grammar wise. God knows some other people that Sev let slip into the group's canon folder need a slap against the head with a thesarus. Let's begin, shall we?

and low and behold

It's lo and behold. Lo is its own word

Something cheap, unlike legos; G.I. Joes!

I don't even know where to begin on that one. You won't go very far making your sentences as short as can be. Try making that two or three sentences instead of one. Ex: I needed something cheap, but Lego's were SO not cheap. G.I. Joes would work, though! Also, Legos should be capitalized since it was a brand name.

some sort of Japanese robe like outfit. 

*cough* kimono *cough*

Looking up from the little army figurine.

Why is that sentence in the present tense? Pick a tense and stick with it.

She didn’t look a day over 25.

It's bad form to use numbers in a story, unless you are writing out a year, like 1984, or 2014. Write it as twenty five.

I totally skimmed the rest of the chapter. These are all the major points, but the writing in general needs work. I'm not saying that it's bad (it's not good, either), I'm saying that you need a HELL of a lot of practice. I would know. This fic was pretty much the same as my first, and it was CGotG too. It took me a half year of nothing but practice every night til my stuff was readable, and another half year still til I started getting decent views on FIMfic. Bottom line is, keep writing. And while youre at it, read some too. This fic isn't very good, but it can be. I just takes some time.

[Fancy Fox]

I know this is a really shallow reason for reading this but I'm going tomcontinue reading this because of the fox
Not just the fox though!
but mostly the fox...

[ramseymac]

Do my eyes deceive me? Did you just use Holo the Wise Wolf as your god?